Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

[Wardrobemarker]

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

Oh I am sure they know perfectly well how to do a bank transfer. Cluelessness is another useful weapon in the grifters armour. Forgotten their wallet - well surely they can use Apple pay, gawsh no what’s that, pay for their own trip online - shucks we aren’t very good at that sort of thing.

If they are very good, you’re never sure if they are genuinely a bit rubbish at being an adult in the 21st century. Like my relative who proposed I shipped over a particular British delicacy which was heavy and expensive to send to USA for her DH. She never did say thank you when I - within a minute- managed to google a US site where she could buy it herself without shipping or import costs.

Here they have overplayed their hand. If they had simply transferred the £70 plus say rounded it up to £100 ( I know doesn’t match the costs met but would seem like a decent gesture) then they would be enjoying at least one more free holiday. Instead they were so crass and ungrateful that even OPs DH must be well and truly warned off by now.

I think you both knew beforehand that they were spongers and would not offer to pay for anything. This has happened to me in my youth a lot. However I think it's too late to ask them for any money now and almost embarrassing to do so. Move on and learn from it.

Can I be your friend, only kidding, not kidding?!

Sorry but you are being had.
Really awful to read all this. Why is your husband over generous?
He is being taken for a ride.
We have been in Sweden staying with friends and made sure we paid for nearly all meals out as they put us up in lovely granny flat.
Find nicer friends!!!!!

Unfortunately this does happen..I've got a sister like this..she's not short of money but she's a skinflint but I stand up to her and won't let her get away with it in my house..lesson learned and i would be cutting ties with them x

I tend to be a bit like OP’s husband but in a smaller way and it’s hard to stop being like this if it’s in your nature.
Most people do say ‘thank you very much ‘ and do appreciate it and make a little effort to reciprocate.
But there’s a definite portion of people , who think you’re rich/ stupid and don’t hesitate to take advantage.
What amazes me is that sometimes they’re otherwise nice people.
I think perhaps it comes down to upbringing?

Could be that in their culture, the hosts pay for everything. Do a return trip & make them pay. 🤣

I had a couple who did took advantage of my generosity in a similar way. Turned up from afar “bearing gifts”: a tea towel and a jute bag from their home city. They hesitated when bills arrived, it got kind of annoying to host them. It was his birthday while they were with me so I was expected to go all out, too. Lesson learned!

This is horrible behaviour, as someone who leans to being generous i cant stand tightness. But bearing in mind you knew they were stingy and were still kind enough to host them, you should have had some plans on how to avoid this. " so shall I book then you transfer me half or shall we book ourselves" " we sorted dinner last night, where do you fancy now its your turn?"

Im feeling sad for you, not in a patronising way. I know how horrible it is to be taken advantage of

Yeah that's what I meant, that they were pretending to be clueless! 😅 Sorry, it wasn't clear the way I wrote it!

@kklooin my relatives case, I do genuinely believe she is a bit clueless, but it’s funny how her inability to get to grips with modern technology always results in extra work and costs for me.

You have more money than sense.

I just can’t believe he kept paying and at no point said ‘do you want to get this?’ But yes, they’re awful. Insane amounts of money!!

Water off a ducks back for grifters like this.
They simply move on to other mugs they know.

They repeatedly showed the OP and her husband they were mean, but still they thought it a good idea to invite them to visit and fully fund their trip.

These people were very clealy tight fisted grifters and have never pretended to be otherwise.

The husband knew but motored on, paying for everything.

Now they are pissed off because these people didn't magically morph into generous appreciative guests.
But they were never those type of people, they have been consistent in who they are, takers.

They actually have so little regard and respect as to argue the point on a fraction of what was spent being repaid.

I actually don't think her husband is generous, I think he's foolish.
They are left with a poor taste in their mouths for volunteering themselves and their home to be royally used.

The only good that can come from these situations is if you really learn from it and rethink how you behave.

These type focus on people like the OP and her husband, that is their attraction, their willingness to spend money on them.

It most certainly is not friendship, its convenience.

Was this for real? They sound absolutely revolting people. I would never have anything to do with them again.

My parents met a couple on holidays very briefly and invited them to stay with them for 2 weeks. This couple had very little English, it was excruciating by all accounts. My father paid for everything and this couple never paid or even offered to pay. My father spent a fortune! My parents also gave them the use of their second home (to get peace from this couple for a few days). My parents thought this couple may not have had much money, not the case at all. My parents went to stay with them in their beautiful home with a wine cellar and they only served wine from Aldi instead of wine from their cellar!

I don’t think it’s fair they you feel like crap and they don’t. Therefore I’d send them a note that you are disappointed with them and rather shocked at their unfair financial behaviour. It won’t help your relationship with them. It will end it but on the other hand it might make them think twice before they exploit other generous people.
They really might not get it. Sometimes it’s seen as patriarchal one upmandhip that the chief male pays. And they might think they are doing you a favour.
I know weird. And I’m not convinced because even if this was in their thinking there was nothing to stop them buying you both a lovely gift. Tell them off.

When we stay with people we always take them out for dinner, booze and take a present with us of flowers or something special that I have made. We certainly stand our round. These people are freeloaders and frankly I would not bother with them again.

A pair of Leeches! You are well rid. I wouldn't even meet them on holiday any more!

Well, you won't do that again! I'd be mortified if I allowed someone to pay for all that for me. Freeloaders

One can only think they had a terrible upbringing in terms of being taught good manners. When I was 22 I went on a road trip across America with three friends. We stayed with the family of a girl one of them knew who had a big house in Santa Barbara for about two nights. And we made sure to leave them a nice present. I agree that these freeloaders should be banged to rights and told their behaviour was rude and unacceptable. There are no excuses.

They sound Awful. I wouldn’t speak to them again

I am so sorry that some people feel the need to insult your lovely husband. You sound like a lovely kind generous couple, who have, unfortunately, been taken advantage of. Please don't dwell on the nasty comments, and keep on being you. Just don't waste your time and money on these rude, entitled free loaders again. Best wishes 😘

Think you are on the wrong thread @Realjournal123

A pair of C words