Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

Yes, and the way she orders them around like she is the owner. She even tells off tradespeople for leaving shoes on her carpet, or for being late etc.

It doesnt bother me too much, I am too busy most of the time to pick over small details, and usually glad she is doing it.

But dd said to me when she saw it that she acts like it is her house.

Tbh I don't blame wrt shoes,after all it's her who has to clean up after them.

Time for her to go anyway or one more chance with new Ring camera.

I wouldn't care about the step children thing at all - families can be messy and it's not really your business anyway. I also wouldn't personally care if someone had their friends round my house if they were housesitting - but also if she agreed not to that's not great.

I would care 100% of the time about someone lying about spending time with my pet and then sending doctored photos through to prove it. This is the last time you should leave her in your home and I'd get the keys off her immediately. Your poor dog.

I had a nanny that used to have her boyfriend over when we were away. The security cameras would show him pull up in a swanky car, take her out, come back with her, have presumably wonderful after date sex, then leave first thing. When we would get home, the place would be immaculate, the dog happy, and she would seem refreshed and energised. It all seemed to work in our favour.

Sounds like an overreaction on your part based on an awful lot of assumptions. Wait until you get back, see how your animals and house are and ask her out right, then make a decision. You seem to be unnecessarily upset about the perceived ‘lying’ ( weird to bring up her step kids as this is not your business as her employer or client)

How long til you're home op?

What?! It seems like you were happy then? I am not happy, my dog is left along crying all day. I am not obliged to offer fully paid invigorating weekends away! 😂

I would be a bit miffed in your shoes, but also would have expected visitors as a likely risk if having a house sitter - which is why I probably wouldn’t have one. I think you probably should end the arrangement but don’t be too confrontational about it. Things might not be exactly as they seem from ring doorbell footage - she could have been giving your dog a decent amount of attention. One valid point might be if she hasn’t taken the dog for a walk but that might not be clear unless properly watching all footage.

Some of your concerns are also potentially a bit strange. Why you should you know personal information like the ins and outs regarding her step children. How can you tell from doorbell video footage she is pretending to be you when her friends arrive 😂 I also agree leaving flowers in your own home isn’t likely to be appreciated as a treat.

YANBU in the slightest. I hope your dog is ok.

Fire her.

She isnt the only woman in the world who can looks after your pets.

Get on borrow my doggy or WAs groups (local mums or buying and selling groups are good for this) and then meet and vet a few people you will find someone else who isnt going to take the piss.

Id maybeeee let the friends slide if there was no evidence of them upon return and she was doing what she is paid to do but that is not what's happening here.

Just get rid. You’ll never trust her again.

Yes you have. Never overlook things - if you notice it, it matters to you. It's a two way relationship and you are entitled to have your requirements/needs. You seem to judge things by whether they are reasonable or not rather than what you need. If the other person can't or won't provide what you need then no drama. Just move on and find someone who can and does.

Ring doorbells send alerts as people go past, maybe the neighbour was getting more alerts than normal at all hours?

Don’t pay her. Sack her.

Technically the no dc declaration is true because the SCs are not her biological children.

When you get home I would tell her what the neighbour said and show her the footage they sent you just in case there is an explanation that was misunderstood by the neighbour.

Clearly your trust has gone and unlikely to get it back.

I do find some of your comments a bit strange though, like somehow she is not grateful enough to you or respectful enough. She’s a cleaner, not domestic staff.

-step children would not be an issue and none of your business.
-pretending like it’s her house. I can imagine doing this in a jokey way when staying at someone’s house that’s much nicer than mine. There’s also nothing wrong with doing this with deliveries etc. it’s an odd thing to pick up on
-fresh flowers etc. why would this be a thing? You are paying her to do a job not do you a favour.

if she has left the dog all day, then sack her, but be careful going in all guns blazing on your neighbour’s say so.

Your insurance may not cover this situation so if anything has gone wrong you're stuck.

It's not a nice thing she's done .. for your dig and for your relationship.
You need a new cleaner.

I thought this too. I wonder if op has been alarmed by the nosy neighbour and is now seeing what the neighbour thinks they see.

I know people are going on about flowers, but I presume you put fresh flowers in the annexe when she stays there, which is a nice thing to do.

Please do ignore the people going on about the ring doorbell and not knowing if she's cleaning at night, trust your gut.

@Nestingbirds

Sack her! As soon as you get back! That's a no brainer - she's repeatedly lying to you, not respecting your wishes or privacy & not doing the job you're paying her for!!

The kids loved her and she did a great job. I should have been paying the mystery boyfriend too 😁

Your home, your comfort level. Do as you see fit - with a clear head

The animals are vulnerable. I would no longer trust her - the rest doesn't bother me so much.

Sometimes MN can't be ridiculous....ring doorbells ping everytime someone approaches. Ours covers next door and vice versa because they are terraced houses. You can watch past footage on ff so that it is not in real time! Before we got ours I often asked my neighbour to check hers to see if my dog walker had actually turned up as my dog had had an accident. I fired 2 different walkers for not turning up and just pocketing the cash. I then got my own ring doorbell.
Just sack her....your dog is worth more. Have a look at trusted housitters.

Once the trust is gone it’s over. It’s like a relationship! Find a new housesitter.

I used someone from Trusted Housesitters a couple of times. First time all seemed fine. Second time she asked if a friend could visit her. I said ok, although I had misgivings. After I got back my neighbour told me my drive had been ‘filled with camper vans’ and they’d had a party. You’d never know from looking at the house, no Ring doorbell and all the animals were fine, but that was enough to end that.

Have you watched "The Guest" on BBC1 @Nestingbirds ?