Friend dumps junk on me

[MyameVyce]

My friend keeps dumping her unwanted stuff on me. Stuff is in bad condition and it would be unfair to send it to charity shop and no one would take it for free even. That leaves the option of taking it to the tip which is really hard for me to do because I’m on my own with a 1 year old. getting to the tip that’s 10miles away at the weekend, and getting the stuff into the right bins without DC having a meltdown because I’ve left her in the car is not fun .

Recent examples of these gifts are a broken bread maker that I don’t have a clue how to fix, a mouldy bouncy chair (black mould), newborn clothes when my DC is 1, and a set of rusty pans. This time it’s a grotty old mini fridge and the door doesn’t shut well.

She brings this rubbish every time I invite her round. I tell her: no. Please take it away, I don’t need it/want it. And she says oh that’s fine, take it to charity or pass it on if it’s not for you. I’ve told her that it’s not easy for me to get stuff loaded up in car to take to charity/the dump and then she just ends up leaving it behind anyway. I think she does it so she can feel eco because it’s not her sending stuff to landfill.

I live in a small space with no storage. I’m super peeved that I’m having to spend the weekend sorting out disposing of a fridge instead of doing something I want to do with my kid!

AIBU to load up the car and take the fridge and the rest back to her tomorrow AM?

Dumping it on you saves her a trip to the dump as presumably you live closer.

I would and the friendship over this after I’ve returned it all and piled it high on her doorstep.

Please return the fridge to her. It's the only way she's going to get the message I think!

I'd go and leave it on her doorstep with a text to explain why.

I wouldn’t bother going to the tip, just shove it in your regular bin. Smash it up if it won’t fit.

You’re not unreasonable to return all this crap but you are reasonable to accept it in the first place! Why do you accept it?

OMG take it back to her and throw in a few old odd socks and bad of rubbish. The cheek,
with a mate like that you don’t need enemies

YANBU. Load you car and take it ALL back to her house. You might lose a friend, but it could be worth it not to have to deal with her unwanted dregs. I'm not usually so harsh, but her behaviour is terrible, especially when you have repeatedly told her you do not want this stuff.

Good luck!

Could you take it back when you know she's out and just leave it on her doorstep? Then you could send her a text saying I called to see you but you weren't in...

Ffs grow a backbone.

If I was you I wouldn’t ever invite her again. She knows what she is doing and she’s offloading her junk onto you because she can’t be bothered going to the tip herself. She’s not a decent friend if she’s creating more work for you. If you do invite her again then when you answer the door if she has anything with her tell her to take it back to her car as you don’t want it. Don’t even let her bring it inside. I would have lost it if someone tried to bring a mould covered item into my house.

I wouldn’t actually consider someone who did this to me a friend

Or a womble! 😁

Im going to be harsh here. Stop being a bloody doormat!! You need to start getting tough and stop letting her walk all over you. You’re obviously not being firm enough and probably being way too polite. Tell her to come and take her shit away!!

Sorry OP, but you must be desperate for friends if this is how you let them treat you. She's using you, pure and simple. Plus, I think she must be having a laugh at your expense. I can imagine her thinking 'oh I've got some crap I want to get rid of, I know what, I'll take it to xxxx, job done'.
OP, you are far too nice and kind hearted. I'm so sorry someone has found a way to exploit that. You deserve far better.

How much would a taxi cost to hers ? Or a man & a van? Ask her to please lend you that amount , say you need the money & have issue with your bank but you will “pay her back” soon. Ask driver to put it all outside her front door. Plus a pile of old shit you don’t want. Text her “consider that “pay back” and don’t come near your house again or you’ll report her

You’re clearly a very nice person who doesn’t want to offend anyone, which I understand, I used to struggle with this myself. Dumping all her stuff back at her house is confrontational, and may cause a scene. If you’re up for that then that’s great. The thing is, she’s counting on you being too passive to do it. She’s walking all over you. Ultimately you need to stick up for yourself with the expectation that it will end the friendship. But it’s not much of a friendship anyway is it?

If you can’t face doing it then an easier option is just deal with the stuff she’s already dumped on you yourself (which may mean paying to dispose of the fridge), and break contact with her to stop it happening again. Not quite as satisfying, but would achieve the necessary result moving forward.

Or plan C, try to shame her into collecting it by contacting her partner or another family member and explaining the situation and asking them to intervene on your behalf. The depends on you knowing them and being reasonably confident that they’re not just as bad as her.

Don’t let anyone on here make you feel bad about yourself for getting into this situation. She didn’t just arrive as a stranger on your doorstep with a load of random stuff. These situations sneak up on you. You think you’ve found a friend but over time the balance tips against you and you don’t know how you’ve ended up with this woman’s broken fridge in your house. The thing to do now is to make the decision to end the friendship, and do it in whatever way works best for you, without any regard for all the people clamouring for details of a massive showdown on her front lawn where you throw broken white goods at each other while screaming obscenities. Your life is not a soap opera, and the people telling you to grow a backbone are doing it anonymously hiding behind a keyboard without any real life consequences for anything they say.

Be brutally blunt. "You're pissing me right off, using my house as a skip. I do not want your broken rubbish, and it comes across, like you're doing it to make yourself feel green, or because you don't want to pay to have it disposed of. I'm dropping it back off at your house, and if you do it again, it will be the end of our friendship".

Either she'll be a bit embarrassed but heed what you're saying, or else she'll stop seeing you, but wasn't really your friend to begin with. Either way, you won't have to spend your days disposing of other people's waste!

Then when she gets to yours with stuff in arms … you say “Janet no we talked about this , please turn around and put it back in your car” and don’t let her in until the stuff is in her car. If she says ok I’ll take it at the end 100% she will “accidentally” forget it.

I voted YABU because you keep on letting her do this.

Drive it to her house and dump it back on her doorstep!!!!

She dose not sound like a real friend, getting rid of things is time, money and effort and she is handing that responsibility to you . Giving your child a mouldy chair is unexceptable.

Stop inviting her round. She’s using you as a free tip. Cheeky cow!

I’m going to echo everyone and say to stop inviting her round. She sounds like an absolute prick.
She knows it’s rubbish and knows you don’t want it but would rather fill up your bins than her own.
Put everything in your car and leave it on her doorstep.

AIBU to load up the car and take the fridge and the rest back to her tomorrow AM?

Oh come on, as if you're really going to do that when you can't even insist she doesn't leave her shit at yours in the first place.

If this is actually true, you'll just have to ban her from your house and tell her why.

This is a problem entirely of your own making. Nobody can leave stuff at your house if you don't let them. Get some backbone.