Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

[Wardrobemarker]

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

Well, yes, it doesn't take much to figure out. You have at least three properties and at least two of those are in an expensive country.

Your husband needs to work on his boundaries, assertiveness and learn not to be a people pleaser. I don't mean that to be harsh, and I hate clichés and platitudes but there are two that I live by. If somebody shows you who they are, believe them, and if you lie at somebody's feet, then be prepared to trampled on. Probably because not doing that has got me into lumber. I have to catch myself on at times.

Don't beat yourself up though, don't let it come between you and your husband, just don't let them do it again. It's a horrible and expensive lesson to learn 😬

We come from similar cultural backgrounds

Quoting OP as several posters are still mentioning possible different cultural expectations.

As these appear to be foreign guests is this possibly due to, or made worse by, a cultural difference? In many societies there are quite extreme expectations of a host's obligations to a guest.

Hi op I would just send them a message hey x just to you know we won’t be in touch again we are not made of money and we don’t have money to spend on people who take advantage of our kind nature so please do not get in touch find another mug who pays for everything. Then block them you need to tell them straight cheeky fuckers. Honestly these are far from friends I hope you can both see this now. I couldn’t imagine even being polite to these fuckers.

How jaded must you be to deduce this is a stealth post 😂

Sorry ,but you should be more assertive. You knew what they were like ,yet invited them for a free hol at your rental. Your DH then c9ntinued to pay for everything. You call him generous. I call hima soft touch!
Sadly you brought it on yourselves.

@JamesB142 I had literally just commented, quoting OP, who stated that it's not cultural

Oh absolutely, I'm 100% jaded with all this shit 😆

In future please save your generosity for kind people and invite actual friends etc. Don't invite people to take advantage of you both, that you labelled "mean"
There's nothing wrong with being kind but please respect that kindness.

I always find it incredible when I hear these stories. Dont reproach yourselves for any part of this. You’re good generous people, a rare trait today and no you likely didn’t envisage them being THIS rude. The rule is usually if someone is offering g you free accommodation, you foot the bills for everything else such as meals out and trips. A lot depends on differing incomes but they took advantage. They possibly make a habit of befriending wealthy softies. We would be the same inasmuch as not wanting to bro g up any subject of ‘who pays’ so we would also just pay but I’d be furious!

In good news, now you've asked for money, you'll never hear from them again. Easy way to get CF to piss off forever.

OPs latest post is fascinating. How she has politely asked for £70 for the tour and how they are saying it wasn’t worth the money - and now they have gone silent. I’m gobsmacked. They either think you are stinking rich or they are incredibly entitled for some reason. You both sound like lovely people.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 15 times.. 😅

I honestly can’t relate. There were so many moments where you could have asked for them to pay but you didn’t. And now you know they’re not as poor as you thought you resent paying. Wether they are cheeky fuckers on not, your thinking doesn’t sit right with me.

What is the real reason you do generous things?

The next time you go out, put the money on the table for yourself and your husband and then let them add their share to pay the rest.

I read most of the OP's posts and kinda sat with fingers crossed hoping the cheeky miserable miserly shitehawke guests were not Irish but you did then say they were a different nationality. That said I think anyone who does what they do and gives nothing back squeak like ducks arses when they walk and need their screws tightened up. I hate mean people and these are the worst skinflints I have come across hearing in a while and I have come across some mean fuckers in my time. Unreal. Entitled and unreal.

Maybe they’re destitute and move from one person’s holiday home to another.

Seriously, they’re CFs.

Nothing wrong with your DH being generous if he can afford it. If he wanted the money for their tour tickets, he should have asked them for it directly. Nothing wrong with that, either.

Do you actually get on with them? Doesn’t sound like it. If not, they’re not worth staying in touch with.

Hopefully, your other friends are as generous and thoughtful as you and your DH.

Sorry OP, YABU because you knew they were tightwads and still shelled out. Freeloaders will always take advantage of generosity. Be more cautious in future.

Oh no, after the first couple times of offering to pay and paying and they don't you should not continue. Unfortunately some people are just takers amd will take advantage and once recognised don't give more into the empty bowl of hope for reciprocation.

Hard agree!

Rude and cheeky. Cannot understand people that behave like this.

OMG OP well done to your lovely DH, that must have been hard for him to send and stick to his guns given what you've said about him being a chronic people pleaser.

Ugh, the responses sound so horrible! No wonder you were put on the back foot constantly when they were there, it's very difficul to keep reining in someone's expectations when they are so blatant about it, however unfair.

You and your husband should have a heart to heart as to why you feel you both feel the need to bail other people out who are taking advantage of you....

You need friends that treat you the same and give and take.

I've been there and I'm furious on your behalf.

Lesson learned for us all. Loads of grifters in this world. Get wise to it.

I’m sorry. These people sound ghastly and you and your DH sound lovely. I fear they have freeloaded off you. They sound awful people.

Well they've bit the hand the feeds them (quite literally). You won't be inviting them again nor be paying out for anything.
It was a very generous offer in the first place to come on holiday for free accommodation and rather than being grateful, they seem to see what more they can just take!
Like you say, it's not even entirely about the money, it's the attitude - entitlement even. And no thank you chocolates, wine or even verbal appreciation of anything. They don't sound like nice people at all.

So glad your DH has asked for the money. Utter freeloading cheeky fuckers.