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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend dumps junk on me

179 replies

MyameVyce · 01/11/2025 20:21

My friend keeps dumping her unwanted stuff on me. Stuff is in bad condition and it would be unfair to send it to charity shop and no one would take it for free even. That leaves the option of taking it to the tip which is really hard for me to do because I’m on my own with a 1 year old. getting to the tip that’s 10miles away at the weekend, and getting the stuff into the right bins without DC having a meltdown because I’ve left her in the car is not fun .

Recent examples of these gifts are a broken bread maker that I don’t have a clue how to fix, a mouldy bouncy chair (black mould), newborn clothes when my DC is 1, and a set of rusty pans. This time it’s a grotty old mini fridge and the door doesn’t shut well.

She brings this rubbish every time I invite her round. I tell her: no. Please take it away, I don’t need it/want it. And she says oh that’s fine, take it to charity or pass it on if it’s not for you. I’ve told her that it’s not easy for me to get stuff loaded up in car to take to charity/the dump and then she just ends up leaving it behind anyway. I think she does it so she can feel eco because it’s not her sending stuff to landfill.

I live in a small space with no storage. I’m super peeved that I’m having to spend the weekend sorting out disposing of a fridge instead of doing something I want to do with my kid!

AIBU to load up the car and take the fridge and the rest back to her tomorrow AM?

OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 02/11/2025 14:14

hopefully she will get the message now that you have taken it back to her. Next time, don't let it into the house. If she has carried it from her car then tough shit, it stays outside your house and she can take it back when she leaves.

you are going to have to be extremely blunt with her and tell her that she is not helping you, she is causing you problems and she needs to stop doing it.

BigDeepBreaths · 02/11/2025 14:26

Well done OP, and be reassured you have done the right thing.

There is no response from her that is acceptable other than “Ok, sorry you had to go to the bother of dropping them back”. You are not a charity and it is plain rude to not check in advance if friends want your old stuff - let alone crap that isnt in good working order.

jeaux90 · 02/11/2025 14:26

Well done OP.

Climbinghigher · 02/11/2025 14:30

MyameVyce · 02/11/2025 12:06

I’ve done it. Dc was up early, so I packed up car and drove round there just after 7am.I left fridge, pans and a miscellaneous bag next to her door. I messaged to say I was coming over that way but it was way too early to knock at 7am. No reply!

Well done you!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/11/2025 14:33

Fantastic news! Well done!

I expect there to be some form of backlash from this. I’d advise you to not engage in any discussion. Just keep repeating something along the lines of “I told you I didn’t want it”, and maybe something about it being difficult for you to get rid of stuff. She may try lots of different angles to convince you you are being unreasonable, but if you just keep repeating the same responses over and over she’ll realise there’s not a way through your armour if that makes sense.

Alternatively just block her. Do you have any mutual friends?

CruCru · 02/11/2025 14:43

Oh well done! How on earth did you manage to lift a fridge into and out of your car? Even really small ones are extremely heavy.

I’m reminded a bit of a poster (years ago) whose family endlessly dumped a load of crap at her house. It got to the point where the men at the tip didn’t believe she wasn’t a commercial disposer of rubbish.

MonteStory · 02/11/2025 14:47

Yaaas well done OP.

My guess is she will completely ignore it and, even when she sees you face to face, pretend it never happened.

If she does mention it then I think the fridge is the key point here. You usually have to pay to dispose or at the very least book a collection. It is not reasonable for her to place this on you. Simply explain that once you realised you’d have to pay for the fridge you decided it was just time to return it.

FlyingApple · 02/11/2025 14:47

Don't invite her over anymore, she clearly doesn't respect you.

sonjadog · 02/11/2025 14:54

Well done! I hope she gets the message now!

GAJLY · 02/11/2025 14:57

MyameVyce · 02/11/2025 12:06

I’ve done it. Dc was up early, so I packed up car and drove round there just after 7am.I left fridge, pans and a miscellaneous bag next to her door. I messaged to say I was coming over that way but it was way too early to knock at 7am. No reply!

Well done op 👏 👍 I had a similar issue with my brother giving me disgusting things I couldn't even gift to charity. My husband had enough of it and drove all the stuff back to his and told him to stop leaving rubbish at our house. He has to tip it if he wants to get rid of stuff, it is not our job. He never did it again!

DoodlesMam · 02/11/2025 14:58

MyameVyce · 01/11/2025 20:21

My friend keeps dumping her unwanted stuff on me. Stuff is in bad condition and it would be unfair to send it to charity shop and no one would take it for free even. That leaves the option of taking it to the tip which is really hard for me to do because I’m on my own with a 1 year old. getting to the tip that’s 10miles away at the weekend, and getting the stuff into the right bins without DC having a meltdown because I’ve left her in the car is not fun .

Recent examples of these gifts are a broken bread maker that I don’t have a clue how to fix, a mouldy bouncy chair (black mould), newborn clothes when my DC is 1, and a set of rusty pans. This time it’s a grotty old mini fridge and the door doesn’t shut well.

She brings this rubbish every time I invite her round. I tell her: no. Please take it away, I don’t need it/want it. And she says oh that’s fine, take it to charity or pass it on if it’s not for you. I’ve told her that it’s not easy for me to get stuff loaded up in car to take to charity/the dump and then she just ends up leaving it behind anyway. I think she does it so she can feel eco because it’s not her sending stuff to landfill.

