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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

1000 replies

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 06:43

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:33

I just get the feeling she isn’t being completely straight with me about many aspects. I can’t put my finger on it. But this has really upset me.

OP posts:
Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:33

So what you going to do as you’ll be home today?

I am guessing you didn’t go through an agency and this is cash in hand?

next time…. House sitter

and agency for cleaner

saraclara · 27/10/2025 07:34

How do you know that she's out all day?
Presumably if she's a cleaner, she cleans for other people, so you'd expect her to be working at those other houses while you're away. Or did you expect her to cancel her other jobs and be at your house 24/7?

Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:34

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:33

I just get the feeling she isn’t being completely straight with me about many aspects. I can’t put my finger on it. But this has really upset me.

Ok so that’s established

So presumably relationship ended once you get home

use the journey home to research cleaning agencies and house sitters

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:35

Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:33

So what you going to do as you’ll be home today?

I am guessing you didn’t go through an agency and this is cash in hand?

next time…. House sitter

and agency for cleaner

She runs her own clients and pays taxes etc. it’s not cash in hand, no.

OP posts:
Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:36

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:35

She runs her own clients and pays taxes etc. it’s not cash in hand, no.

Show quote history

you have no idea whether she pays taxes or
not.

irrelevant anyway.

just sack her and get alternative

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:36

saraclara · 27/10/2025 07:34

How do you know that she's out all day?
Presumably if she's a cleaner, she cleans for other people, so you'd expect her to be working at those other houses while you're away. Or did you expect her to cancel her other jobs and be at your house 24/7?

I could see from the footage my neighbour sent me. She was out all day.

OP posts:
HewasH2O · 27/10/2025 07:36

So had you asked her not to work (& potentially lose her other clients) whilst she was house sitting?

saraclara · 27/10/2025 07:37

Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning

Also, how do you know she's not cleaning your house?

windintheoak · 27/10/2025 07:37

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:31

She told me she does see them now, but they haven’t for 7 years as her dp left them for her when they were little. Maybe she thought I would judge her (not my place to) over the years she has told me every other detail but this one.

Show quote history

As an employee she doesn't owe you details on aspects of her life, especially sensitive ones.

Unless I'd raised them from young (like they didn't have a birth mother available through death), I would say I didn't have children if they were step children either. I don't think that's a lie.

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:38

HewasH2O · 27/10/2025 07:36

So had you asked her not to work (& potentially lose her other clients) whilst she was house sitting?

No, we have been away over the weekend and her usually working day. Her other client is on holiday.

OP posts:
Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:38

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:36

I could see from the footage my neighbour sent me. She was out all day.

Show quote history

How many hours of footage did your neighbour send you??!

Owly11 · 27/10/2025 07:38

I can't believe you even need to ask. You have someone in your house who is untrustworthy and has a set of keys. You are so unsure of leaving her in your home you are ending your holiday early. What would change next time? When you are on holiday you need to be able to relax. I would get home, ask her for the keys back and then the day before she is due to clean text her and say you can't afford a cleaner any more.

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:39

saraclara · 27/10/2025 07:37

Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning

Also, how do you know she's not cleaning your house?

Because I could see on the footage she has been out all day most of the time. We would never leave our dog alone all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:40

Owly11 · 27/10/2025 07:38

I can't believe you even need to ask. You have someone in your house who is untrustworthy and has a set of keys. You are so unsure of leaving her in your home you are ending your holiday early. What would change next time? When you are on holiday you need to be able to relax. I would get home, ask her for the keys back and then the day before she is due to clean text her and say you can't afford a cleaner any more.

yes, I think that’s pretty much it. We were due home tomorrow. I feel sorry for my dog, which is why I am leaving early.

OP posts:
windintheoak · 27/10/2025 07:41

Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:38

How many hours of footage did your neighbour send you??!

Show quote history

Yes, even if she was shown going out at 9am and coming back at 5pm, it doesn't mean she didn't also come home at 10am or leave at 4pm in between. I assume you watched the entire day?

CatsorDogsrule · 27/10/2025 07:41

I'm not sure you are getting the full picture by relying on your neighbour's ring camera.

What is the agreement for how much time she is to spend with the dog?

IF she has friends over, is it more than one at a time, or could they be deliveries, as suggested by a pp? Why would having a friend over mean that she isn't looking after the animals?

The kids thing seems irrelevant, as does a "treat" of leaving fresh flowers in your own property.

You clearly don't trust her now, but from what you've written, I wouldn't be confident to say the animals are neglected and she isn't doing her job. Yes, she may have had a friend/ friends over, who you didn't approve, but how long is she expected to stay alone for?

saraclara · 27/10/2025 07:41

I don't understand. You've only been away for the weekend, yet she's had time to have friends round on different occasions, and yet still be out all day.

And again, how do you know she's not cleaned? Maybe as she's at your house she's going to clean it just before you arrive, rather than to her normal schedule. Which is what I'd do

Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:42

Yes this is all a bit weird actually

BackToLurk · 27/10/2025 07:43

There are people ‘coming and going’ from the house AND she’s out all day? Who are the comers and goers seeing?

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 27/10/2025 07:43

Unless you’re paying her minimum wage 24/7, you can’t dictate how she spends her time. You really shouldn’t be (unintentionally) spying on her like this.

We have cameras all around our property, but on the very rare occasions we do use a Dogsitter we are - and have been from the start - open about their existence and the fact we will check them to check on the dogs/her. We also agreed as part of her dog sitting services contract how often they could/would be left etc and she gave us her rate based on our/their requirements.

We have been burned before with someone we trusted (and were paying). You need a professional Dogsitter and to pay the going rate for their services. Treats, flowers etc just add to the friendly informal vibe and blur the lines.

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:45

CatsorDogsrule · 27/10/2025 07:41

I'm not sure you are getting the full picture by relying on your neighbour's ring camera.

What is the agreement for how much time she is to spend with the dog?

IF she has friends over, is it more than one at a time, or could they be deliveries, as suggested by a pp? Why would having a friend over mean that she isn't looking after the animals?

The kids thing seems irrelevant, as does a "treat" of leaving fresh flowers in your own property.

You clearly don't trust her now, but from what you've written, I wouldn't be confident to say the animals are neglected and she isn't doing her job. Yes, she may have had a friend/ friends over, who you didn't approve, but how long is she expected to stay alone for?

We had an agreement that we wouldn’t have visitors, I know they are not deliveries because I can see her greeting them, and than both leaving a few hours later.

She really should have asked me if she wanted to change our agreement.

Since then she has had plenty of time to mention it, and has not mentioned it.

I don’t want random strangers in my house.

OP posts:
FatherDickByrneV · 27/10/2025 07:45

Why is your neighbour sending footage in the first place?

Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:45

You just have spent houses watching the footage

Weekendwatch · 27/10/2025 07:46

FatherDickByrneV · 27/10/2025 07:45

Why is your neighbour sending footage in the first place?

And the neighbour has her cam directed at the OP’s front door??

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