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Original poster

Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

1000 replies

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 06:43

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Bathingforest · 01/11/2025 21:06

I personally enjoy the long thread here, it is important what has been going on, despite people minimising it. I might not be having a cleaner nor having annexe but I too am very protective of my home and cannot imagine anyone behaving like that to me, my home or animals

Bathingforest · 01/11/2025 21:08

I used to have a large home with various buildings and many animals in the old country, too old now for this and my brother took over it. I have never allowed strangers or hired people to be rude to me. Actually would throw them out if they were lazy or skimming over the jobs so the time goes but I pay

Pinkpoems · 01/11/2025 23:27

MsDitsy · 01/11/2025 18:29

You do know you can stop reading the thread......don't you? Just in case, you come out of the post and don't click on it again. Then find something more to your liking. There you go, you're welcome.

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I don’t really get this. Are you saying that no-one should post on a thread unless they’re totally on board with what he op posts?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/11/2025 02:35

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 08:12

She does it when I am at home too.

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I'm interested what she is expected to do...

Postie:Amazon delivery for Ms Nesting Birds

House sitter: thank you (takes parcel and leaves where you expected.

Or do you expect her to say..'. Oh mo I'm not Ms Nesting Birds, I'm MS unreliable housirter, nesting birds is away so I'm housitting for next 48 hours...' etc etc...

To he honest, I would go with firdt option unless someone directly asked... Are you ms Nesting birds.

Or is it much darker..? With her actually claiming to be you??

Visiting Friend :' oh what a lovely house unreliable housesitter! I love the decor'

Unreliable housesitter : 'yes we liked the decor we chose and love living here' etc etc...

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/11/2025 02:48

Sheridanbucket · 27/10/2025 11:43

Dog sitter agreed to these terms so it’s irrelevant what anyone thinks of the terms.

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Also if dog sitter is self employed they don't have to agree to any amount I think?

They quote an amount they're happy with

Alice1243 · 02/11/2025 03:15

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 06:57

It is the lying that has upset me. If she had asked me I probably wouldn’t have minded, if it really made a difference to her. It’s the lying and sending me photos of the animals when she isn’t even there.

It’s really damaged the confidence and trust I had in her. She could have easily mentioned it in her texts, and choose not to.

I assume you're back and have sacked her. I wouldn't pay as she hasn't fulfilled the agreement. There are a number of housesitting/petsitting sites, such as trusted housesitters and Bubble that you could use, or ask for a friend's reference?
Maybe your neighbour would help out with the animal care depending on your relationship with them and their own circumstances.
I do petsitting from time to time, as well as working as a carer. Transparency and honesty are key.
What area are you in out of interest (e.g. county/city)? No worries if you don't want to answer that publicly or at all).

Alice1243 · 02/11/2025 03:37

MissAmbrosia · 29/10/2025 21:35

My cleaner would never answer the door. She's not here to take in parcels or ward off Jehovah's Witnesses. If she has ear buds in that's also not an issue. I once paid a friend's teenage son to feed the cat and water the plants. The cat was mostly outside in the summer but would come in for food. We got back after a 3 week trip to flnd all the plants dead, mouldy food bowls half way up the garden and a cat that was extremely happy to see us. There was nearly a murder - DH was beyond furious. It was somehow worse that he messaged that morning to say he was just there feeding and watering and what time should he drop the keys off, when it was apparent he hadn't been anywhere near for days at least.

That is so disrespectful of your friend's son. So upsetting too. I sit for a friend and she always says the house is cleaner and tidier than when she leaves!! The cats are fed and watered well too of course ... although when I come over at other times, they circle around 9pm as that's Dreamies or Lick-e-lik time (not every night, but a couple of times a week!). She does laugh, but knows they're well cared for and happy.

Findingthe · 02/11/2025 06:39

Once trust is gone and disrespect happens, any relationship cannot continue. You could not use her again because you either would not trust her or if you raised it with her and continued employing her you would feel at risk of backlash in your home. End it on return.

Overdonecabbage · 02/11/2025 07:22

How has the dog been around the cleaner in all the years previously and other times when left under her care?

my dog would be cowering whenever she entered the property

YourDearCat · 02/11/2025 08:09

Have you asked the dog ? What does she think?

purpleygirl · 02/11/2025 08:29

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:31

She told me she does see them now, but they haven’t for 7 years as her dp left them for her when they were little. Maybe she thought I would judge her (not my place to) over the years she has told me every other detail but this one.

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My mother remarried and my sibling and I lived with them but if my stepfather was asked that question I’m very sure he wouldn’t have included us as his children.

