How would you feel about this if I was your DIL?

[MickeyThunder]

It’s my husband’s 40th next year, and we’ve been talking about booking a holiday to celebrate. The idea came up in front of my parents, and they said they’d love to come along. My husband was fine with that, so I went ahead today and booked flights for a 4-night break. It’ll be me, my husband, our two kids and my parents.

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

There’s no plan to invite them, Id rather not go if they did to be honest! (and my husband isn’t bothered at all about them being there), but I’m just not sure if we’ll get any backlash or if they will be really hurt.

For context, we get on much better with my parents. They’re very easy-going, and my husband would definitely agree. My FIL, on the other hand, can be quite difficult, and I’m not particularly close to him or my MIL.

😂 I'm going to find a reason to use irked too....oh wait!

I hate people who post on threads which they haven't read, but in this case I read the OP - didn't believe what I'd read, read the next few comments, went back & reread the OP & slapped my face 😫

What possesses you to even ask? Of course they will be highly upset! Who wouldn't be?

If you want my honest opinion I think you have been really selfish not considering or asking your husbands parents. How would you feel in their position when they find out that your parents are going and they haven't even been included. Unbelievable!

Such shitty behaviour. Expect similar treatment when you are a MIL if this is what you are teaching your children now. Shame on you

Such shitty behaviour. Expect similar treatment when you are a MIL if this is what you are teaching your children now. Shame on you

I'm surprised your parents haven't said it might be nice to invite your in laws too. I'd say that in their shoes.

Come on! You don’t need to come on a forum or pretend it didn’t cross your mind yo mention it to them.

As a to-be MIL, with a son, yes I would be sad. But, if my own son does not have the love to invite his own parents, then there's not much that you can do. Who's paying for the trip, and is he the only son ?

I could have written this post myself. My husband prefers my family to his. We've just come back from a half term hol with my parents and we would never dream of doing the same with the in laws and they would never suggest it. His parents just go off and do their own thing when we go round to visit with the kids (gardening/cleaning/going out shopping!) They act older than their years and are miserable and set in their ways. They complain about my kids doing anything more than breathe in their house in case they make a mess! When our kids were little and we were in the thick of it they never offered to help and if we asked them to babysit while the kids were asleep in the evenings they'd find an excuse not to. My parents are proactive and helpful and my SIL loves my parents too so it's not just a daughter/parent thing. I am determined not to be like my in laws when my kids grow up!

I would be quietly upset, that's nasty behaviour

But I am looking forward to you coming on here in X amount of years and saying that one of your kids are excluding you from their celebration.

You cant easily include everybody all the time, just say your parents arranged it for him and ask hubby to ask his parents if they want to arrange something else with them for another time with them. Doesn't need to be a flight, Could just be a hotel or cottage somewhere for a weekend. They might even offer to pay for it !

Really appalling behaviour by both you and your parents. Their son was probably raised with love and care, agonising over his every pain and challenge. Then he met you, clearly a hard hearted little b, inherited from your parents and was manipulated into excluding them from his life. My heart goes out to them.

I'm the mom of two boys and our family has been left out of family holidays. Can you imagine what that feels like? Then imagine your own son/DIL doing that to you because they feel you're a lot to handle. You are literally teaching your children how to treat ypu and their future in-laws.

i think it all depends on the family dynamic. My parents are so involved in my family and his parents are never anywhere to be seen so naturally I’d do the same as you.
tbh I think it’s his decision anyway and if he didn’t think of it it’s absolutely not down to you it’s down to him

It all depends on the relationship he has with his parents. It’s his birthday so his choice. If he wanted his parents there or to do similar then I’m sure he would say.
from what you’ve said neither you, he or your children have a relationship with them so why would they expect to be included? Sometimes you reap what you sow and if they have been absent in his life as an adult then they cannot be expected to have an invite.
it’s different if you’re deliberately maliciously excluding them but that’s not the picture you’re painting.
if he’s happy then don’t give it another thought.

Definitely hurt.

I suspect you are my DiL

Have you asked - your son or yourself - why you have been left out? I mean are you just blaming the daughters in law here or have you considered the status of your relationship with your sons? Did you think you had that level or closeness that you would be included or were you aware of distance and is there anything you could do to work on that?

Just because people are family members doesn’t mean they’re close or that they like each other. So no, if they’re people you don’t like and aren’t close to, why would you care if they’re upset? That isn’t logical. To be honest, even if they are close, I don’t see why this situation is a problem. Most reasonable, rational people aren’t as entitled, petty and dramatic as MN and would wish them a nice time on holiday and give it no more thought. So all this “wait til your children do this you OP” is silly, because she probably wouldn’t mind.

I’d lie through my teeth and say your parents paid for it as a gift for his birthday…. They aren’t coming on a trip with you… you are going with them.

much harder to be upset that some one else paid for their son to go away…

Yes the DIL parents should be aware of the situation and try to encourage inclusiveness. After all , they are older and wiser.

Well its not obvious. They are not invited to their sons weekend away. Pretty mean.

Wow, I’d be so hurt. What a shit thing to do.

Totally agree 👍 As a mother of 5 sons, I would be devastated by such poor narcissistic behaviour by my DIL

Youre life is short. We all forget how short it is. Us women spend a lifetime trying to make others happy. Another factor is, how much do they contribute to your life. If they aren't supporting you through life (childcare, finances etc) then you don't owe them your time just because they are family.