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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

243 replies

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

OP posts:
MrsBlobby64 · 10/11/2025 20:39

Big CF & CL vibes - run for the hills...

outerspacepotato · 10/11/2025 20:45

Who is the co-owner of his house?

SpicyRedRobin · 10/11/2025 20:53

Why are you allowing this man to move into your house despite not taking your relationship seriously? I hope he's paying half your rent and bills at minimum.

This sounds like a lessons learnt all around.

Sgreenpy · 10/11/2025 20:54

Just say no.
'That doesn't work for me right now. I don't want to live together full time.'
He's perfectly entitled to have friends of the opposite sex, many people do (my best friend is a man!) Although in this case you dont seem to trust him either.
This is a smokescreen as you're being forced to live with him when you don't really want to and your bills are not being halved (as they should be!).
Also you cant rent a whole property out 'casually' - you can take a lodger as i believe are different rules in regard to obligations etc (if you own/mortgaged on your own home).

Quantumfisiks · 10/11/2025 20:56

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:07

I suggested 50 a week but he said he has 2k a month credit card and spends 140 on increased diesel and only saves 30-40 on his bills

So how is he managing this currently? it’s doesn’t make sense that he can afford his lifestyle now, but when he rents out his flat, he will only be able to afford to pay £140.

£2k a MONTH on credit cards??

Onmytod24 · 10/11/2025 21:00

He’s not going to rent her the whole house she’ll be there as his lodger which is not illegal in shared ownership.

BruFord · 10/11/2025 21:05

Onmytod24 · 10/11/2025 21:00

He’s not going to rent her the whole house she’ll be there as his lodger which is not illegal in shared ownership.

@Onmytod24 Ah, so he clearly needs to live there himself instead of moving in with the OP. That makes far more sense.

@divisifting DON’T let him move in with you right now, it’s not a good idea. Plus he’s not planning to contribute properly.

crazeekat · 10/11/2025 21:07

Oh man get the cf gone. It’s been 2 months, u shouldn’t even know his finances at this point nor he urs, he is a bad bad news this will only end in disaster for you. Say bye and thank ur lucky stars for near misses. He is fking u over big time and his ‘friends’ know the real him .

BonneMaman77 · 10/11/2025 21:08

In one year you are having arguments over other women and, strange behaviours from all three as you’ve described. Why do you want this for your life? Now he will move in with you despite the fact that you questioned it? It’s your place and he has “doubled down”?

Leave now OP before you have anymore weird stories to write here on Mumsnet walls

divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:10

Well I’ve just had it out with him and asked him to go back to his and he’s leaving

OP posts:
Shadesofscarlett · 10/11/2025 21:10

Onmytod24 · 10/11/2025 21:00

He’s not going to rent her the whole house she’ll be there as his lodger which is not illegal in shared ownership.

he is renting her and her kids his whole house and is moving in with op?

sunshinestar1986 · 10/11/2025 21:10

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

Are you happy financially supporting him, while he financially supports other women and is there for them emotionally so you're not even his first priority?

divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:10

I’ve explained everything about why I’m not happy with it and I said if him moving in properly is something we wanted to do then he’d need to pay a lot more than 140

OP posts:
divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:12

Shadesofscarlett · 10/11/2025 21:10

he is renting her and her kids his whole house and is moving in with op?

He’s trying to say it would be a house share/room rent agreement and doesn’t think it counts as subletting as it’s his registered primary residence but I said no it’s not she’d be renting the entire house

OP posts:
swingingbytheseat · 10/11/2025 21:16

He sounds like he’s scared of closeness. You won’t be able to change his behaviour, so think about if you want to be with someone whose not a full adult yet

SpicyRedRobin · 10/11/2025 21:19

Are you sure she's not his partner and those are his kids?!

It makes no sense he's moving her into his house and then living for free in yours.

Plus you haven't met any of his family, which she probably has... This is way too much drama for a year long relationship. I would have been out of the door at '2 close female friends' if I'm honest.

BruFord · 10/11/2025 21:21

Well done @divisifting. I’m sorry, but he sounds silly thinking that he can get away with letting his friend and her family have the entire house and pretending that he still lives there, it could backfire massively.

He needs to sort himself out and start prioritizing you before your relationship can progress. 💐

Neveranynamesleft · 10/11/2025 21:22

The only thing you need to say to him is " We're done. Goodbye."

Hatty65 · 10/11/2025 21:23

divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:10

I’ve explained everything about why I’m not happy with it and I said if him moving in properly is something we wanted to do then he’d need to pay a lot more than 140

Yes. A lot more.

I live in a very cheap area in the North and I charge my 20 yo DS £200 a month board and lodge. Which is an absolute token amount. Even to rent a cheap flat, pay council tax, bills and food he would probably be looking at about £1200 out of his wages. But I gave birth to him.

I would not put a bloke up for that. And I would have laughed in the face of anyone who suggested they moved in with me and contributed £140 because that's all they could afford and had debts.

That is not your problem.

Neveranynamesleft · 10/11/2025 21:23

The only thing you need to say to him is " We're done. Goodbye."

Sartre · 10/11/2025 21:26

Haven’t RTFT but massive red flags waving here. First is the fact you haven’t met his family a year in. Second is how awkward his friend you ‘briefly’ and seemingly mistakenly met was around you. Are you certain you aren’t the OW? Just thinking with it mostly being a distance relationship until recently but he still goes home at the weekend, so guessing he’s always staying at yours and you never his? It’s a really really weird situation.

I’d also definitely be wary of the female friend who recently got divorced.

Mymanyellow · 10/11/2025 21:32

dump him ffs who needs all the drama

BippidyBoppety · 10/11/2025 21:41

Well done OP. I think this was hard for you, but standing your ground is the right thing to do. Well done.

divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:42

Sartre · 10/11/2025 21:26

Haven’t RTFT but massive red flags waving here. First is the fact you haven’t met his family a year in. Second is how awkward his friend you ‘briefly’ and seemingly mistakenly met was around you. Are you certain you aren’t the OW? Just thinking with it mostly being a distance relationship until recently but he still goes home at the weekend, so guessing he’s always staying at yours and you never his? It’s a really really weird situation.

I’d also definitely be wary of the female friend who recently got divorced.

What happened was basically she works with him so a few weeks ago finally came the day when we were going to an event at his work and she was going to be there so I was all excited wanting to make a good impression on this friend who’s apparently his absolute closest friend in the world like a sister but then when we got there we were stood in the foyer and I went to the loo, when I came back she was talking to him so I thought ok time to say hi but just as I got there she walked over to another person she knew a few metres away which might have been coincidence but she 100% clocked me as I went to him but cue awkward standing a few meters away but not introduced then he went to the loo leaving me in this painfully awkward situation as I know she’s there she knows I’m there but I hadn’t been introduced. When he came back he finally said let’s see Chloe but she just came across a bit unhappy and the conversation was extremely brief before she left, I’d been as smiley and happy as I could but later she’d just walk back and forth (working) but no smile or comment in our direction. That night he said her uncle had died or something she was having a bad day but still if my absolute closest friend had a new partner I’d make an effort to be friendly and smiley and be happy for them. I said that was awkward I’d like to meet her properly but since then it hasn’t happened as shortly after it was the whole ‘things will be different’ and they’ve not really hung out since

OP posts:
Iwantamarshmallowman · 10/11/2025 21:45

I read somthing really similar in take abreak magazine. It turned out the woman he had moved in to his place was actually his wife. He kept going back to do 'matenence' but would be gone for days on end. I'd just chuck him out.

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