Jessiefirst · 02/11/2025 08:53

I installed a doorbell camera and it’s priceless for revealing the truth
i also leave two dog cameras in the house when I’m away and tell the person minding them they are on . I have also been let down by people meant to be minding dogs

Booboobagins · 02/11/2025 08:55

Sack her. End of. You are clearly lovely employees, she is taking the P cos she thinks you're a soft touch.

profile22 · 02/11/2025 08:59

You have a professional
relationship that you are paying her for. She crossed more than one line, I would send her packing.

HelenSkeleton · 02/11/2025 10:03

@Booboobagins @profile22 It's all dealt with now.

PopCatt · 02/11/2025 11:13

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:17

If she can lie about this then maybe she can lie about other things.

There was something else a while ago. She said she didn’t have dc when she started, 6 months ago she told me she had 2 step daughters, she told me by accident. It felt like a weird omission.

Her partners children are not her children. Maybe the relationship developed and she began to feel/act as a stepmum. Having children or not is irrelevant to your situation.

Interested to know, as an aside, what are you paying her while you're away?

PopCatt · 02/11/2025 11:32

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 10:02

I have told her we are coming back early / change of plan. I don’t really want a huge drama, but I am feeling violated.

It seems the dog hasn’t been walked. And has been left in the house for very long stretches.

Additionally we have an agreement re no visitors that she has ignored.

The flowers were for her to take home, we always make people feel welcome and really put in effort. We pay a lot £80 a day. Cleaning money is extra.

80 a day? A lot? For her to be there 24/7, not go out and not see anyone for a long weekend... but that's okay because you give her flowers? Wow. This is so middle-class "farrow and ball" privilege, first-world problemesque. You sound like a nightmare to work for wrapped in a niceness that assumes you are superior. Sorry to be so blunt, but people are actually struggling to live.

herbaltincture · 02/11/2025 11:45

PopCatt · 02/11/2025 11:32

80 a day? A lot? For her to be there 24/7, not go out and not see anyone for a long weekend... but that's okay because you give her flowers? Wow. This is so middle-class "farrow and ball" privilege, first-world problemesque. You sound like a nightmare to work for wrapped in a niceness that assumes you are superior. Sorry to be so blunt, but people are actually struggling to live.

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Jesus, RTFT.

TimeForATerf · 02/11/2025 15:25

PopCatt · 02/11/2025 11:32

80 a day? A lot? For her to be there 24/7, not go out and not see anyone for a long weekend... but that's okay because you give her flowers? Wow. This is so middle-class "farrow and ball" privilege, first-world problemesque. You sound like a nightmare to work for wrapped in a niceness that assumes you are superior. Sorry to be so blunt, but people are actually struggling to live.

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Have you read the full thread and updates? I thought not.

Mama2Tas · 02/11/2025 17:53

BackToLurk · 27/10/2025 07:51

Hmm. Saying you would ‘prefer’ no visitors isn’t a hard and fast agreement. As someone else said you seem to have some blurred lines.

It could easily be a friend/family member having a crisis. They call her to meet them. She says she can’t as she’s looking after your dog, so they come round for a bit.

It feels like you’ve decided you don’t want her working for you anymore though

And your neighbour sounds a bit of a stirrer. Maybe they could look after your dog in future as they’re so ‘helpful’

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This is so true!

LadyDifromtheChi · 02/11/2025 23:27

I agree that you should terminate her. Maybe find someone older and more mature to watch the pets and let the cleaner clean. I am a professional petsitter and would never invite guests into my customers' homes. If I had a friend coming to drop something off to me, I would text the owner, before the neighbors lol.

YourUniqueOpalDog · 03/11/2025 05:42

Tell her a neighbour sent you cam footage. And you'd like to start over if she can be square with you. You want the relationship to work but it needs to be as it was agreed and you need her to tell you when it isnt. You know she is a healthy human with a life.

Dog tax:

Cleaner invited friends over AIBU
Overdonecabbage · 03/11/2025 07:36

YourUniqueOpalDog · 03/11/2025 05:42

Tell her a neighbour sent you cam footage. And you'd like to start over if she can be square with you. You want the relationship to work but it needs to be as it was agreed and you need her to tell you when it isnt. You know she is a healthy human with a life.

Dog tax:

39 pages in

EalingW13 · 03/11/2025 09:14

Is a rival of MN trying to destroy it by making bots add pages and pages of irrelevant comments?!

YellowMellow99 · 03/11/2025 09:53

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 10:56

The £80 is to look after the pets. We then pay her hourly (£25 ph) for the cleaning on top of that. It is more than generous when we compared rates. We would never use a pet sitter that wanted visitors over. As we don’t like idea of strangers in our house. She can of course go out as often as she likes, but knows we have never left our dog for very long stretches.

That is generous and she should have kept to the rules!
I hope you fired her OP, and will never use her services again. It sounds like she was creepy and taken advantage of your goodwill.

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