Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

[Loralo]

Relatively new fried of year that you’ve instantly clicked with. Both felt a bit lonely being SAHM and married to men who work incredibly unsocial hours. Neither consider themselves lesbians. No feelings involved. Very strange and unexpected.

Ive contemplated telling dh as he may well just laugh it off (he’s very level headed and not a jealous cave man type man) but I don’t see what is to be gained by doing so. It won’t happen again.

Tbh we probably leaned on each other too much and became a tad codependent. Friend and I probably spent far too much time together.

this

I’ve had a few friendships over the years, people whose company I enjoyed and really got on with and spend lots of time with. Didn’t want to kiss any of them. Still friends but life changes and people get busy etc so friendships transitioned to more infrequent, but still close.

I’d only ever been attracted to men so it wouldn’t have occurred to me to kiss any of them!

I then had one intense friendships where I realised I did want to kiss her, I woke up in the morning wanting to message her. Spent all my spare time with her… We’ve been married now for 10 years. So I wouldnt dismiss what’s happened as if it’s a natural thing to have happened because you got so close. It’s not. Don’t tell your husband and keep your distance while your crush dies down

That's called having mum friends but I never kissed mine 😂

Are you serious? What do you expect to achieve by telling him?

He's unlikely to be impressed that you kissed anyone regardless of sex. At best.

Wow ! You cheated and imo the worst way by having a gay affair . Your husband should leave you !!

Ouch, that will hurt any man’s ego.

If a partner of mine kissed another fella I would be even more disgusted than if they had kissed another woman. Having said that I would end the relationship in either scenario.

It's cheating and yes my DH would care.

I think he will be very upset. Imagine if it was a man you kissed? How would he feel? I would imagine he would feel similar about this woman but a bit more confused. If it was a one-off and you want to keep your marriage I would be inclined to keep quiet.

Am I missing something? You say this woman is just a friend you spend a lot of time with and got close to. Most people don't snog their friends, even very close ones, unless perhaps they are blind drunk. Something is going on!

My DM had an emotional affair with a woman that became sexual briefly.

They divorced but when my dad died 10 years later, we found information about it. So my DM had to tell us all and apologise.

I don't know what you ought to do about telling anyone, but I do think you should end it.

Reminds me of the film bridesmaids when the two women get drunk and kiss on the plane 🤣
there are a lot of very judgmental and uptight people on this thread!
I wouldn’t tell him unless you think there’s more to it as in you are actually attracted to this friend.
All the judgy people on this thread who have obviously never done anything wrong should take a look at themselves! Little Mr and Mrs perfects everywhere!!

It’s weird because without the kiss, I’m not sure it constituted as an affair as such purely because neither of you consider yourselves to be homosexual. I can see why people are saying it was an emotional affair because obviously had this been a man, it may well have been but when it’s a woman and you’re both heterosexual, it’s surely just a very close friendship?

The kiss complicates things a lot. In combination with the over reliance you’ve developed for one another, I’d say it pushes it into affair boundaries irrespective of sexuality. You’re right to give her a break.

I probably would tell DH and would frame it as you have on this post. You were both feeling lonely, husbands are not around much, you had a shared vested interest in your DC and it all became a bit too much. You don’t know why the kiss even happened and feel confused about it but have parted ways from her and wanted to be honest with him.

The only time I’ve ever known this happen was a friend of a friend who was getting a bit bored in her relationship and kissed a random woman on a night out. She told herself it meant nothing and it was a one off to feel “free” again.

Fast forward six months and she had met a woman on a dating site as she needed to scratch the itch further, and left her husband. Fast forward a year and she is now engaged to that woman. Just saying!

It was not induced by alcohol. Which does make it seem worse in my head. Maybe boredom?

What a peculiar response! It really wouldn't bother you if your husband kissed someone (man or woman) that he had been spending a lot of one on one time with? Wow, get you, you're so cool! Your husband must be loving the freedom you so generously allow him with other women.

Would you not be upset by his betrayal?

You are cheater trying to rationalise your disgraceful and dishonest wrongdoing.
So you open a thread in AIBU, hoping that we will laugh it off and provide you moral ground for your acts. Fuck that.

Kissing someone else without it being agreed upon in advance would be cheating for us.

I say that in theory there could be an agreement, but I don’t see us being likely to make one.

You need to think about why this happened. If it really is that your DH isn’t giving you enough time and you’d like more time, communicate with him.

If you tell him it’ll either be him being angry over it, not caring or wanting to explore it with you…..which could be dangerous territory. He and this woman could end up together and you all alone.

Personally I wouldn’t tell him. It was a kiss.

Genuinely, non-drunken kisses between people of the same gender/sex do not occur if both are “straight”. You might be bi, you might be gay, but no one kisses their same-sex friend because they’re bored/lonely/unfulfilled in their marriage.

Before deciding whether or not to tell your husband about this, if I were you I would take some time to really think back on your past friendships with women, and your innermost sexual desires. Have you had very intense female friendships? Do you think about women when you masturbate? There is nothing wrong with either of those things, and if you want to stay in your marriage then you can, but you need to understand yourself better and be able to be honest with your husband as opposed to “it just happened”. These things do not “just happen”.

Kissing someone else is cheating no matter if it's male or female

Respectfully, you are in denial.

This is what I think, too, I’m afraid. I have some very close female friends and I’ve never had any urge to kiss/snog any of them. You hug female friends, you don’t kiss them like you would a partner.

You’ve become more than friends, it’s turned into an emotional affair as has been said.

The OP says she wasn't drunk. She 'instantly clicked' with someone, spent all her spare time with them for a year in a way she has already said was co-dependent, and then they kissed. It's very obviously total bollocks to say she's not attracted to her friend. They have a very intense friendship and have snogged each other. That's not a drunken mistake, that's an affair.

The sex of the friend is irrelevant. It's not somehow more acceptable to cheat when it's a woman.

All the judgy people on this thread who have obviously never done anything wrong should take a look at themselves! Little Mr and Mrs perfects everywhere!!

I'm far from perfect and I've done many, many things wrong in my life. I have not, however, cheated on my partner in any way, ever.

This!