Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

If she isn't expecting you back until tomorrow, maybe your early return will catch her out being out for hours. Which will make it much easier to end the agreement than having to admit that she has been being spied on via a neighbour'a doorbell.

What??

It's not even her husband, just her boyfriend. So she doesn't even have step children. Just a boyfriend who has children.

I feel bad for the cleaner. She had a friend over to keep her company for a few hours, and left the house for a few hours. Hardly crimes of the century.

Your neighbour alerted you because they were being nosy their doorbell alerted them and instead of minding their own business they told tales on your cleaner. Not because the dog was whining, as you have now decided.

Apparently she pretends it's her house because she doesnt feel the need to explain in detail to every delivery driver that it's not her name on the deeds. Do you expect her to say 'I'm the cleaner, lady nesting birds will be down shortly to greet you' ?
And hooray that she cares about your home to ask people to remove their dirty footwear.
She doesn't have children,she has step children whom she didnt have contact with, by the sounds of it. It's not a lie, she doesnt have to tell you everything about her life.
You should at least see if the house is clean, the animals are in good shape and explain what the neighbours saw before firing her. But if I were her I would be disturbed by your reactions anyway.

I think the trust is gone so when you get back you may as well end the contract with her.

however, you said no friends over which is fine and that she can go to coffee shops to meet them, but your op is complaining that she’s going out.
so you need to decide can she go out if not?

you can’t expect a grown woman to stay at home not having friends over or going out- next time hire a teen who would be more than happy staying in gaming then going out.

As PP have said, it’s not something you can come back from as the trust is broken. The animals being left is inexcusable, but if you cannot trust her not to bring other people into the home then that is also very significant.

I speak from direct experience here, where we had a house sitter who let us down badly. A valuable and highly sentimental item actually went missing in our absence, and I cannot tell you how awful it was knowing that people we didn’t know had been in our home and potentially through our personal things. We know, for example, that someone went through personal medical documents.

The item did in fact turn up, completely misplaced but it was there. But the days between our arrival home and finding it (along with seeing all the evidence of people going through our stuff) was really stressful and upsetting.

Don't underestimate the level of responsibility that comes with house or pet sitting. It’s massive and if someone violates that trust then you really cannot go back.

Sorry OP xx

I think you should end the arrangement as I don’t think there’s any coming back from the sense of betrayal you seem to feel.
As to the ‘pretends to me’, though, how else should she behave? She probably doesn’t want to introduce herself as ‘the help’ and it will make no odds to the delivery and works people; sounds like she is being helpful.
It is awful that she’s left your dog alone for so much longer than you would have done, that’s the dealbreaker IMO.

Sack her. Get keys back then get rid, for the dog lack of care really. There are lots of dog sitters, even CABs near me who would be better for your DDog. No trust there now. And frankly, she sounds a bit thick and a risk taker if she did this and didn’t expect she may be found out. Makes you wonder what else she has been up to.

NestingBirds Maybe look at a Kennel? Have a mooch round, and check with friends any good ones.We have a Doggy "senior girl"who is getting on a bit. Had to leave her for 1 night in kennels as DS wedding.Felt worried but she was fine .Friends abroad had issues with a house sitter who had caused damage! I would look again at Cleaner .Maybe an agency? You sound lovely ,leaving flowers and gifts.People will sadly take advantage sometimes.

Yeah I'm another who doesn't think that's weird. They could be adults she never sees.

I'd be more concerned if there was proof she wasn't taking the dog out or whatever.

'...leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers.'
Like who cares if you leave fresh flowers or not?! Also, this is the price you pay for having loads of “Accoutrements”, Do your own cleaning, look after your own pets and you won't have any gripes. Problem solved!

If I decided to invite people into my office to socialise when there was a rule in place about not doing that, and randomly left work for most of the day, I’d expect my boss to come down heavily on me. It doesn’t matter if it’s “not the crime if the century”. If she’s being paid for it, it’s work, so she either needs to follow the rules or turn down the job if she isn’t happy with them.

It also isn’t “nosy” to alert the owner if a neighbour sees a dog sitter go out all day without the dog. What are you expecting to see on return to decide whether the dog is in “good shape”? My dog would have been distraught being left all day, but I wouldn’t have necessarily been able to tell when I got home.

The OP seems to have a weirdly blurred relationship with this cleaner. Leaves flowers and gifts, expects to know the ins and outs of her private life, wants her to stay in without inviting anyone round, while simultaneously letting them go out to meet friends, wants to dictate the manner in which they answer the door. It's wild. I think they'd be better getting their next cleaner and pet sitter through agencies* and just having a much more solid employer/employee relationship.

