Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

@Hankunamatata

Not thought of that - he's much more aggressive and has thrown things (phone, tv remote).

He had aortic dissection type A. I had gone home planning his funeral after the CT scan which diagnosed him - it didn't look good. The ambulance crew that turned up to take him to the regional specialist hospital for surgery refused to take him because he was unstable.

His surgeon offered him therapy when I mentioned his personality change on a subsequent checkup. He had been on bypass for much longer than anticipated. He refused as he told the surgeon he hadn't changed - then he later admitted he had lied to the surgeon.

Many people in the support group I rely on have spoken about their own experiences of exactly this and how they feel sorry for their families still having to deal with it many years after surgery/being in intensive care. Things they do and say are irrational. Which describes H really.

Trying to fix things is a good idea if it’s a relatively new appliance but if it’s ancient and had its time, replacing makes most sense. Nip screw is a weird term.

why did you force your daughter to spend her 14th birthday looking at KITCHENS? weirdy cruel

Oh for God’s sake, how on earth is this comment helpful to OP? DFOD.

Is this a real post?
Very similar to a recent post where the husband bought a 15k guitar but the wife had very little financial freedom & had to ask permission for purchases.

I just think the line ‘should I LTB’ is very odd.

All those years, and the odd glimpses of the past, very sad.
so hard to know whether to stick, twist or poison. I'd definitely order the dishwasher because he's already repaired once and you are thinking of him with all the other stuff I'm sure he has on his list to be getting on with.

As for the boat, idiot. Everyone knows if it flys, floats or fucks, hire it.

This. I'd be telling him that I absolutely will fucking dare and he can fuck off if he doesn't like it. Tough shit mate, your repair didn't work so I'm getting a new one, don't need your permission

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche I thought this was going to be some sort of weird fetish thread, I've never heard of nip screw.

Presumably you work and earn an income, so why do you need his permission to buy a necessary household appliance? It's hardly being extravagant is it? I would add that this kind of stinginess gives me the ick, as does cooking using ALL the pots and pans, it's so pointless.

Get a new one delivered, fitted and the old one taken away. Just make sure you get a decent one, because if it doesn't wash properly or there are any problems, he'll never let you hear the end of it will he?

Nip screw?

At your age you could have another 25 years of this, and that's way too long to be financially controlled.

Buy the dishwasher, get it plumbed in when it's delivered, so it can't go back. If he won't accept that you have the right to do this, then tell him counselling/mediation or it's over.

Sounds like you can afford to split up, but if necessary you could always pick up a part-time job, or your children could pay you for babysitting, if the time you spend looking after your grandchildren would stop you from being able to work.

He's taking you for granted - the huffing about not having a clean spoon, because you haven't cleaned up after him, would kill any affection I had for him.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, can you let your daughter know what’s happening so she can talk to him, and also so she knows the situation if things got worse? (Which I hope they don’t). If he’s irrational and shown himself to be abusive I would be concerned about your welfare, please consider leaving the house. I’m also concerned that replacing things like heating elements and circuit boards could lead to an electrical fire

’don’t you dare’…

Fuck off.

Oh I thought this was going to be a kinky thread 😆

I've contacted my building society and arranged to pick up cash tomorrow
which will cover a new one plus installation and removing old one. H will go berserk but at least he'll have clean spoons.

Pity I can't boil wash his personality.

This thread feels a bit like a stealth boast 🙄

Either that or massive financial abuse...

12k to your daughter?
A new boat for him?

But no replacement dishwasher for you?

Madness.

By the way IKWYM about the husband who will jump to help any needy neighbour or acquaintance whilst jobs stack up in their own home. My dad was one of those and DH would be if he wasn't such a decent person. It's a curse being practical and able to make, build and fix things becuase you will NEVER pay a tradesperson to come and do something here and now.

Only here to find out what nip screw means…

Hang on - your shower was broken so you used your friend’s phone to call your husband to schedule a time for him to come and fix it and when he realised that it was you calling he told you to “f - off?”

Just go and see a lawyer. Get all your financials organised and find out how much you would get if you divorced. It’s easier once you realise that not only will you have peace of not being told to “f-off” but you will also have money from a man who hates spending money if it will benefit you.

But it's not waste though is it. He's fixed it once and it's broken down again so as it's 15 years old, it definitely needs replacing. I understand if it was a couple of years old but 15 and already broken down twice. He's a tight bastard, especially when he buys fucking boats without telling OP

I think nip screw is something to do with needing a spanner to get a coin out of a tight wad's hand.

Tight wad - Scrooge, miser.

Why are you still with him? What does ge bring to your life?

Have you read OP's post about post- surgery personality changes?

However many flash cars they have, brain damage is not most people's idea of a stealth boast!

Nothing will change unless you change your responses to him, OP. When he 'goes beserk' over the new dishwasher, you should first warn him that you will not tolerate this behaviour from him. When he doesn't believe you, you should calmly get your coat and go and stay elsewhere for a few days. I would have a bag packed in the car in readiness. He is not going to change unless it inconveniences him to behave the way he is behaving. Seriously, you could investigate the process of separation and divorce, even if you're not fully ready yet. What's the point in spending the rest of your life being 'exasperated?'?

Tell him the new dishwasher is an early Christmas present to you both. Sadly, 15 years is old for household appliances nowadays and they're not really built to be repaired (however skilful the handyman). I'm very sorry for your situation.