WIBU to assume this about invitation?

[MannersAreAll]

Possibly outing, but I'm so angry I don't really care.

Invitations arrived weeks ago for DH's relatives big birthday and it's been discussed for months.

Two arrived for adult age children plus their partners. Then one addressed to "Manners' DH, Manners & the kids"

Living in our house atm with us is our two younger children plus 3 year old relative. Basically an orphan who we have legal responsibility for and who will be with us forever. Has been with us for 18 months. Was part of big family Christmas last year, went to a family wedding on DH's side in the summer - basically has been treated as one of our children as we're their forever home.

Except it turns out is not invited to the birthday party as it's "family only". Only emerged when DH happened to mention us booking two Premier Inn rooms as we can squeeze DN in a travel cot anymore.

How shitty is that? This isn't a small party either. It's about 250 people.

I know people throw words around, but I'm genuinely fuming.

Missed the AIBU bit

Apparently we were U to assume they were invited.

I mean ffs. Surely in this situation anyone would assume that?

Of course you're not being unreasonable, poor soul! Even if they didn't want to invite them (which I think is horrendous) then they should've made that clear rather than a cowardly vague "the kids"

YANBU

Of course YANBU

Who could possibly exclude a 3 yo like that???

If it’s because of their very young age, ok, but they should have made it clear (“I’m afraid we’re only inviting kids aged 10 and up because x reason”)

Then you could have made an informed choice.

I wouldn’t go now. I couldn’t.

YANBU, people can be utter arseholes at times.

That's incredibly hurtful. I don't think I could ever forgive that. And also of course nobody from your household should attend the party. And be very clear as to why.

Oh that’s very shitty of them. They sound utterly horrible.

Is it suitable for a three year old? Would they get much out of it? Do you have childcare ?

it depends how much the ‘family only’ stings. It’s obviously not a money issue they are deliberately excluded your relative. You could take a stand and none of you go.

That's awful. Are you just going to decline?

Excluding a three year old orphan. If you put it in a film, people would say it’s unrealistic. What awful people.

Absolutely awful. I wouldn’t be going and I’d make sure they knew why.

Have you raised it with them @MannersAreAll?

Where are they expecting you put a 3 year old child while the rest of the family is away at the party - put the child into kennels?

That’s horrible of them not to invite them! YANBU
I assume it’s not because it’s older children only or something? But if it was they should have clearly said that on the invite

That would be the end of my relationship with them. I couldn't have involvement with family who exclude one child.

Wow. Even if they didn't think about inviting the 3yo or similar how much difference can one 3yo make to a family party for 250 people.

They've excluded an orphaned 3 year old? Fuck them and their party.

I would talk to whoever is organising it, to make sure what your Husband believes, is correct. Then you would know what to do.

Not invited bc of age would be fine.

Not invited bc 'not family' would definitely become true... We dont want to be 'family' with YOU. How very nasty they are. Who even thinks like this?

Of course "the kids" would include all the DC in your household.

That's shocking. Good to have the measure of them moving forward so you can plan future gatherings accordingly - "I'm sorry, it's friends only I'm afraid. I'm sure you understand" etc

The 3 year old is family now. Did you tell them that? I'm also in the camp of I wouldn't go and would make it very clear why. If DH feels he needs to go, he can go alone.

If it’s age, it’s fine, if it really is they don’t perceive this child as family then none of you should go.

Are you sure that is actually what was said to dh and there isn't a communication mix up i would message them and straight out say is 3 year old invited or not if they say no i wouldn't be going

I am disgusted for you! That’s terrible.

The child is now your child as far as I’m concerned.

I would be declining the invite altogether, otherwise going forward this may become a thing and the child be left out of other occasions. They will also notice the difference if they are left out as they get older.

You are a family unit now it’s either all of you or none of you. End off.