Would your husband care about a one off lesbian kiss

[Loralo]

Relatively new fried of year that you’ve instantly clicked with. Both felt a bit lonely being SAHM and married to men who work incredibly unsocial hours. Neither consider themselves lesbians. No feelings involved. Very strange and unexpected.

Ive contemplated telling dh as he may well just laugh it off (he’s very level headed and not a jealous cave man type man) but I don’t see what is to be gained by doing so. It won’t happen again.

Tbh we probably leaned on each other too much and became a tad codependent. Friend and I probably spent far too much time together.

I wouldn’t tell him. What good can come of that? Would you tell him if you kissed a man?

as for ‘no feelings’ involved. Oh, OP. You’ll figure it out eventually, one way or another.
friends don’t kiss like that, and I say that as a gay woman. I wouldn’t kiss a straight OR gay friend like that.

Stop blaming your husband. This just sounds like the female version of "oh my wife isn't giving me enough attention any more" when a man has sex with someone else, while his poor wife is run ragged looking after a new baby. You are making excuses.

Well you're bisexual at the very least. In 50-odd years on this planet, and with dozens of female friends over the years, I have inexplicably managed to not kiss/snog the face off any of them. Even when tipsy/drunk/very drunk.

I probably wouldn't tell my husband if I'd kissed another woman though. Why does he need to know? Unless you're worried SHE will tell him.

The way you describe it, it sounds more emotionally involved than crazy one=off night out thing (which I would still have a problem with). It does sound like emotional affair territory regardless of the sex of the person involved.

Are you still spending a lot of time with them?

Exactly! Ive never come close to snogging a friend, no matter how close we are, or how much time we spend together.

Quite.

This. Me and my friends have shared beds on multiple occasions, during times where we've been through break-ups, been emotional, extremely drunk etc. Not once have we ever ended up kissing?!

Also what's with the "jealous cave man" comment?! It's nothing to do with jealousy! You've cheated on your husband.

What response did you expect from this thread "Oh no I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine with it and it will fulfil all of his lesbian fantasies. Maybe he'll even want to watch next time!".

You've cheated. Man or woman makes no difference whatsoever.

If as a non lesbian, you have felt so lonely, unsupported and bored you have ended up in an emotional affair and kissing a woman friend, then really it's time to discuss this properly with your husband. You are obviously looking for something as your relationship is not giving you what you need, this time it was a female friend and you can detach from it because you ultimately arent gay, but next time it could be a male you start to get close with and then you are in full blown affair territory. And if you find noone else, then what, continue to be lonely, bored and unsupported alone for eternity?

It sounds like you have identified issues to be addressed in your marriage OP so I would focus on that and avoid getting into that situation again.

I do think you need to acknowledge that kissing a woman is cheating just as much as kissing a man would be. Almost worse in a way as you have formed such a close personal connection with her.

I used to be a problematic binge drinker and in all my years of getting hammered, sometimes blackout drunk, with v close female friends, some of who are bi or gay, I have NEVER kissed one of them. At the very least you have an attraction to this woman so that's something you need to think about

I had a very good friend in my village, we did everything together. Our boys were born a week apart. We ended up running the local toddler group together. At one point we had a double pram for the boys, I had an older child at school and she’d bring the double (she bought it second hand and wanted more kid in the future) as she passed the school on the way to set up for the toddler group. My son would walk, then he’d hop in the pram by his little mate, I’d continue on with the school run and she’d then be free to set up the hall as I had the boys with me. We went everywhere and took the pram on all outings. Never did it cross my mind to kiss her or vice versa. There’s more to this than just a kiss. My husband would leave me.

It sounds like you have identified issues to be addressed in your marriage OP so I would focus on that and avoid getting into that situation again.

I do think you need to acknowledge that kissing a woman is cheating just as much as kissing a man would be. Almost worse in a way as you have formed such a close personal connection with her.

I used to be a problematic binge drinker and in all my years of getting hammered, sometimes blackout drunk, with v close female friends, some of who are bi or gay, I have NEVER kissed one of them. At the very least you have an attraction to this woman so that's something you need to think about

These are exactly the same things I do with my best friends…..I don’t snog them and hide it from my husband.

The Lesbian bit is irrelevant, you are married and kissed someone else, thats cheating

Also my BF IS a Lesbian and I have never kissed her.
We are friends and have a husband/wife and it would never occur to me to think about her sexually and I imagine its the same for her

Well it's essentially an emotional affair, regardless of sex. So yes my DP would be hurt. It wouldn't lessen because of the gender of the other person.
For what it's worth, my DP works away and very long, unsociable hours also. I too rely on friends for support. I don't kiss them.

Of course he would - it’s cheating!

I think you should tell him only because it might spiral if you keep it quiet ie he might be more concerned that you hid it, instead of being concerned about the kiss itself.

Man, woman, it really doesn't matter.
You cheated.
And it does seem as if you're somehow trying to blame your husband for you kissing someone else because he's never there.

Was it a mistake? Or did you want to kiss her back op? How do you feel about her?

I ask because whilst young (and unmarried but in a serious relationship) one of my friends suddenly kissed me. It was so out of the blue, I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do - and was curious whether it was an experience I would like. Did you have the choice? Were you consciously choosing to kiss her?

If the answer is no, then I would tell your dh the entire truth and that you were blindsided.
Maybe she has feelings for you, and was looking for the right time.

If you did enjoy it, welcome it, kiss her back please go into counselling before doing anything to decide how you feel before doing anything. You need time to establish your feelings first.

@MinPinSins see also the post where a man describes this as 'the milder end of cheating'. Why? Because it was 'just' a kiss or because neither of them have a penis? The misogyny on this thread...

I had a similar co-dependent relationship with a female friend. Nothing physical ever happened but I'm certain if I'd given her the slightest encouragement, it would have. We were both married to men. My husband can be shockingly perceptive sometimes (and horrifically dim at others!) and he was definitely uncomfortable with mine and this friend's dynamic. He generally expressed it jokingly by saying things like "you fancy her more than me" or "you'll run off with her someday". She did, for a time, feel like my (platonic for me) soul mate so I get where he was coming from.

The friendship has now ended for unrelated reasons but looking back, I can see that she very frequently said and did things to undermine my marriage. She was quite manipulative and we were definitely unhealthy for each other.

In terms of your DH, he'd be quite right to feel you cheated - because you did. I think if I'd shared a kiss with my co-dependent friend, my marriage could very well have imploded.

It sounds like you were attracted to each other or you wouldn’t have kissed. So possibly not straight? This may come as a shock to admit it but perhaps you’re in denial about your sexuality. I wouldn’t tell him as it could blow up your marriage.

Kissing another woman is the same as kissing another man. Would he laugh it off if you kissed a man? Why would he because she's a woman? You cheated on him, you had an emotional affair and kissed someone else, that's the end of it really. If you come clean it's down to you but I would think very hard about the outcome of this before you plough ahead.

If it really is a one off, then I wouldn’t say anything as I can’t see what is to be gained by telling him. Sounds like you were both low & lacking something in your marriages & found comfort in one another but have realised that it’s not something you are going to pursue further. Try working with your DHs on your relationships & getting that back to where it needs to be & keep your distance from one another.

I asked my husband this ages ago as a hypothetical question and he said he would still class it as cheating regardless of who it was with . I agree with him