Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

A top of the range new dishwasher would be a bargain for him compared to a divorce!

You have my sympathies OP!

I am more grateful for having a lovely (but faaaar from perfect!) DH every day I spend on MN. The large and small acts of selfishness and thoughtlessness in marriage written about in posts makes me quite sad - why are so many people so crap to each other when there is no need for it?

This. Absolutely. What makes him the boss?

@QwertyAtThirty

I think I am scared - yes.

How bloody ridiculous - I'm 59 for God's sake.

This. But I assumed a nip screw was um, a possibly minority practice best carried out in the bath.

He bought a boat without consulting you but won’t "let you" replace a broken fifteen-year-old dishwasher?? I wouldn't hesitate to order it immediately. And why on earth would you be responsible for arranging to send it back if he objects? I certainly wouldn’t do that, and if he sent it back himself that would be the end of our marriage.

Imo you need an urgent review of your relationship and financial affairs. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.

@Gair

I don't know why people would be crap to each other - it doesn't make sense.

He resents me looking after the grandchildren - I think he hates me. He's punishing me. I could bloody spit in his tea - but I'm not making him anymore cuppas from now on.

Oh god - listen to me. He's driven me round the twist finally.

I would just order the dishwasher and have the old one taken away.
If he complains I'd just say "You bought a new boat without discussion".

If he gets abusive and aggressive because of you ordering a new dishwasher I would consider leaving him.

While I'm all for mending things rather than just replacing an item with a new one, sometimes there's no point continuing to mend things if the appliance is on its last legs. It was a good idea to try to fix the dishwasher with a new part first but as it's broken again already then it's time to get a new one.

My ex used to be like this with repairing things. He insisted on repairing everything but then took forever to get around to it (due to being out drinking with his mates etc), but got very aggressive when I said I'd call a tradesperson in to do it. He said everyone in the village would speak badly of him if I had to phone one of the village businesses to get someone to repair something he could replace himself. Well FUCKING DO IT THEN!! This would sometimes spur him into repairing whatever it was pretty quickly. Or not.
He used this as a way of getting at me and it took me a while to realize. He used to do it with the car wheel changes in winter (I live abroad and it's compulsory to change to winter tyres before a certain date).

Anyway, he's an ex. And I'm glad. Because if something breaks I'm free to decide which company to call to repair the thing or to replace it if it can't be repaired. And here we also get money back from the local government if we get electrical appliances repaired - you can claim up to €150 per year for repairs.

What you need is a divorce solicitor. This is no way to live @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

I couldn’t live like that.

I am sorry that you are scared of your husband. Sounds like the problem runs deeper than replacing a dishwasher. Sorry, I was jesting earlier about a new dishwasher being cheaper for him than divorce, and had not realised that your situation was more serious.

Maybe it's time for you to consider some individual counselling and some independent legal and financial advice - particularily if he has become abusive.

I typed the phrase into google and wish I hadn’t. Loads of horrible p*rn returns. You must mean Scrooge or something, not screw. Don’t use it again!

As normal here, you post about one thing, but you have many other bigger problems sadly.

I Googled 'nip screw' and some very unsavory links just came up on my work laptop. 😳

Should have known it was made-up.

Dont be a silly sausage. Its broken down again. That is very clear in the op.

Sounds more like you're coming your senses tbh.

If he has some brain damage following a hospital stay that's very sad. But it is his responsibility to stop it impacting you, and a bit suspiciously , impacting you selectively. It certainly doesn't give him a licence to abuse you, or give you an obligation to be abused.

You're 59. Do you want to spend your last precious years/decades on this planet with a man like that?
We only get the one life. Just the one.
I divorced in my 50s and life is so much better 5 years on.

This sounds financially abusive to me. Everyone else gets quite a wealthy existence and you have to plead to get basics

Absolutely if he is not doing the washing up! Our dishwasher broke a year ago and I was without it for 2 weeks. Nearly had a break down myself.

in what ways does he enhance your life? you should just jack it all in at this stage, tbh

@LadySable

He was not like this before his surgery (life saving) three years ago.

It was his idea for me to leave work to look after our first grandchild - that was nine years ago.

You know your husband is a douche.
We all know your husband is a douche.

I don't know why it continues to surprise you.

I've not heard the phrase "nip screw" before but I know what you mean. When my (17 year old) washing machine broke, my husband spend days watching two hour long videos of Polish men replacing the bearings on a washing machine and got two people out to try to fix it (both times they refunded him and said it wasn't possible). It got to the point where I said that taking things to the laundrette was wrecking our stuff (it's actually a dry cleaners that will do a service wash on hot) and I had games socks that I needed to wash - I didn't have time to wait for him to take apart this ancient washing machine to try to fix it.

I would order the dishwasher. It's very clear that if there is no new dishwasher forthcoming, he is responsible for the dishes each and every day.

@Jamesblonde2

It was the heating element that had 'gone' the first time. He thinks it's the circuit board this time - and it is 15 years old. We took our 14 year old daughter out on her birthday to buy it in the January sales. She remembers it as if it was yesterday - apparently.

In fact - it's almost 16 years old.

The dish washer issue is a bit of a distraction.
Being blunt, he is not a man to grow old with.
Your time would be well spent getting legal advice about divorce and thinking about the life you want.
For many women 60 is a wonderful age and you could reinvent yourself without being dragged down by this skinflint who does not value you. 🎉
I hope your birthday is soon! Good luck.

If DH is making the decision not to fix the dishwasher, DH can himself be responsible for all the dishes going forward.