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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

243 replies

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

OP posts:
divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:37

If it’s relevant I’m renting and he has his own house part ownership he’s had for years. I think aside from the concerns about trust and if it’s appropriate I also think there’s so much risk that it could go wrong

OP posts:
Frostynoman · 10/11/2025 17:39

Super messy all round. I think he needs some space to get his head and priorities straight

NarnianQueen · 10/11/2025 17:39

I would end this relationship tbh, it’s going to get so much messier, and you know it instinctively! Your intuition is what’s making you feel uncomfortable about his cosy close friendships with these women.

Dacatspjs · 10/11/2025 17:39

He's going to pay you £140 a month to live with you?? Cocklodger alert.

I bet he's not paying you anything at the moment despite being there 6 nights a week.

£140 whilst renting his place out for cash, cheeky fucker has it made

fishfingerbutty · 10/11/2025 17:40

Just say no.
(As an aside,£140 a month wouldn’t go far, would it?)

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:40

I think also relevant information is he’s so defensive about talking about them and I was upset that after the first time he mentioned it I said I was really uncomfortable about it and I felt like he basically wanted to make money off living with me and treat me as a place to stay to pay off his credit card and then I said I wanted time to think but the next day when I brought it up I found out he’d continued to message her about how long she’d stay and payments etc which I felt just disregarded my feelings

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 10/11/2025 17:41

You can't force him not to rent out a room to his friend. Do you actually want to live with him or not? If not then he stays in his flat and if he wants his friend to stay they sleep on the couch or spare room. If you do then I don't see why you can dictate who he rents his empty property to?

£140 a month though? That wouldn't cover a week.

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:41

I think the £140 has come about because he still has to pay bills and mortgage at his house and he has to pay extra petrol driving to mine so he says it’s what he can afford

OP posts:
Sofaflop · 10/11/2025 17:41

You don't get to say who he rents his house to - in any healthy realtionship you wouldn't need to.

There's just so much wrong here, if you know what's good for you he's going to need that house himself.

AmberRose86 · 10/11/2025 17:41

Oh no. Way too messy for me. I’d be out. Sorry OP.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/11/2025 17:41

Don't let him stay with you any more. You are not on the same page, this has disaster written all over it.

Guidanceplease20 · 10/11/2025 17:41

Move on. Life really doesnt need to be this difficult.

Curl up, watch the movie Rita, Sue and Bob too, and have a wry smile.

BaconCheeses · 10/11/2025 17:42

Wtf did I just read?!

You spend several paragraphs on the female friend issue and then lob in the actual hand grenade that he's moved into your house, without your consent, and offered what he thinks is fair rent money, like its just part of the story.

Mate, he is a walking red flag.

Run like the fucking wind.

Worrying about the female friend issue is like trying to manage a flood with a fork.

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:43

It’s more that to be able to make cash on his house he’s reliant on living with me? But we’d not had a conversation about him living with me that’s why I said I was happy progressing slowly no pressure need to meet his parents and he can go back to his for washing etc no problem but this would change it to actually he needs to stay at mine as if he went back to his it would cause problems I do have trust issues so I don’t know if I’m being unreasonably jealous

he has said he will speak to his other friend and if there was a problem she could move back to his other friends again but I think one she’s moved there with her kids she’s not exactly just going to be easy to kick out is she nobody would do that over Christmas and what if her relationship with this new guy ends

OP posts:
BaconCheeses · 10/11/2025 17:44

He's a cuckoo BTW.

AmberRose86 · 10/11/2025 17:44

BaconCheeses · 10/11/2025 17:42

Wtf did I just read?!

You spend several paragraphs on the female friend issue and then lob in the actual hand grenade that he's moved into your house, without your consent, and offered what he thinks is fair rent money, like its just part of the story.

Mate, he is a walking red flag.

Run like the fucking wind.

Worrying about the female friend issue is like trying to manage a flood with a fork.

Theres no point. This is not an OP who is going to take this on board I fear

2024onwardsandup · 10/11/2025 17:45

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:41

I think the £140 has come about because he still has to pay bills and mortgage at his house and he has to pay extra petrol driving to mine so he says it’s what he can afford

Mate get some self respect - if he wants to move in with you he pays half the rent half
the bills does half the chores etc

the grear news is that women don’t have to be doormats anymore

i I don’t think you be remotely concerned about what he does with this other woman - I’d tell
him he’s welcome to her and all the best see ya

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:45

In the last couple of weeks he seems genuinely to have drifted apart from these female friends as I mentioned as one of my issues that I hadn’t met them properly the one of them who was off with me used the excuse of a bad day but it didn’t seem right to me if you’re close friend had a new partner you’d be happy to see them and friendly but now he says I probably won’t even meet them yet the minute this one asked for his house he’s jumping at it

OP posts:
BaconCheeses · 10/11/2025 17:45

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:43

It’s more that to be able to make cash on his house he’s reliant on living with me? But we’d not had a conversation about him living with me that’s why I said I was happy progressing slowly no pressure need to meet his parents and he can go back to his for washing etc no problem but this would change it to actually he needs to stay at mine as if he went back to his it would cause problems I do have trust issues so I don’t know if I’m being unreasonably jealous

he has said he will speak to his other friend and if there was a problem she could move back to his other friends again but I think one she’s moved there with her kids she’s not exactly just going to be easy to kick out is she nobody would do that over Christmas and what if her relationship with this new guy ends

There are way too many lines written here which demonstrate that you're giving him too much time.

He is a walking red flag and if you don't act fast you're going to waste years and tears.

SoScarletItWas · 10/11/2025 17:45

What do you mean his house is ‘part ownership’? Shared ownership? It’s not allowed to sublet a shared ownership property.

That aside, he’s not proposing to pay you enough. You’ll lose out on single occupy council tax discount and your bills will go up with his mouth to feed.

I don’t think the decision to move in together should be forced by him wanting to let his house out. It’s a decision that needs careful thinking and an easy exit if it doesn’t work - as you say, he can’t go back to his place if his friend is installed.

fishfingerbutty · 10/11/2025 17:46

More red flags than a Communist army.

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/11/2025 17:46

Op my 2.5 year relationship just ended horribly when I should have trusted my gut less than 2 months in and ended it over his weird enmeshed codependent relationship with his female ‘best friend’
never again will I get involved with this bullshit . It had my head absolutely mashed .

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:46

Well I did consent to him staying at mine we’d just never had the conversation of him properly moving in staying 7 days a week and paying etc

OP posts:
ReallyShortAttentionSpa · 10/11/2025 17:46

He can't cocklodge at yours while he plays knight in shining armour for his friend.

It all sounds too messy and I don't blame you for not wanting a bar of it.

Sofaflop · 10/11/2025 17:47

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:45

In the last couple of weeks he seems genuinely to have drifted apart from these female friends as I mentioned as one of my issues that I hadn’t met them properly the one of them who was off with me used the excuse of a bad day but it didn’t seem right to me if you’re close friend had a new partner you’d be happy to see them and friendly but now he says I probably won’t even meet them yet the minute this one asked for his house he’s jumping at it

Oh come on. He hasn't drifted anywhere, he's just seen an opportunity to make some money, so is telling you what you want to hear.

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