Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel about this if I was your DIL?

628 replies

MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:22

It’s my husband’s 40th next year, and we’ve been talking about booking a holiday to celebrate. The idea came up in front of my parents, and they said they’d love to come along. My husband was fine with that, so I went ahead today and booked flights for a 4-night break. It’ll be me, my husband, our two kids and my parents.

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

There’s no plan to invite them, Id rather not go if they did to be honest! (and my husband isn’t bothered at all about them being there), but I’m just not sure if we’ll get any backlash or if they will be really hurt.

For context, we get on much better with my parents. They’re very easy-going, and my husband would definitely agree. My FIL, on the other hand, can be quite difficult, and I’m not particularly close to him or my MIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:32

Didntask · 27/10/2025 18:31

Depends - have they sounded out to you any ideas they may have for his birthday yet?

None. They are lazy, they wont arrange anything but will probably give some money in a card.

OP posts:
PracticalPixie · 27/10/2025 18:32

Reverse?

Robertsmithsnan · 27/10/2025 18:32

OP You have 2 children with your DH.
You are teaching your children that this behaviour is okay, dont be surprised if something similar happens to you in the future.

Seawolves · 27/10/2025 18:33

I'd be hurt too.

UpHillVerySlowly · 27/10/2025 18:33

I would be fuming. You say you're not close to them now...... you're sowing the seeds for many unpleasant years to come. Your DH should realise that.
I couldn't stand my late MIL btw but I do wish, now I am older myself, that I had been kinder to her.

youalright · 27/10/2025 18:34

If it was just you and husband it wouldn't be a problem but the fact you've invited your parents and not his is horrible

Bigearringsbigsmile · 27/10/2025 18:34

I'd be really hurt

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/10/2025 18:34

If your going to accept your parents inviting themselves you should offer the same opportunity to his parents.

Bluevelvetsofa · 27/10/2025 18:34

I think the really telling thing is that it didn’t occur to you immediately that you were leaving them out of their son’s birthday.

I’d be very hurt and disappointed if you were my daughter in law. It’s very apparent that you regard your in laws as far less important than your own parents.

I think you might have caused a rift that will have repercussions. You’ve made it clear you don’t like them.

EchoedSilence · 27/10/2025 18:35

I'd be pissed off. He's their son.

TheWonderhorse · 27/10/2025 18:35

OP if you had said "we want to go away with my parents" and not his, then I can respect that honesty. I don't think pretending neither of you thought of their feelings at all is going to wash, though, so you're going to have to be honest.

thepariscrimefiles · 27/10/2025 18:35

If you had organised this as a surprise for your DH and hadn't invited his parents, I would say that you are unreasonable.

As your DH has full knowledge that his parents haven't been invited and it perfectly fine with this, you are not being unreasonable. I presume that he agrees that they are difficult and their presence wouldn't add anything positive to the holiday.

You are inviting then to the party that you are also organising.

What will happen if/when they find out that they weren't invited? Will they kick off? The fact that your parents are invited will probably rub salt into their wounds tbh.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 27/10/2025 18:36

HesarealJacquelineHigh · 27/10/2025 18:27

I couldn’t imagine inviting my own parents but not DH’s for his birthday. I know mil would be gutted to be left out

Agreed.

Imagine it were your kids in the future

Nosleepforthismum · 27/10/2025 18:36

OP, my in-laws are the definition of “hard work” and DH finds them difficult too. However, there is no way I’d have done this. Uninvite your parents or invite his. I don’t believe the faux naivety of not realising this might be an issue for his mum and dad 🙄

Barrenfieldoffucks · 27/10/2025 18:37

Is it over his birthday? Could you pretend it is nothing to do with his birthday and do something for it properly?

Bigearringsbigsmile · 27/10/2025 18:37

All the awful mother in law threads on here.....
I'd love to hear the other side of the story- all the awful daughters in law who do hurtful things like this

IkeaMeatballGravy · 27/10/2025 18:37

It's a bit weird to invite your parents to his birthday but not his own.

I'm guessing that as a family you are closer to your parents because you have engineered it to be that way.

CopperWhite · 27/10/2025 18:37

Your poor in laws!

This is a really horrible thing to do to them. They might be hard work but if they’ve never done anything deliberately hurtful then they don’t deserve to be excluded from their own son’s family holiday to celebrate his birthday.

EchoedSilence · 27/10/2025 18:38

Go away with just your DH. No one gets left out and hurt then. I'm surprised your parents thought it was okay to exclude your DH's family.

Dramatic · 27/10/2025 18:38

I'd be really upset. You should invite them really.

outofofficeagain · 27/10/2025 18:39

I would be pissed off.

This feels like a completely manufactured and avoidable drama.

you could have gone away at any other time of the year to ‘celebrate’

You chose to organise a holiday over your DH’s 40th inviting your parents but’forgot’ about his.

You may get on better with his but you seem determined to point that out to everyone.

It’s shitty behaviour and you know it.

FastTurtle · 27/10/2025 18:39

It wouldn’t bother me, I’d want my DS to have a nice birthday whatever he chooses to do. I’d offer to take him out for a meal before or after the trip. I’d look on it like Christmas, you can’t be everywhere and see everyone on the actual day.

Anonymouseposter · 27/10/2025 18:39

If you were going on your own and having a party when you came home I would be fine with it but going with your parents and not inviting them is a bit off. Your parents don’t sound as nice as you say they are , inviting themselves along without a thought about your in laws. I bet they wouldn’t like it if it was the other way round.

HedwigIsMySpiritAnimal · 27/10/2025 18:39

Going away is fine, going away on his actual birthday with your parents not his is fucking horrible. I can’t fathom what made you think that was ok. I’d be incredibly hurt if it was my son 😢

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 27/10/2025 18:39

MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:31

As a couple and individually we get on better with my parents.

My husband would stop into my parents and have a chat with my dad, over going into his own parents, even when I'm away with work.

His parents are hard work, if I'm honest.

Show quote history

Sounds like you are the one who is hard work.