Friend dumps junk on me

[MyameVyce]

My friend keeps dumping her unwanted stuff on me. Stuff is in bad condition and it would be unfair to send it to charity shop and no one would take it for free even. That leaves the option of taking it to the tip which is really hard for me to do because I’m on my own with a 1 year old. getting to the tip that’s 10miles away at the weekend, and getting the stuff into the right bins without DC having a meltdown because I’ve left her in the car is not fun .

Recent examples of these gifts are a broken bread maker that I don’t have a clue how to fix, a mouldy bouncy chair (black mould), newborn clothes when my DC is 1, and a set of rusty pans. This time it’s a grotty old mini fridge and the door doesn’t shut well.

She brings this rubbish every time I invite her round. I tell her: no. Please take it away, I don’t need it/want it. And she says oh that’s fine, take it to charity or pass it on if it’s not for you. I’ve told her that it’s not easy for me to get stuff loaded up in car to take to charity/the dump and then she just ends up leaving it behind anyway. I think she does it so she can feel eco because it’s not her sending stuff to landfill.

I live in a small space with no storage. I’m super peeved that I’m having to spend the weekend sorting out disposing of a fridge instead of doing something I want to do with my kid!

AIBU to load up the car and take the fridge and the rest back to her tomorrow AM?

Take it all back. You are being used - this isn't kindness, it's a convenient free way to get rid of her shit.

Tell her 'though I understand you like to give things to others, they are of no use to me. This means I then have the hassle and expense of disposing of them. So that's a firm no to any more donations. Charity shops might welcome them.'

If you need to go on associating with her for some reason, meet her in town for coffee. She can't dump stuff on you in a Costa's - and if she tries it, don't pick it up.

YANBU to leave it back at her place, and I say that because it sounds like you're very sure that you told her not to leave it in the first place and she still did. Also, tell her she cannot come to your house anymore as you can't trust her not to bring and leave items you don't want. Decide if it's worth keeping the friendship and if it is, go to hers or meet her elsewhere.

This is shocking. She sounds like an absolute piss taker. She is doing it on purpose.

MyameVyce

If the local tip doesn't accept fridges, you have the perfect excuse to take it back to your friend. Why should you waste time and energy working out the logistics of how to dispose of something properly, when she could do it herself? Foisting broken crap on you like this as if it's a gift is right up in CF territory.

Do this. If your council has an online flytip reporting thing, I'd use it. As she basically refused to pick up for three weeks and has done this against your will.

Horrible woman, don't let her back in, I hope you never see her again.

Don’t let her over your threshold with stuff. When she knocks send her back to her car with her junk before she comes in.

Drop it back at hers, and in future don’t meet up at your home.

This. I agree she is not a friend.

Yes, take it all back and stop inviting her round 😅. If you do end up having her round again make it clear she’s not to bring anything with her. If she does then that would definitely be the last time. Please update when you have delivered the items

Put it in a bag, leave it on her doorstep. Send a text saying “Thanks for the things. Sorry but I really couldn’t use them so I dropped it back to you on my way out today.”

I'd get a quote and tell her this is how much I've been quoted to take your things to the tip. Either clear them yourself, or I'll be giving your name and address for invoicing.

I don't think that's legally standing but hopefully will wake her up a bit.

My Mum does this... It goes from - I was clearing the fridge out (having to bin her mouldy fruit and veg) to clearing the cupboards out (at which daughter and I would play - who could find the most out of date tins!) to clearing her out date meds out (fuck off Mum!)
She's still got all her marbles, she had me at 19 and I've only just turned 50.
Another classic - my Aunt had bought a btl flat... Mum took all the carpet scraps off her in case I wanted them and dumped them all on me!

My Mum lives in a 500k house and retired early because she can afford to. She looks back on when she was brassic in the mid to late 70s and assumes I want any old shite!

I'm free cycling furniture that was free cycled to me that is better quality than the stuff she dumps on me.

Plus she drives a new Kia Sportage.

I can't drive because I'm disabled, so I'm just left with it 😭

@MyameVyce Tell your friend you've fucking had enough now and she's being a cheeky bitch. Don't take - I was only trying to help as an excuse. Go nuclear.

Take it back to her house and just leave it on the doorstep. If she asks say you couldn't use it and you couldn't get to the tip.

I had a women who used to do this to me. She started leaving it on my doorstep because I wouldn't let her leave it with me. It was particularly annoying as I didn't drive at the time and it was bin bags worth of shit. I do think I just stopped hanging out with her in the end as it annoyed me so much.

Take it ALL back to her!!

No it’s not, stop victim blaming. This is a problem entirely of the CF’s making. She’s the one doing the actions that are creating the problem. OP has struggled to stick up for herself, that does not make her responsible for this woman’s behaviour.

You're letting her come through your front door WITH A FRIDGE???

Definitely meet up at a park next time. ‘I really can’t manage disposing of all the stuff you bring when it’s at my house so let’s meet at a park.’

Or the Clangers!

How is she even getting through the door with this stuff? I would say "you can leave that in the car, you're not bringing it in here". It's odd that you just watch her bring her rubbish (a broken fridge!!) into your house!

I’d really not soften the blow in any way. I think you need to take it all back tomorrow and leave it all on the doorstep without ringing the bell. Leave it to her to contact you.

Do you really need this friendship? It’s very unbalanced - she does not respect you

Just stop seeing her.

OP is not to blame for the other woman’s behaviour but she is responsible for keeping a ‘friendly’ relationship with someone who repeatedly upsets and inconveniences her. It’s not a question of person being wrong and the other right.

'No, I don't want or need this junk. Stop bringing it to me.'

It’s not don’t let her leave without it anymore, do not let her in with it

I’ve heard this referred to as hoarding by proxy, can’t quite bring themselves to get rid of something fully so pass it on and then if the person it’s passed onto does get rid properly it reduces the guilt.
Definitely take the fridge back to her explaining that you don’t want it, never wanted it and weren’t asked if you wanted it therefore you are dropping it back to her so she can dispose of it properly. Then say that you won’t be accepting any more hand downs from her and never let any more items cross your threshold.