Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

[Loralo]

Relatively new fried of year that you’ve instantly clicked with. Both felt a bit lonely being SAHM and married to men who work incredibly unsocial hours. Neither consider themselves lesbians. No feelings involved. Very strange and unexpected.

Ive contemplated telling dh as he may well just laugh it off (he’s very level headed and not a jealous cave man type man) but I don’t see what is to be gained by doing so. It won’t happen again.

Tbh we probably leaned on each other too much and became a tad codependent. Friend and I probably spent far too much time together.

You cheated on your husband - emotionally, practically and now sexually.

If you decide not to tell DH then you need to take a step back from your “friend”

Being a mum is tough but I’ve never kissed a mum friend even through the toughest of times.

Whatever the case male or female you kissed someone else, yes you should tell your dh if he kissed another women or male what you be thinking right now I wonder

A kiss is a kiss imo, makes no difference what the sex of the other person was. In our marriage we don’t kiss other people and that’s it. I think my husband would be just as upset if I kissed a woman as if I kissed a man.

Gender and sexuality has nothing to do with it- the point is you kissed someone else.

I am a bisexual woman and one of my oldest female friends is gay- we have shared beds etc over the years and never kissed, because we don't see each other in that way. You clearly do with this friend.

We've agreed to be monogamous so yes, of course he'd care about "just a kiss". And don't people always claim it's a one-off? I think you had better take it seriously.

If you are determined to make your marriage work, I don't think you should necessarily confess. Why risk making your husband unhappy for no reason? But you need to avoid the person to whom you are attracted, focus on what you value in your family life, and make sure this doesn't happen again.

I have a DH who works long hours, and frequently travels with work. I also have lots of close female friends in similar situations. We confide in each other, and offer practical & emotional support. I’ve never kissed (or been tempted to) kiss any of them. What I’m getting at, is it seems like there’s more to unpick here for you, is it lack of attention, lack of affection, feeling overlooked, undervalued?
All of this you can address with your DH.
is your friend going to confess to her husband, as that may force your hand.

You cheated.
I don't think you should tell him.
But you do need to do a lot of reflection about what happened and why.
You had an emotional affair with another person and you kissed them. It doesn't matter which sex the other person is.

I'm male and I'd be fuming if DP had done what you've done @Loralo .

When we were younger, DP would occasionally kiss one of her friends on drunken nights out, because she knew it was a turn on for me, and because the reaction of the men around amused her.

What you've done isn't that though. You've engaged in an emotional affair. It's no less of an emotional affair just because it's not with the sex you're usually attracted to. And now that affair has progressed to physical. Why on earth would your husband not be upset about that!

Mine would be buzzing

How did the kiss happen? There's a difference between a silly drunken kiss and being overcome with the urge to kiss your friend, I think the fact it was another woman is irrelevant

What is the situation....

The two of you at one of your homes watching a film etc leading to a kiss, yes I am sure he will be jealous (I would be).

The two of you on a night out with friends and have a quick peck on the dance floor, no that's fine.

As a lesbian who only realised I was gay later in life (mid-30s) and came out then, I don’t think the concept of “just a kiss between friends” when the friends are adult women with families, is consistent with “I’m very much a straight woman”. You can have a very close female friend as a straight woman without ever having the desire to kiss her. Conversely, when I believed I was straight, definitely wanted to be straight, I kissed “friends” sometimes and always brushed it off afterwards. Eventually I met a woman I fell head over heels in love with and that was the end of “I’m straight”. I wasn’t in a relationship with anyone else at the time, though.

My ex wouldn’t, my current partner would definitely see it as cheating. I (wrongly) thought because it’s a woman all men would be like my ex and automatically enjoy the thought of it but it’s not the case at all.

Very strange. There must be feelings involved otherwise how would it happen?

I am heterosexual and it wouldn't even occur to me to kiss one of my close female friends. It would be like kissing a family member.

It is up to you whether you tell your DH or not and whether you feel like you can live with the secret, but surely you must be questioning your sexuality? If you identify as bi or pansexual etc then please ignore me but I can't understand how a person who identifies as straight would find themselves in a situation where they have kissed another woman who they are close to.

Yuck.

You are in denial. I think you need to acknowledge that people don’t just ‘kiss’ for no reason, and it would be helpful for you to accept there are feelings there that cross a friendship boundary.

My best friend and I are extremely close and have been since being 11. Our children are the same age and we spent a great deal of time together when our children were younger due to our husbands jobs. Never did we kiss, it was never considered.

I think as level headed as your husband is, he would be hurt and would see this as cheating… because it is?

That is exactly my point which I made badly in my last post.

I am straight and it wouldn't even occur to me to kiss one of my female friends. I just don't see women as "kissable" or "fuckable" in any way whatsoever. It would be like kissing a family member.

If your husband kissed someone else how would you feel?!

I'm not convinced you're being honest OP, with yourself. Kissing someone who is a good friend of the same sex doesn't just happen out of nowhere.

'It didn't mean anything' wouldn't be an accurate justification either to yourself or your OP. You cheated and there's nothing in what you've said to suggest it wouldn't happen again.

You’ve cheated on your husband and he wouldn’t be a ‘jealous cave man’ to be annoyed or upset about that. It’s not blameless just because you kissed a woman. I don’t know if you should tell him or not but I also don’t think you should be making excuses for it

He would care if I kissed someone else yes

Regardless you've cheated, you've crossed the line. It doesn't matter if theres no feelings involved, It doesn't matter if they are the same gender and it doesn't matter if it doesn't happen again and to be fair it probably will happen again if you are remaining close friends as there must be something that made you and her want to kiss, I don't go round kissing my friends like that, I hug them of course and occasionally a peck on the cheek. Your husband wouldn't be a "jealous caveman type" to be really pissed off about it either, most level headed people would be annoyed. I think out of respect to your partner it would be best to tell him so he can decide wether he wants to remain in the relationship.

If the OP realised she is a lesbian and no longer wanted to be married to man, then she should end her marriage before finding a girlfriend. The sex or sexual orientation of the extramarital relationship does not cancel out the infidelity.

Depends on your husband tbh only you can judge that. What were the circumstances of the kiss? Who initiated? If it was just a silly kiss then I'd veer more towards not saying but putting in the effort to communicate with your husband about feeling lonely etc and trying to sort issues you are having, if you still want to be with him that is.