Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

[Wardrobemarker]

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

Cheeky F'rs. Don't invite them again.

You invited them to your country so it's likely that their cultural norms are different from yours - in some cultures if you invite someone you are the host and the host pays, expecting the guests to stump up anything would be considered incredibly rude.

You respond by apologizing for owning 3 properties, (how dare you own 3 properties) and maybe offer to leave one of them to @Theslummymummy in your will.

Some people get stuck with crab mentality, if I don’t have this then neither should you.

Have they paid op yet for the tour. When they leaving your house

Good grief, you can’t do this! You either share costs at the time or let it go. You can’t present people with a bill afterwards. You and your husband sound like lovely people, OP. This is one to chalk up to experience and let go. Have nothing to do with these people again of course!

Lesson learnt. Chalk it up to experience

I hope you've ensured your husband is aware to never buy a single drink for them again. Even if you are somewhere together and they come over with the bill, make a point of saying, I'll just buy these two, please. People like that it'll go over their head but you need to make sure you don't spend a single penny on them ever again!!

Just a little update. Firstly thank you for all your lovely supportive comments and advice, it's very much appreciated.

So the money arrived in our bank this morning. The note attached said " 70 as requested for tour". DH sent a message saying " thank you, I received your payment for the tour". Their reply was a thumbs up.

That's it now. We are done with them. Will never meet up with them again or have anything to do with them.

Oh wow, I can’t believe they paid up . No please or thank you I note for your extended hospitality, but I guess the reason they paid is because they were worried about running into you at the holiday resort if they didn’t.

That's good news. Now they've paid, they'll be back in contact next year for another holiday seeing as they imagine they've paid their way! I'm glad you are staying strong and saying no to a repeat.

wow I can’t believe they paid! I hope you stand firm at having nothing to do with them too

Well done, I'm glad they paid. Even though it was such a small amount compared to how much you spent on them! It still feels like a win, because they payed for something!

What is he doing to stop being one? Sounds like he knows he is which is good.

I’m very surprised that they actually paid you people like them don’t normally stick their hand in their pocket. Good on you both for not only calling them out on their CF behaviour but for standing your ground with them it’s about time more people did that to CF’s

Also amazed that they paid up. May mean they expect another visit to you or just your DH's continued (over) generosity. Good thing you have dropped them.

IME people like that only pay up when they think it's going to be worth their while.

This is a good point. @Wardrobemarker you'll have to update us when they ask to meet up again

Ohhhh, I was hoping you'd come back OP.

Brilliant that they have paid. Your DH can pat himself on the back for stepping waaaaaaay out of his comfort zone with all this!

Hopefully the flowers, champagne and chocolates to thank you for your generous hospitality will turn up soon. Or maybe they won't. Best not hold our breath!

Or if you do bump into them,say:

"Ah you can buy a few rounds, after we spent over £800 hosting you...."

I expect you won't see them for dust! Result!

What a horrible pair of grifters. Were they suggesting that you should be on the hook for the costs because they allegedly didn't like the tour?

Well done on standing firm. Now avoid avoid avoid.

And if they suggest meeting up again respond with a puzzled face emoji…

I think that is very unreasonable to expect you to pay after inviting them to stay in your rental property! I had a somewhat situation, I live in a tourist area, we have amusement parks,water parks , live shows , etc etc and my husband would tell people bk home that if they were Ever visiting our area to look us up because his wife (that's me) could get as many free tickets to whatever they wanted to do! Humm that's only because I am a nurse full time but part-time I work for the tourist industry just for that luxury so when I have my Grandchildren over the holidays we can do things but my husband has friends of friends parents in- laws calling and because I have to walk the people into the place so I can get and give the passes or tickets this means I have to drive, stand in the EXTREME HEAT pay for parking and sometimes this may be 6 or 7 people and I have just saved them over 200+ $ I barely get a thank you , not only that but when I was visiting my hometown I ran to Walmart and Walgreens and I see some of these people that don't even speak! So heck no!! No more free vacations!! That goes for your buddies too!

Do they assume you are really wealthy? If you continually offer things without any discussion of who pays for what they may think you are really loaded and don't even think about the money. Either dump them or decide in advance who is paying for what. Or they see you as a soft touch and are just enjoying the freebies, the decision is still the same though, assuming you like them enough to bother with them at all in the future.

What I can’t understand is the mentality of people like this. What is going on in their heads while they are sitting and scoffing and drinking etc while letting someone else pay, not once but over and over again? Have they no pride?

We had a slightly similar experience with a couple of women friends who came to stay for almost a week. Watched while we paid for everything, sat back while I cooked every night, never offered even to pop to the supermarket to stock up for us. And forget buying a gift or bottle of wine or a meal out.

Eventually we went out for the final evening. The bill arrived, DH put it in the centre of the table and went on talking. Both of them made separate, lengthy trips to the toilets. The bill was in the same place when they got back. It was a sort of who blinks first situation. Finally, after about half a hour of faffing about, one of them huffed and picked up the bill. I was half expecting her to ask to split it.

Neither of them were hard up. The weird thing is that I’d never have guessed they were like this until they stayed with us, and I’m still utterly baffled by this behaviour.

Does a thread that began and ended in October count as a zombie?

Great that you did that. Huffed. Strange behaviour but I think they are called selfish, entitled, cock lodgers? Is that a MN expression? Sit back and take people.