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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend grabbed my child

279 replies

friends345 · 27/10/2025 00:16

I’ve been friends with let’s say ‘Louise’ for as long as I can remember.
I have a DC aged 3 and hers is 4.
we were out today and my DC had a toy Louise’s DC wanted.
Louise's DC was crying saying she wanted the toy. Mine wouldn’t give it.
I said to my DC ‘share the toy and take turns’ or something like that.

as my DC was walking passed Louise, she grabbed DC by the arm and pulled her back saying “no, you’re not having that toy’ and snatched it off her.
DC obviously got upset. I was shocked. I took DC to one side and comforted her.

I then went back to Louise. The kids went to play and Louise was saying “your DC needs to learn to share. If she’s upset my kid then I’m going to do something”.

so I replied that my DC is 3. A whole year younger than hers and she’s learning to share but she still shouldn’t have grabbed her. I let her know that wasn’t ok.

louise then backtracked and said she felt awful and that she only did that because that’s what she’d do with her own kids etc. she said she wanted to apologise to DC and she did apologise.

it was a bit awkward after that. She said to me “as soon as I did it, I couldn’t believe I’d done it and when you walked away with your DC I thought you might not want to see me again or be friends”.

i feel conflicted. My DC absolutely loves Louise’s DC and would be truly devastated if they couldn’t play together anymore. What would you do??

OP posts:
User8008135 · 31/10/2025 23:12

It sounds like you are coming to the realisation that she's a pretty shit friend to you OP and not that nice a person from what you've written here. She sounds like she's got issues and you've been in a rubbish dynamic with her. If you don't want your dc in it, you will need to set some firm boundaries though if I'm honest, I'd be walking away.

A friend once told me to Marie Condo my friends, if they don't bring you joy and happiness (the majority of the time obviously we all go through shit)...bin them.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/11/2025 15:28

Givenupshopping · 31/10/2025 19:20

Now that you've given us more details of the way this 'friend' treated you in the past OP, I take back what I posted earlier, don't even try to set up a way of managing her demanding daughter's behaviour together, just keep your lovely little one away from her, and her mother. It sounds like the daughter is seeing her Mum basically bully you and your daughter, into getting her what she wants when she screams for it, and if this continues, she will then start getting physical with your DD herself. I know your DD likes this child, but she won't for much longer if you allow her to keep seeing her. Get out in the world and make some more Mum friends, so that your little one gets to chose which kids she likes, because she gets to see different behaviours, ie, she likes your 'friends' child because she appears to be the only one she plays with at present, but if you make more Mum friends, your LO will get to meet other kids, and she will realise that they don't all try to steal her toys and her food, so will like them better. Hope that makes sense?

This. The very long list of difficult memories that this incident has provoked and the behaviour you've described - seems to me that you are right to cut her out for good.

I think that you've been brought up to be forgiving and generous and your "friend" has taken advantage of that. You've been insulted... forgiven her and made peace as you've been taught and moved on still on good terms.. There's been no come back for her and so she continues to treat you poorly and that's become the norm.

You've realised from the way she treated your DD that her behaviour is completely out of order and are thinking hard about why that is and why it is not acceptable. So I don't think you should tell yourself off. Your "friend" is manipulative and abusive... and sometimes its hard to see that when they apologise and do the occasional nice thing to distract you.

But you have seen it now so that is a good thing. It might be helpful to find some kind of assertiveness course or someone whith advice on how to deal with similar situations.

But I don't think you should have any qualms about quitting this friendship. If you don't want to make a big drama, no need to announce it unless she keeps pestering. Just take a big step back, be busy, make other friends, stop initiating get togethers.

Three year olds do love playmates. But this friends dd is not the only playmate she can get on with. As she goes to reception, she will make lots of little friends and its a good idea not to have her getting used to a dominant child who is a year older than her and bosses her around, before she goes to school. She will quickly make other friends. Wishing you all the best.

CluckYeahCluck · 28/02/2026 22:28

Louise has apologised, and it seems she is genuinely very regretful. And we all make mistakes. Nevertheless, you are still unhappy about it, so best if you have a good full discussion with Louise about it. Maybe you could arrange a time with her to have a chat about it, preferably without any kiddies to get in the way.

SpryCat · 05/03/2026 12:22

A friend wouldn’t have treated you so badly in the past and certainly wouldn’t be aggressive towards children in order for her child to get her own way!
She apologised because she saw you was shocked, not because she is actually sorry. Abusive people are good at apologising so their behaviour gets swept under the carpet then they carry on.
You need to walk away, your DD was aggressively manhandled by an adult, the toy snatched off her and it is abusive behaviour.

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