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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

243 replies

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

OP posts:
thejeanjeanie · 10/11/2025 21:50

Maybe he’s just drowning in debt (£2k a month on credit cards!) and a quick fix solution presented itself. It’s shit for you for sure but if he’s in a debt spiral he’s maybe not thinking straight?

But the complicated “friendships” have ENM written all over them I’m afraid.

divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:59

I understood it as he has 2k on a credit card not 2k payments per month

OP posts:
Goldenboxes · 10/11/2025 22:16

Ah OP, help yourself.
Of course she has a problem with you.
Its likely they have had a thing.
His priority is the other women in his life.
You are simply the desperate woman that allows him luse her and her home.

You have an utterly miserable future ahead of you if you seriously think this user is all you deserve.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help you build self-esteem.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 10/11/2025 22:31

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:43

It’s more that to be able to make cash on his house he’s reliant on living with me? But we’d not had a conversation about him living with me that’s why I said I was happy progressing slowly no pressure need to meet his parents and he can go back to his for washing etc no problem but this would change it to actually he needs to stay at mine as if he went back to his it would cause problems I do have trust issues so I don’t know if I’m being unreasonably jealous

he has said he will speak to his other friend and if there was a problem she could move back to his other friends again but I think one she’s moved there with her kids she’s not exactly just going to be easy to kick out is she nobody would do that over Christmas and what if her relationship with this new guy ends

You KNOW this is not going to work.
No one has a right to force you to let them move in. I think you like a little bit of privacy still at this stage of your relationship, and he wants to take your privacy and security away for the sake of a female friend of his. And pay you next to nothing for the inconvenience.

This has more red flags than a Chinese holiday parade.

You can do better and in fact, you DESERVE better!

MadinMarch · 11/11/2025 00:42

Silverbirchleaf · 10/11/2025 18:46

£140! That’s nothing. Add up you food , heating, consumables (toilet roll, washing up liquid etc) etc and divide by half. Thats how much he should be giving you. £140 is probably two weeks food bill ,(for one person) at most.

Also, he doesn’t get to decide to move in with you.

Plus, half the council tax, wifi and Netflix etc, plus half your rent or mortgage.
This bloke's having a larf! At your expense...
How can he possibly justify his proposal as being remotely acceptable?

Perfectlove · 11/11/2025 01:07

A massive no, one red flag after another, go back to single & dont look back

JulianClarysDog · 11/11/2025 01:15

I’m sorry OP but this relationship feels like it’s on a hiding to nothing.

BaalSatanas · 11/11/2025 01:15

You need to get rid of this loser.

Do not agree to him committing fraud by not declaring this extra cash in hand rental income to HMRC.

You can guarantee that when you dump him he’ll couple up with said “friend”. Then you’ll know you did the right thing.

Cornishwafer · 11/11/2025 05:14

Well done OP, you've done the right thing. Over the next few days you might feel sad and even miss him and regret telling him to go...but in a few weeks as the fog clears you'll wonder why you put up with him taking advance of you for as long as he did.
You've done the best thing looking after yourself...someone had to.

fishfingerbutty · 11/11/2025 06:55

Well done,OP. You’ve made the very best decision there. Look forward to the future now, on your own terms.

BillieWiper · 11/11/2025 08:54

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:41

I think the £140 has come about because he still has to pay bills and mortgage at his house and he has to pay extra petrol driving to mine so he says it’s what he can afford

Well it's not enough for his contribution if he's living with you? Of course he has to pay his own mortgage etc. that's presumably why he wants to rent a room/his flat out, so he can give you more money?

Cornishwafer · 11/11/2025 10:44

Also OP.. if you start to have second thoughts that you've made the wrong decision, know that if he really cares, reflects and starts to develop some empathy.. he will come back and tell you he knows where he went wrong, is truly sorry for this and come up with a solution that you feel comfortable with. Hate to be negative but I feel its unlikely...my point though is that you had to say what you did in order to see who he truly is (or had the potential to be, either better or worse).

Shadesofscarlett · 11/11/2025 11:17

normally when a couple move in together they discuss and agree it. he is literally moving in by stealth and you are letting him walk all over you. Why?

Millytante · 11/11/2025 13:08

Great news OP! You've done the right thing, you really have. This was only going to bring you hurt and misery, and you’re worthy of respect and consideration. Onwards, and don’t look back. x

Cornishwafer · 11/11/2025 13:14

Also OP.. if you start to have second thoughts that you've made the wrong decision, know that if he really cares, reflects and starts to develop some empathy.. he will come back and tell you he knows where he went wrong, is truly sorry for this and come up with a solution that you feel comfortable with. Hate to be negative but I feel its unlikely...my point though is that you had to say what you did in order to see who he truly is (or had the potential to be, either better or worse).

SliceofTosst · 11/11/2025 13:59

Well done OP. I think there's a shit load of underhand stuff going on. You don't need to be part of this.

You haven't even met any family, let alone what's going on with this weird web of 'friends' and spouses. Just add financial behaviour and it's a massive red flag.

MrsWallers · 11/11/2025 14:23

Shadesofscarlett · 10/11/2025 19:21

so cocklodging, up to his eyeballs in debt, expecting you to somehow shoulder the cost of his fuel to visit you, committing fraud and probably cheating with 1 or both of these women and maybe others. But you are so passive you are looking for excuses for him and his behaviour.

Absolutely this!

Doobedobe · 11/11/2025 14:37

He lives with you he pays half the bills and rent. Tell him to fuxk off.

Theslummymummy · 11/11/2025 17:20

A few things jump out at me.

You seem overly jealous that he has female friends that he wants/wanted to spend time with. You feel he is sneaky. You haven't met his family. He wants to move in but you arent sure. He thinks 140quid is enough for a months expenses. Also a lot of your posts are v hard to read as you don't use any punctuation.

End it now.

Caroparo52 · 11/11/2025 17:25

Far too many red flags. He wants his cake and eat it. I wouldn't be comfortable with the situation. I admit I would be jealous and suspicious and it would eat away at the relationship. Not a winner op. Too messy and complicated.

BIossomtoes · 11/11/2025 17:30

BaconCheeses · 10/11/2025 17:42

Wtf did I just read?!

You spend several paragraphs on the female friend issue and then lob in the actual hand grenade that he's moved into your house, without your consent, and offered what he thinks is fair rent money, like its just part of the story.

Mate, he is a walking red flag.

Run like the fucking wind.

Worrying about the female friend issue is like trying to manage a flood with a fork.

Couldn’t put it better.

AuntieLemonade · 11/11/2025 18:01

Well done on the “No”

Also, in addition to the abundance of 🚩s he sounds rather thick… Thick = ick for me

UpMyself · 11/11/2025 18:48

@Theslummymummy , Pot calling the kettle black. She's already ended it.

Jollyhockeystickss · 11/11/2025 22:05

I think hes been sharing his dangly bits with these other 2 women and he doesnt want you to find out so hes keeping them sweet but whatever hes doing hes not putting you 1st and hes using you, hes actually playing all of you

Mumlaplomb · 12/11/2025 06:48

Ask him to move out OP. He’s absolutely taking the piss out of you on many levels here.