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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

243 replies

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 10/11/2025 18:06

This is not about his friends. It's about how he treats you and you letting him.

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/11/2025 18:07

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:03

No I do love him and I believe he loves me he’s been there for me as a friend for 8 years on and off before we got into a proper relationship and he is reliable he helps out with the house and things. But I do realise that he’s only offering me to share the money (unspecified amount) because I kicked off over it and I do worry what conversations have and are going on with these women without me knowing as he’s so defensive

So you were like one of these other ‘friends’ before you got into a relationship? Nah he’s got a hareem . He’s a cheeky fucker who keeps lots of women around for an ego boost . Tell him to fuck off

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:07

I suggested 50 a week but he said he has 2k a month credit card and spends 140 on increased diesel and only saves 30-40 on his bills

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 10/11/2025 18:07

I also find it weird that his only friends are two women that he works with. He doesn’t have any other friends??! Red flags galore.

PInkyStarfish · 10/11/2025 18:07

I don’t think you’re the number one woman in his life and he has you all on rotation.

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:09

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/11/2025 18:07

So you were like one of these other ‘friends’ before you got into a relationship? Nah he’s got a hareem . He’s a cheeky fucker who keeps lots of women around for an ego boost . Tell him to fuck off

No they were both married it was only this summer the one of them separated but then that caused the issue of me feeling worried about his relationship with her as they were such a close threesome

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/11/2025 18:09

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:41

I think the £140 has come about because he still has to pay bills and mortgage at his house and he has to pay extra petrol driving to mine so he says it’s what he can afford

Erm... what about the rent from "the lodger"

£140 wont cover food.

This is so messy.... its a no from me.

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:10

He has other friends but he has a weird dependency on these ones he can’t say no to them and was properly devastated when the married one said things would be different (after she met me) and they started doing stuff without him

OP posts:
Sofaflop · 10/11/2025 18:10

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:07

I suggested 50 a week but he said he has 2k a month credit card and spends 140 on increased diesel and only saves 30-40 on his bills

£50p is what my sons, on apprenticeships pay me to live in their family home. If he can't afford that (at least) he can't afford to live with you.

But that's not the only reason you shouldn't let him move in.

Shadesofscarlett · 10/11/2025 18:10

he won't be allowed to sublet a shared ownership house i expect

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:11

He knows it’s not technically legal and I have said this I think he doesn’t think he’ll be caught

OP posts:
divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:11

He’s just planning on doing it casually with cash

OP posts:
Goldenboxes · 10/11/2025 18:12

OP, he is taking you for a complete mug.
You must be absolutely desperate to entertain him.
You and your home are useful.
He's a user.
His friends are his priority clearly.
He intends to live off you.
Wake up please.

looselegs · 10/11/2025 18:12

Millytante · 10/11/2025 17:58

Not one word in your post about this ‘relationship’ speaks in terms of affection, theres’s no description of any positive aspects that'd make you eager to involve yourself with him. All you've got is stress and confusion!
You are being played for a fool here, and whatever the hell is going on with his little stable of dependent women back home is going to get a damn sight more onerous for you if you don’t put a stop to this immediately.
Things escalated to a worrying level of need for support from you very fast indeed, and it’s all far too messy and sketchy to be a good idea, OP.
No woman needs a man so much that any of this folderol would be worth her while! Come on; gird your loins and chuck him out, sign nothing.

If you don't act fast, you'll find you’ve been inveigled into some kind of emotionally twisted scam you'll rue for many years.
He's not being kind, generous, or thoughtful (unless it’s to his other lady pals); he's just exploiting what you can provide for him. Finish this, asap.

Agree!

Beanie567 · 10/11/2025 18:13

Oh come off it - surely you can see what’s going on here? Why not try backing off a bit and wait to see if he introduces you to his family and friends properly - you know, proudly, happy that you’re a significant part of his life and someone he wants to share his actual life with. This whole scenario as it stands right now is messy and disrespectful.

LittleArithmetics · 10/11/2025 18:13

Don't let him move in, and certainly not for a pathetic £140 a month. That's your concern. What he does with his place is his concern.

ginasevern · 10/11/2025 18:13

Look OP, I'll say this only once and the choice is yours to listen or not. This is a fucked up mess all round. Your bf is a walking red flag on so many levels. End this relationship before it turns into a shit fest, with you being the one covered in shit.

FawnDrench · 10/11/2025 18:14

Open up your eyes!
He is massively pissing you about.
Stop making silly excuses for his appallingly selfish, inconsistent behaviour and think about prioritising yourself and ffs get rid of this dreadful man.
If you don’t you will definitely regret it.

Theoldbird · 10/11/2025 18:14

You're not listening to a word anyone's saying @divisifting are you? It's like you have your fingers stuck in your ears going la la la la

Ragruggers · 10/11/2025 18:15

Does the £140 a month include food?Why does he have so much debt ? Really you can do better than this individual who is only thinking of him self.Really think about it and get rid,

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 10/11/2025 18:16

Are you sure you didn’t walk into some odd throuple arrangement and that’s why it’s all so awkward?

2GreatFatSquirrels · 10/11/2025 18:18

I think you’re being dramatic and making him hide his friendships from you because you’re jealous. I also think everyone sounds about 8 years old.

I think if you say no the relationship will sour. And his friends will never like you afterwards.

I like his idea of the rent money being split between you. However I don’t like the idea of him giving you just £140… that’s barely half of my council tax bill let alone everything else. I don’t think it was good that he didn’t discuss it all with you.

Youre being weird saying she just wants the house for cheap rent though. Thats obvious, and not a bad thing…. That’s the only reason she’d choose this route. Duh.

CraftyGin · 10/11/2025 18:18

Dacatspjs · 10/11/2025 17:39

He's going to pay you £140 a month to live with you?? Cocklodger alert.

I bet he's not paying you anything at the moment despite being there 6 nights a week.

£140 whilst renting his place out for cash, cheeky fucker has it made

My DD pays us £500 digs every month.

HundredMilesAnHour · 10/11/2025 18:20

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:11

He’s just planning on doing it casually with cash

“Casually”?? You mean on the black market then. So no deposit taken, no tenancy agreement, no declaration of rental income to HMRC, no protection for his ‘tenant’ or indeed him if she refuses to later move out.

He’s an idiot. With zero integrity.

Why would you stay in a relationship with someone like this? These are not qualities you want in a life partner.

Aluna · 10/11/2025 18:20

Guidanceplease20 · 10/11/2025 17:41

Move on. Life really doesnt need to be this difficult.

Curl up, watch the movie Rita, Sue and Bob too, and have a wry smile.

Edited

I literally thought of that film too.

This is all bullshit OP, just dump the whole lot of them. £140 a month? He’s just using you.