• although apparently this cleaner runs her own business with just one other client. Never change Mumsnet

Op very clearly stated that her dog is terrified of other dogs. Lots of people don’t use kennels, we have always had dogs and none of them have ever been to a kennel. I would never use one, I don’t trust that my dog would be well looked after in a kennel. We have used either a pet sitter in our own home or a dog minder where our dog goes to their house but is the only mindee.

it’s mind boggling the way people are so eager to condemn op and her neighbour for looking at the video footage. Even if the neighbour spends all day watching the video - so what? I think it more likely that the neighbour was alerted to something not being right and then looked at the video to check. However the fact remains that it is the cleaner who did wrong - she is being paid to provide a service and she isn’t doing what she has been paid to do.

All the ‘what ifs’ - if something has happened which meant she had to be out more than anticipated, or had to have a friend in crisis round, she could have told OP this in texts, instead she is blatantly pretending all is well including sending photos of the pets at times she isn’t even in the house. it’s actually staggering the amount of posters outraged at this person being on a ring doorbell (which tbh every second house has now so we’re all on video!) rather than the fact that she is being dishonest.

the absolute worst part for me is that OP has made arrangements for her nervous dog to be cared for and the dog is being neglected. I’m sure I’ll be shouted down for this ‘it’s a dog, it can be left alone etc’ but this dog is not used to being left alone and the OP has paid somebody they trusted to ensure this doesn’t happen. An absolute dealbreaker for me.

She is probably workimg and doing another cleaning job in the day. I imagine she didn't want to drop her other clients completely.
How hard up is she do you think? Has she ever stolen from you?
How many friends over, one or two or a party?
I think I would be calling her and explaining that someone has called you with concerns and can she please fulful the duties as originally agreed and tell you honestly if they are not possible for her to do so you can make arrangements for your dog.

She has taken the piss, but it doesn't sound like she is an evil person. Her crimes are leaving the house for more hours than agreed and inviting a friend over, who knows it could be a relative who needed to talk to her and she said to them she can't really leave the house. Maybe her dad is in the hospital and she needed to go and visit for a day.
I would speak to her and ask her to be honest and then assess the situation.

@GoBackToTheStart shes house sitting, not unde house arrest.The op starts off saying the general agreement was no friends, but a boyfriend could come. Perhaps the cleaner didnt see a problem with a friend coming over as it was ambiguous.
@Nestingbirds did the neighbour get any footage of them taking the dog out at all?
I'm not a dog person, but even family members with the most dependent dogs will leave them for a few hours. And whilst I understand they can't talk, I meant do they have fresh food, are there obviuis signs of distress (chew marks, scratch marks, accidents etc), are the other animals fed, cleaned, water.
Op has decided the cleaner is bad without discussing it, so i feel bad for the cleaner. At least give her a chance to explain.

i think your neighbour is a shit stirrer and shouldnt be sending you this stuff while youre away. I think I would see how the house is and how the dog is when you get home tbh, unless there are reports that hes barking or being shut out.

Im not saying its right, or that you should use her again, as im sure the trust has gone somewhat, but i dont see what good it is to have your nosy neighbour telling tales every time her ring doorbell goes off because shes pointed it to cover half the street.

@Nestingbirds does she live with you full time or only stay when you’re away? I couldn’t trust her after this, but have you got complete footage? She has had people round against your wishes but has she really been out for as long as the neighbour suggests? I’m not disputing it - I’d just want to be 100% sure when I have the conversation. It’s horrible. Having got the keys back I’d still change the locks.

Wonder if she will be out without the dog or ‘home entertaining’ when you get back.

It’s very distressing and would really upset me.

Get rid op. You give some people an inch and they take a mile. Really useful those ring doorbells and how lucky you have such a nice neighbour. And yes, do get your own ringbell and cleaner and sitter through an agency.

You shouldn’t have to ask somebody to be honest. If honesty isn’t their default setting that tells you everything you need to know.

I have told her we are coming back early / change of plan. I don’t really want a huge drama, but I am feeling violated.

It seems the dog hasn’t been walked. And has been left in the house for very long stretches.

Additionally we have an agreement re no visitors that she has ignored.

The flowers were for her to take home, we always make people feel welcome and really put in effort. We pay a lot £80 a day. Cleaning money is extra.

Thank you for your replies 🙏🏼

Under house arrest? She’s at work. You don’t get to do whatever you want when someone is paying for your time to do a specific job like caring for your animals, especially when you’re in their home. If she wanted to invite friends over she could have asked and Op could have made an exception like she did with the bf. If it was acceptable as a blanket rule, there wouldn’t have needed to be a conversation and an exception made for the bf, would there? It’s common decency to check when you know the home owner might not be comfortable with it, which the Op had made clear by saying their preference was no visitors. If that wasn’t obvious to the cleaner I’d be concerned about her sense of judgement anyway.

I wouldn’t have told her I was coming home early. I’d have just turned up to catch her out.

Sounds like she is careless, not actually doing the job you are paying her for, and taking the piss. Have a look on local forums, there will be other reliable pet sitters and cleaners.