To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

[divisifting]

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

do better. dump him.

he was never clear on what the husbands issue was but I thought it was weird as they kept going away with the three of them and they married friend was leaving her husband and kids at home yet posting pics of them as ‘the team’ and one posted she loved my bf on his birthday so apparently after meeting me and all that he mentioned that her husband was a bit unhappy and it was awkward and they wanted to focus on their marriage and that was a factor in things being different not just me

@nixon1976 Yes, make it clear that he’s not moving in right now and reduce the number of nights that he stays.

He really does sound abit daft to me, he could be saddled with his friend and her family for months. Houses don’t always sell quickly, then there’s all the paperwork, then she’s got to find a new place that’s affordable, etc.

Relationships are not meant to be this difficult. Especially at the start which is the exciting “honeymoon” phase.

I’d call it a day. Trust is so important.

It doesn't matter what he can afford.
It matters what it costs.

You have confirtmed that your boyfriend owes £2000 on a credit card - rather than has a payment of £2000 each month.

If he has this debt on a 0% balance transfer his monthly repayment could be as little as £20 each month. If he doesn't have it on a 0% balance transfer and is paying standard credit card rates he should apply for a 0% card ASAP.

The payments for 2K on a credit card well managed will be minimal. I understand that he would like to pay off his debt but that shouldn't be at your expense otherwise it is actually you that is paying it off - and why should you?

I hate the use of the word technically.
It's not technically not legal
It's illegal

Aside from the drama and his taking the absolute piss regarding his contribution, I’d also find it a bit weird to have not met his family after a year. What gives?

So no insurance
No tax

He wants to use staying with you to pay off his credit card? That's not sexy.

The vital point to me is that you said that you are not ready for him to move in.

The fact he is trying to take advantage shows that you are probably right to have your concerns.

You don't 'know' this man, no matter how long you've known him, you just think you do. You've only seen one side of him, the one he chose to show you.

Now he thinks he's got a foot in your door you are seeing the real person and you don't like it. Take everyone's advice, see this as the chance to end it.

£140????

Fuck off sunshine.

You NEVER have to live with a man if you don't want to, they snore and fart and do stinky shits in the toilet while helping themselves to your food, just enjoy a shag once a week and kick him out the door. (Insist on condoms, you don't know where else he's been sticking it).

Op thhis is also correct - just google it. he cannot rent out the whole house undder shared ownership. If he got caught by the HA (or HMRC for tax) it could be a real mess, and you end up stuck with him living with you.

https://www.newlon.org.uk/residents/home-owners/subletting/

The contract would not be worth a thing with the new renters rights legislation coming in. He could have a very hard time getting her out if she decided to stay. Also as a landlord he would need to do all sorts of gas/ electric EPC certificates.
it sounds to me like it’s got grief written all over it.
Also it sounds like he wants to free load off you whilst making a profit off this woman. I’d be very wary about shacking up with someone when I haven’t even met their friends or family properly. He sounds quite dodgy to me.

IMO it is messy, and if your gut feeling this is not right, then I would go with it. Obviously, ultimately you cannot control who he rents to , but with this female friend renting, abd he is giving you £140 a month is not fair in my mind. The comment he hoping to pay off his credit card, he hoping this moving in with you and renting his house out, what is in it fir you. And to say , he would feel bad if you said no, it is he trying to make you feel guilty. When you met his female friend the vibe was awkward and he went out with her and his kids without telling you. Save your own piece and space and I personally wouldn't let him stay over , he just carry on with this renting and it is winter. Bet he won't be watching price of gas and electricity at your house. I personally would finish the relationship,, and I know it's hard, but he is reaping all the benefits. Xx

OP thinks that by saying "casually" this doesn't count.
OP if he's in your house then you'll no longer get single personal allowance on your council tax

Hell no! This has got red flags all over it. Get rid of him now OP and don't look back. He is trying to control and manipulate you. Please be careful and do not let him move in with you. Stop all the overnights and cut him loose. He has the red flags of an abuser.

OP, I'm so pleased you are listening to the majority / all of the other posters. A couple of other things to think about ...

You are close to doing the "pick me" dance - other woman/women in the picture, and the suspicion you are not number 1 in his life.

Does your landlord know your "DP" has all but moved in? You say you are renting, there'll be a contract somewhere with the T&C's on. Even if it's short term the "DP" stays you may be breaking your contract with your landlord.

Council tax as others have pointed out - don't get yourself in trouble because your "DP" needs to pay off his credit card! That is not your responsibility.

Will your "DP" be changing the credit cards / any other debts to your address (which would happen with declaring on Council Tax)? If you get linked to him financially you could find yourself further down the line with a bad debt record (I think I'm correct in this, but happy for others to state if I'm making stuff up - ).

I think it's too soon and way too messy at this stage to be living together.

Nope. You deserve better than a man deciding he will move in with you because he can help a friend (illegally) and pay off his credit card on you. Tell him that, and he’s chosen his priorities which is his finances and his friend and you can see you’re very useful to him in achieving those but that’s not your idea of a relationship and you’re uncomfortable with the illegality part too so he won’t be moving in. You didn’t get consulted and he’d be stuck at yours if he got caught with renting the house.

OP..another poster mentioned the female friend thing is a red herring and I agree ..its a very convenient distraction that flips the situation leaving you focused on your 'jealousy' (and therefore maybe worried, deep down that you are at fault/controlling) while drawing attention away from the larger issues at play.
If your DP was going to rent his house out to another man while paying you £140 a month this would still be wrong...the fact you feel uncomfortable about the female friend issue works well for your DP...it means this element comes into your discussions and is fodder for making you seem unreasonable or jealous...when issue at hand should be the fact that he's being grabby.

No. The fact he tried to steamroll over you and go ahead with it anyway even when you told him you weren’t comfortable with it would take it entirely off the table for me and would more than likely be the end of the relationship aswell. That’s not the actions of someone who cares about you.

The major red flags:

1. you haven't met any of his friends or family yet you've been together for one year. (Ask yourself why? Why does he only seem to have these two females hanging about and no one else?)

2. he is using manipulation tactics to get you to agree to him moving in with you under the guise of letting his friend stay at his to get extra cash (cock n bull story, likely trying to get his feet under the table to make it harder for you to get rid of him. Then he'll not pay his keep or lift a finger. You'll be doing everything for him).

3. he doesn't care about your feelings and makes that blatantly clear by how he is treating you ( why all the secrecy? If you smell a rat, it usually is a rat)

Also if he moves in with you for £140 a month (or £240, it’s still a pittance) at what point does he actually start paying his way?