I live in a small space with no storage. I’m super peeved that I’m having to spend the weekend sorting out disposing of a fridge instead of doing something I want to do with my kid!

AIBU to load up the car and take the fridge and the rest back to her tomorrow AM?

take it back to her, or get her to take it away again! You are not a landfill site.... or de friend her. Dumping stuff on you is not really the act of a friend.

Strangerthanfictions · 02/11/2025 15:00

MyameVyce · 01/11/2025 20:21

My friend keeps dumping her unwanted stuff on me. Stuff is in bad condition and it would be unfair to send it to charity shop and no one would take it for free even. That leaves the option of taking it to the tip which is really hard for me to do because I’m on my own with a 1 year old. getting to the tip that’s 10miles away at the weekend, and getting the stuff into the right bins without DC having a meltdown because I’ve left her in the car is not fun .

Recent examples of these gifts are a broken bread maker that I don’t have a clue how to fix, a mouldy bouncy chair (black mould), newborn clothes when my DC is 1, and a set of rusty pans. This time it’s a grotty old mini fridge and the door doesn’t shut well.

She brings this rubbish every time I invite her round. I tell her: no. Please take it away, I don’t need it/want it. And she says oh that’s fine, take it to charity or pass it on if it’s not for you. I’ve told her that it’s not easy for me to get stuff loaded up in car to take to charity/the dump and then she just ends up leaving it behind anyway. I think she does it so she can feel eco because it’s not her sending stuff to landfill.

I live in a small space with no storage. I’m super peeved that I’m having to spend the weekend sorting out disposing of a fridge instead of doing something I want to do with my kid!

AIBU to load up the car and take the fridge and the rest back to her tomorrow AM?

I am so here for this, bundle it all up and include some of your own unwanted junk and drop it off all bright and breezy then report back to us immediately. This is God's work. We are with you

Breadcat24 · 02/11/2025 15:01

Well done just read your update
Taking it and dumping it on her doorstep should be a clear enough message!

SuspiciousTimes · 02/11/2025 15:01

Well done @MyameVyce I love that you have done this! Hopefully she won’t bring any more crap round.
We have similar problem with my in-laws(though admittedly never as bad as a fridge!). They always trot out the same line—‘We thought you could make use of it, if not, just take it to the charity shop.’ As if we don’t have enough useless crap in our house already!
You’ve inspired me, OP. Next time they bring something I will send them
away with it as they leave. ‘I’m sorry I just don’t have a use for this and no room to store it until I have time to go to the charity shop. Please take it home with you!’

HaileyBailey · 02/11/2025 15:07

Well done!

Robertsmithsnan · 02/11/2025 15:13

Createausername1970 · 02/11/2025 12:15

Well done!

I admit to being invested in hearing her reaction 🫣

Edited

Me too!

RampantIvy · 02/11/2025 15:13

Strangerthanfictions · 02/11/2025 15:00

I am so here for this, bundle it all up and include some of your own unwanted junk and drop it off all bright and breezy then report back to us immediately. This is God's work. We are with you

Show quote history

She has.

BMW6 · 02/11/2025 15:19

Well done OP 👏

TicTac80 · 02/11/2025 15:20

Huge well done OP!! I think it's one thing if it was stuff you wanted and agreed to have, but you'd already clearly declined to have the things. She really did stomp over your boundaries by doing what she did. Nothing wrong with her asking you for first refusal before taking to a charity shop/whatever - I will do that with my friends (and vice versa) - but you had politely declined!

She will probs get shitty with you. Just don't engage...or, if you do, just say that you'd already declined this stuff and do not have the space or time/logistics to get it to charity shop/tip/wherever!

Marieb19 · 02/11/2025 16:03

Good for you. I hope she gets the message that you don't want her junk.

TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · 02/11/2025 16:06

Ooh I am so pleased OP! I now need to know if she ever tries to dump stuff on you again though!

Invigoron · 02/11/2025 16:10

MyameVyce · 02/11/2025 12:06

I’ve done it. Dc was up early, so I packed up car and drove round there just after 7am.I left fridge, pans and a miscellaneous bag next to her door. I messaged to say I was coming over that way but it was way too early to knock at 7am. No reply!

Brilliant!!🤩

ilucgaiaw · 02/11/2025 17:57

Well done OP. Do let us know what she says.

And going forward, don't stand for this at all. If she see her coming up your path with junk just tell her you don't have any use for any of it and you'll help her take it back to her car.
If she keeps showing up with stuff even after all of this stop inviting her around and meet at a cafe or somewhere, or at her place.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 02/11/2025 18:16

I voted YABU because the minute it happened more than once, I would be telling a friend that it was not ok that she did this, and she needed to not bring anything else over unless you had discussed it first and you had specifically said it was ok.

Original poster
MyameVyce · 02/11/2025 18:18

SHE REPLIED!!!

And she posted about 30 mins ago on a friends’ group saying she’s involved in organising a community JUMBLE SALE ahead of Christmas, does anyone want to volunteer or donate!!! 🤭 🤣 💀 I’m starting to think she’s been having a laugh all this time, like surely this can’t be real!!! If it is I can’t even imagine what trash she’ll be wheeling out for the good of the community.

She also replied personally to my message and said no problem, her partner was going to do a charity shop run anyway. The jumble sale had made me laugh but that reply has really annoyed me. She knows it’s so much harder for me to “just”
pop to the dump or the charity shop. Also … poor charity shop. Hopefully they’ll see what’s she’s bringing and refuse it at the door.

OP posts: