To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

[divisifting]

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

You need to decide if you want him to move in or not. If not, then say so and what he does after that is up to him. I wouldn't if I was you - the relationship is new and there are a lot of grey areas. Stay as you are, living alone and let him come over, Moving in together should be a conscious decision or choice. You can't tell him what to do with his house though, that's none of your business.

This.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. His relationships with his female friends may or may not be innocent, but you can't stop him renting out his place or a room to a friend.

What you can do is clearly say it's NOT OK for him to move into yours in order to enable this.

Just tell him no thanks, you like things how they are, and then leave the rest to him.

How can you say this is a relationship that’s going very well given it’s been a year, with a lot of that being long distance, you’ve never met his family and have (possibly well founded, possibly not) insecurity issues about his two closest friends?

Just end this and find someone who lives nearby and doesn’t have so many complications.

Give him his £140 back, and tell him to stay at his mum and dad's if he wants to rent his house out.

I dont think hes the one.

The female friends is a red herring. The issue is that he is taking the piss out of you financially, and he was doing that before the plan to rent to his pal came about.

Has he been contributing anything to the food shop, your energy bills, and so on for the months he has been staying with you?

Why do you never stay at his? It would be much more common in your situation to split your time between houses, with some time alone too.

I would be extremely wary of getting into a serious relationship with someone who has such enormous credit card debts that repayments are £2000 a month.

How can someone so grossly unappealing and exploitative have so many women chasing him!?

you really want to be with someone who is so blase about commiting fraud?

All of this. Get out of that mess.

Is that a typo? £140! Why should you subsidize his living costs while he does a favour to another woman you’re not comfortable about?

Nah. Just say you don’t want to live together and if he is “visiting your home” so frequently he needs to contribute to those costs.

There is nothing to argue about. The fact he is arguing tells me you’re being taken advantage of and not in a healthy relationship.

YABU in that he can rent it to who he likes but YANBU to say that he can't move in with you during that period.

Its way too soon to be living together, and her being there sounds like it could get super messy, especially if she refuses to leave.

As for the jealousy thing, I wonder if its more like she sees him as her own personal support animal and hates that she is no longer his priority. I have seen it when I was a lot younger, female "besties" fall out with the guy when he gets a LTR because they dont like another woman taking his attention. She doesnt want him romantically but doesnt want to lose having him at her beck and call.

There is a very, very simple rule that I drilled into our DDs as soon as they started dating:

If he is making you feel confused, upset or uncertain then he just doesn't really care about you and your relationship So you have to move on and find someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated. Know your own worth.

It really, really is that simple.

I pay more than that to travel to work. It's definitely not going to cover the increase in council tax, never mind food that he eats, electricity, water for extra washing and if he ever has a bath or flushes the toilet...

Actually, I pay more than that on the cat. And at least I know he's not getting any of his 'needs' met somewhere else.

Give him the £140 back and call it a day OP. This relationship is far too complicated, especially at this early stage. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.

His credit card isn't your problem

How much is this woman going to be paying him? Bet it's not that low, so he's in profit living with you.

You've been together a year, but have yet to meet his family or friends (apart from these two women)??!! Yet he's staying over 6 nights per week at yours, and is now pushing to live with you, so his female friend can rent his home. You're good enough to move in with, but not to meet his family/friends??! Don't you think that's odd?? After a year I'd have expected to have met his family/friends. I think he's expecting rather a lot from you, and doesn't appear to be giving much back. His credit card debt isn't your problem, it's his. It's not down to you to agree to him moving in, to make life easier for him. Do you actually want to live with him?? Alarm bells would be ringing if this were me. I wouldn't be agreeing to this arrangement, it could end up being a nightmare.

It sounds like you are in a relationship with a man who has two wives and a few step-kids.

He needs his house to home his wives and you are handy to shag in the week in your house. Sounds like you’ve got pissy and he wants to chuck you £140 to keep you sweet.

He sounds like a mug, and you sound like a muggier mug for letting him get away with it.

Get rid of all three of ‘em.

£140! That’s nothing. Add up you food , heating, consumables (toilet roll, washing up liquid etc) etc and divide by half. Thats how much he should be giving you. £140 is probably two weeks food bill ,(for one person) at most.

Also, he doesn’t get to decide to move in with you.

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HMRC will be interested.
His mortgage company will be interested.
He will have to register the deposit with one of the recognised tenancy deposit schemes.
He'll have to get gas and electric safety certificates.

You feel you’re being used because you are. What does he contribute now to your household expenses? Does hectare you put in dates, pay for meals, food etc?

He’s a cocklodger taking you for a mug - £35 a week- come on OP he’s taking the absolute piss out of you while you tie yourself in knots over these women.

They’re not your problem, this freeloading ponce is

It all sounds like too much drama.

I would forget about the other women for a bit ( though hold them in the back of your mind because they both sound like unhealthy relationships, does your partner see himself as a bit of a Don Juan with women falling at his feet and swooning at the sheer gorgeousness of him?) What I think is an even bigger red flag is that hugely tight grip he is holding on his money. Work it out, over a year £140 a month works out to about £32 a week. Really! That will barely cover the additional council tax you would lose as a single person. Then factor in extra utilities, food, wear and tear etc etc etc and you will be practically paying HIM for the privilege of leeching off you. Do not, whatever promises he makes, even consider buying a property with him, he would end up with a nest egg and you would end up living on your credit cards every month.

I would tell him that your landlord won’t allow you to have anyone move in with you- which may actually be the case - don’t risk your tenancy

£140 each month is fuck all. He is exploiting you. Has he paid nothing so far while being at yours 6 days a week? Do you pay for his food as well while he is with you? Do you have children that this man is taking from?

Your council tax will go up if you receive the 25% single adult discount. I wouldn't think defrauding council tax is something that you want to mess around with.

Your boyfriend just wants to look like the man that can to his friend. He gets to play the big man while you are the one actually paying.

A 2K A MONTH credit card bill? I misread that at first and thought he owed 2K on a credit card. Can he afford that after his household bills? He might want to contact Christians against Poverty or Stepchange and consider whether going bancrupt or having a debt repayment order etc is the right move for him.

I think if he wants to let his friend stay in his home then that is up to him but he should be sharing it with her and her family not making it your problem. It is very hard to find a rental at the moment and if he wants the woman living in his house out for example she stops paying rent, having some kind of undeclared tenancy (no contract, no gas or electric checks, no right to rent booklet, no landlord insurance, no tax self assessment) there will be no chance he can evict her. If she is a lodger (sharing with him) rather than a tenants your boyfriend will have much more rights to his home back.

What are you getting from this relationship OP?
£100 towards your bills (after paying more Council tax) is pathetic. If you are feeding him it will cost you more than that.

If the tenant is on UC,which lets face it most families get a top up,the address will be flagged up. If they are eligible for tge housing element, they and the landlord will have to provide a tenancy agreement as proof of rent and residence.