Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

[Loralo]

Relatively new fried of year that you’ve instantly clicked with. Both felt a bit lonely being SAHM and married to men who work incredibly unsocial hours. Neither consider themselves lesbians. No feelings involved. Very strange and unexpected.

Ive contemplated telling dh as he may well just laugh it off (he’s very level headed and not a jealous cave man type man) but I don’t see what is to be gained by doing so. It won’t happen again.

Tbh we probably leaned on each other too much and became a tad codependent. Friend and I probably spent far too much time together.

A lot of people seem to excuse 'just a kiss'. Presumably, they would be less understanding if their partners kissed friends because they felt bored.

He should be told. He can then decide if he wants to stay with OP.

Yeah I’ve never ever wanted to snog one of my mates. You’re trying to minimise this but clearly there are more feelings involved than you’re admitting.

Just because you kissed a woman doesn't make it any different than if you kissed a man. Cheating is cheating regardless of what sex they are.

You’re likely gay

I think my DH would care less that he would have 30 years ago, and that it doesn't matter whether it was male or female, he's become very relaxed about such things.

Straight women don't find themselves kissing each other. It's not something we ever remotely think about doing.

I wouldn't live a lie.

If one kiss with a woman makes her gay, does one kiss with her husband make her straight again?

She isn't straight.

You kissed somebody else, their sex is not the issue the fact that you kissed somebody other than your husband is. Shoe on the other foot would you be happy to “….just laugh it off”

I presume that the use of lesbian in the title was just for clicks/attention or are you actually a lesbian because if so that is a larger issue within a marriage to a man.

Ooft. My partner would consider that cheating. As would I if it was the other way round. Doesn’t matter what sex they were either. It would signal to me an issue within the marriage for sure, one I would look to explore through counselling I think. I wouldn’t tell him what happened if I wanted to stay married.

I kiss, and hug, my friends (male and female) all the time and have never considered it cheating on my DH and, more importantly, neither does he!

Your marriage is over, and neither of you are straight. Fully expecting you to come back in a few years having left your husbands & be together.

If it went further than a quick mistaken kiss, then I think honesty is important. Forgive yourselves and move on. Don't cause hurt just to clear your conscience, it was a mistake and it didn't go further than that. Don't repeat it with anyone ever again

I don't think the OP's talking about a friendly kiss on the cheek to say hello/goodbye. She's talking about a snog. Think tongues.

Sexuality isn't determined on the basis of one kiss. It's far more complex than that. Obviously. Kissing someone of the same sex one single time due to a mistake, a lapse in judgement or whatever does not shape, change or describe a person's inherent attraction to one sex or another in any way.

It's irrelevant to this discussion anyway - the issue being OP has become emotionally dependent on another person outside of her marriage to the point it's becoming romantic.

Exactly. You can’t be straight OP to have had the urge to do this. That’s fine, sometimes people realise later in life that their preferences aren’t what they thought they were. I have NEVER wanted to kiss a woman even when I’ve had a drink or two. Not even slightly tempted.

I doubt my DH would be impressed. Interestingly, if HE kissed another man I would leave him in a heartbeat. If he kissed another woman it would depend on the circumstances. I guess my thinking may be of the view that if it’s another woman, there’s a chance for us, but if he’s discovered he’s gay, well there’s no hope is there?

As a straight woman I’ve never found myself getting lost in the moment and kissing a lnother woman, I’m guessing someone is denying their sexuality here.
if it was a one off and you regret it I wouldn’t tell your husband, there is nothing to be gained by doing that.

How would you feel if your DH casually kissed a man?

Meh. If my husband kissed another man, I would not be buying that load of bafflegab there.

If the excuse is because you were ‘lonely’ I suggest not being lonely around any stray men otherwise you risk similar happening. Personally I believe a kiss is cheating and extremely intimate, no matter what sex they are.

You claim not to be a lesbian, yet you call this a lesbian kiss. How does that make sense?

Regardless, presumably you are bisexual, but maybe you've not realized before. I am a straight woman. I have some very close friends, who I admire greatly and whose company I very much enjoy. I have never once wanted to kiss any of them, and to be honest, the idea repulses me. (Not that there's anything wrong with same sex kisses, it's just not for me thanks.)

I agree with most posters that this does count as cheating and the fact that it's with a woman doesn't make it any better. I think you need to give some real hard thought into where you want to go from here.

Up to you hen.

But you don't turn gay because of one kiss.

But surely you wouldn't want to kiss someone of the same sex unless you were queer?

Would I care if my wife cheated on me?

Yes.

Time to take a massive step back from her and focus on your relationship.