To find this statement from DP strange

[Totaleclipseofaheart]

For context- DP and I have been together a decade and recently became parents. His mother has become incredibly overbearing and after months of keeping quiet I finally confided in my DP and told him what toll it was having on my mental well being and that I (not him or us) need to see her less. Our relationship with DP has taken a nose dive since that convo and he has recently told me that he struggling to see a future for us as HE IS AT HIS HAPPIEST WHEN HE IS WITH HIS MUM AND DAD.
Is it unreasonable of me to find this statement from a man in his late 30s who has just had a baby really strange?

It's only strange in that their relationship should be better.

For instance, if there are several aspects to this relationship where he isn't heard, respected or cherished, then it really isnt strange that he feels happiest with his parents. That would be normal.

Yes they'd be concerned they are in the wrong marriage.

he has recently told me that he struggling to see a future for us as HE IS AT HIS HAPPIEST WHEN HE IS WITH HIS MUM AND DAD.

This sounds like blackmail to shut you up.
Has he not realised he has his own family now?
Why isn’t he horrified and ashamed to admit he’s happiest with his mum and dad?
For his own benefit, their benefit and for your relationship to flourish the ties should be cut. Her ridiculous over involvement had exposed that he had failed to grow up.
Don’t back down. YANBU.

You have just made up a backstory that we haven't even been told is the case. Well done!

Why would be horrified and ashamed to admit that the relationship isn't making him as content as it should?

If you're in a relationship and you realise that it isn't meeting your needs, you shouldn't feel ashamed about that. It's okay to realise that and do something about it. You don't have to stay in an unhappy relationship just because you started it.

We don't know if it is the case. We don't know why he is saying he is unhappy. He may have very good reason. You've assumed he has absolutely no reason not to be happy with the OP. You have filled in blanks too.

I'm simply saying that it could be the case. OP could be outright abusive. We don't know.

@JadeSquid
Have you missed the words AT HIS HAPPIEST?
He has a new baby, a partner of 10 years but is at HIS HAPPIEST with mum and dad.
FGS we teach our children to become independent of us. He hasn’t learned this, hasn’t grown up, gone through the usual “my parents are irritating” “I can only take them in small doses” which is healthy. If our AC preferred being with us than with their new families we’d be horrified and worried.

Yes but that could be because his relationship is so shit. It would be like me admitting that I am happiest at work. All it says it that my home life is miserable and I need to change that. It doesn't make it untrue that I am happiest at work. It just makes my reality quite sad.

@JadeSquid You don’t choose your parents but he chose a partner and to have a baby. His choices mean less to him than those who were formative in his childhood. N. B. Childhood. He’s an adult FGS. Presumably fully fledged.

Ask the question to op perhaps? Ask her if theres a chance she's abusive and the husband has never said anything but is more then able to say I see no future with you because u dont want to see my mum. 🙄

Sounds like he is trying to guilt you into backing down OP. He sounds fucking awful and I'm not sure what to suggest. It sounds like he doesn't want to cut the apron strings.

He is refusing to listen to how you feel about his mum, or look st how his mum's behaviour has impacted YOU, and instead minimised and invalidated your experience with his parents with this claim that they, in fact, make him incredibly happy. He said it to counter your negativity. It's the kind of thing an avoidant partner will say, because it means he then doesn't have to do anything about the difficult dynamic that exists between you and his mum. He's deflecting because he doesn't want to deal with it.

So the end result is you are silenced and your needs ignored. Is that the kind of relationship you want to model to your child?

I would suggest some couples counselling to help him see your point of view (and how ugly his comment was within the context of your relationship). Give him the chance to make it right, but prepare to be completely let you down (again). At least this way, when you end the relationship, you can say you tried everything to save it first.

Yes and things change. You can start a relationship quite happy and over time, you learn more about yourself and situations present that expose your incompatibility. This is often why people break up.

Sadly you dont have a future. He's clearly confided in his parents that he's unhappy.

Abusive people rarely recognise themselves as abusive.

And even more so, people with unreasonable ideas rarely recognise them as unreasonable.

That’s exactly how I see it @FeistyFrankie

If OP is abusing him and their relationship is shit, why hasn’t he found another partner @JadeSquid?

OP, having reread your op, I've just realised that some time elapsed between you telling him about your feelings and his recent statement and in the interim, things haven't been good between you. I think that might change people's views a little, rather than the kneejerks you're getting from a lot of people. Is he involving himself with the baby? Is he building a relationship with it or does his relationship with his parents override all other relationships? What was your response to what he said?

Why does he prefer life with mum and dad @JadeSquid?

I see. That is why there is also a forum called Dadsnet, where men post regularly about them wanting to marry/have commitment/have children/settle down and their female partners declining and going on all girls' holidays instead. Yes! Let us fight biology with sociology!

YANBU. I think it’s definitely odd for a man his age - who was otherwise happy in his relationship - to be happiest with his own parents rather than his partner and child.

If your MIL is very overbearing, it sounds like the apron strings have never been cut.

I think some people need to realise that you need to actually put some effort into sustaining your partner's contentment in the relationship. You can't just expect that they'll be happy enough that they get to call you their partner so things like having compatible needs and desires lose importance.

It is like some people believe others should just feel blessed they have a partner at all, so should just forget about what they might want from life and appease their partner out of fear of losing them.

Yes, even women have to work at their relationships to ensure they remain a solid and fulfilling life partner. Not just a co-parent and housemate.

I have no idea what you mean. What I know is that in REAL LIFE, I know plenty of women who never want to marry.

Why do you think he was "otherwise happy"?

Probably because life with the OP isn't fulfilling and/or pleasant enough for him. Maybe he's seen a totally different side to her post birth and he doesn't want that future. Those are the reasons I'd be happier away from my marital home with other people than in it alone with my spouse.

Because people often take time to acknowledge the relationship is wrong for them, heal from that, and move on.