Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

[Wardrobemarker]

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

Exactly and then moan on here about expecting a token gift. You both were fools and they got a fab holiday. This is entirely on you- two big, grown adults with a grown mind of your own. They took advantage because you paid them to!

I mean, they've shown you repeatedly that they're quite happy to take you and your husband for mugs and you still invited them to leech off you for a weekend. There's only so much sympathy I can have when you and your husband have been such willing doormats.

Are they always on holiday there every time you visit your holiday home - seems unlikely.

You are very fortunate with a home, a rental, a holiday home and so perhaps they thought you are minted and didn't mind? It might seem to them like you love to splash the cash?

CFs abusing your hospitality. 😞

People like this have no pride and rely on others being polite. I'd bill them for it. You probably won't get the money back but then you can knock this on the head.

Awful people. Sadly there are many of them about. They've really shot themselves in the foot though because they won't get to stay in your nice rental or free again. In fact you find really want anything to do with them at all, grabby rude freeloaders!

It's one thing being kind and generous and not making things too transactional but being taken the piss out of like this is something else!

I suspect when you are next at your holiday home they'll make contact, no doubt expecting a free feed. I would politely decline to meet up and if they ask why I would tell them that you felt totally taken advantage of by their behaviour and that you need to take a step back for the sake of your mental health as well as your bank balance.

Out of interest how did they otherwise behave when they stayed? Were they pleasant? I ask because in my experience grabby people like this also tend to be a bit chippy. I may be wrong though.

Your dh sounds absolutely lovely and I wouldn’t try and change him, or shame him. He’s a giver and that’s a lovely quality. Sometimes though you just have to recognise that certain people are takers and stop giving to them because it will only ever be one way.

Givers need good boundaries because takers have none.

Absolutely inexcusable.

But….you’re obviously “considerably richer than yow “

and they picked up on it and took advantage

sounds like you you have plenty of money

where are they from?

They know somebody with a home in the same place so they go there for 10 days at the same time for the last five years or so and have booked their flights for next year. I know the dates they go so that's something. Yes we are fortunate to have what we have but it hasn't come without blood, sweat and tears and lots of sacrifices. Myself and DH are very normal, not flashy, my car is 10 years old and a people carrier and I don't wear expensive clothes or designer brands and neither does DH. We put our money into building up our assets for our future and our children's future.

Thank you ❤️

You and DH were foolish op. You could clearly see where the weekend was going cost wise but you persisted in spending/ planning/ feeding them. Take a moment.. take a breath and recognize this and don’t repeat it because since you are posting here I’m assuming you feel pretty shit about this experience

talk with DH if you haven’t already and recognize this behavior as a couple and agree to not repeat it.

what did this couple bring to the friendship that made you want to invite them? Does that need thought about?

start getting very very comfortable saying…separate checks please or getting your own rounds etc. I’m shocked how many people simply can’t ask for separate checks. And believe me someone at the table will sigh with relief you handled it

they were really grossly greedy and ridiculously rude to assume you and DH would enjoy nothing more than paying for every single aspect-of their visit because they are so wonderful? Funny? Appreciative? What??
this was an extreme circumstance a baptism by fire for you and dh

and really a token gift of wine or chocolate is not even acceptable. That’s just a bullshit token of nothingness

lastly if DH is guilty of flashing cash being the big I am talk with him about how that makes you both vulnerable to this happening again and how you feel about it

Brass-necked CFs. Drop them like a hot potato - no contact from now on. What a shame after your generosity.

Thank you, they did mention meeting up when abroad yes. Its funny you mention if they were chippy because one of them was a pain if I'm being honest. Without going into too much detail they continually asked for very specific food items that most people would not have in their fridge or pantry, never complimented the food which I know was fantastic as DH is an excellent cook, moaned about feeling a bit chilly in our house while sitting there in t shirt and shorts, house is not cold at all as I am a cold person and like to be warm. They also made a comment about some work in the rental that wasn't up to standard and questioned my DH. They wanted better water pressure in the bathroom tap to wash their hands.

Your husband needs to stop buying friendship.

Hmmm…….reminds me of the time we invited my OH brother and SIL from overseas. They were staying 2 nights with us and then going on to stay with another relative who was hosting a Boxing Day all day buffet thing.
We had also invited family to ours to meet the DB and SIL. I catered with loads of hot and cold food and my DD brought some homemade desserts. OH DB and SIL brought nothing…….party went ok and we took t(em out the following day for a fancy lunch…….they paid nothing!
They moved on to the other relatives and we went to the Boxing Day party. I was served cheap and nasty Prosecco whilst SIL drank red wine. I then asked for red wine only to be told by SIL ‘yes, this is from the case that we brought over with us on the ferry’……..I was bloody furious because they brought sweet jack shit to our party but thought it was ok to donate a 12 bottle case to another family member! Never invited them again and never will!

I don’t understand the thought process here. You describe them and being mean and tight when you met them, so how did you progress into becoming friends and inviting them over?

I just think surely as grown adults, you develop a better sense of bad friends and filtering them out so you’re not left with shit friends

They are tight freeloaders and your hubby is too kind. It’s a lovely attribute but they’ve taken the piss put him. Chuck them. They’ll only ever expect you to provide more more more. 🥲

Don't understand people like this. I would be mortified.

If you're from different countries, is it possible that the cultural norm where they're from is that hosts pay for everything?

I'm clutching at straws though. My gut instinct would be that they're really just freeloaders with no manners.

Cant believe they didnt even think to bring something from their home asa thankyou gift...chocoltes bottke of wine etc. Awful and very rude. Sorry you had to learn an expensive lesson. :(

So they are grasping and entitled free-loaders and very poor company. They sound like utter twats. You need to rebuff any further attempts on their part to either meet up when you are both on holiday or for them to stay in your rental property again. Just bin them right off.

We come from similar cultural backgrounds, probably share ancestors from hundreds of years ago. The cultural norm from both countries is not for hosts to pay.

You were shafted once by them, but then let them have another crack at it ?
Your dh needs a kick up the arse for suggesting it when it was obvious to anyone else what they were like.
The cfers know a mug when they see one that's for sure.

I agree with you unfortunately.

They sound like a couple of freeloaders. I honestly wouldn't bother hosting them in future.