Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

399 replies

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 13:13

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

OP posts:
Lockdownsceptic · 19/10/2025 00:35

I beg to disagree with the general consensus here. I find nothing wrong with their behaviour. They came as your guests, they expected to be treated as such. Have you been invited back to their country? Who knows they might expect to pay for everything when you stay with them. Is it possible there are some cultural differences here that have led to misunderstandings.

Cornishclio · 19/10/2025 00:40

They are CFs certainly and I cannot see any way that people would not see that. You invited them but most of us if given free accommodation would be bringing gifts for the hosts and treating them to meals out not expect the hosts to shell out for everything. A few people on here obviously have no manners.

Good you eventually messaged although it sounds like you won't be getting any money back from them. I would certainly give them a wide berth in future.

Summerhut2025 · 19/10/2025 01:16

Oh have they paid yet OP? I’m really invested in this one, please let us know.

Gilgogirl · 19/10/2025 01:27

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 13:13

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

Real good friends. I’d lose them fast and if they have the nerve to ever call you to host them again. I’d let lose with no bars held back. Disgusting users

newnamehereonceagain · 19/10/2025 01:27

Drop them, irrespective of whether you receive the tour payment.

Trendyname · 19/10/2025 02:56

SpudsAndCarrots · 17/10/2025 13:21

If your husband is very flashy with money they may have either assumed he's very rich, or don't want to offend him by offering when he seems to enjoy paying for things.
Could be that they're cf's, but it depends how your husband has come across and whether they've ever heard you say "DH you shouldn't be paying for everyone" etc. They could've easily taken him mentioning the cost of the daytrip as an ego brag rather than a hint for them to pay.
My DB is well off and enjoys paying for things, at times I've pushed that ill pay (we can easily afford to as he knows, though not at his level of wealth) and he seems offended if the point is pushed.

But OP’s dh asked for money paid for tour, which they never paid. so how can you say they assumed he would get offended? They are freeloaders.

Trendyname · 19/10/2025 03:01

Lockdownsceptic · 19/10/2025 00:35

I beg to disagree with the general consensus here. I find nothing wrong with their behaviour. They came as your guests, they expected to be treated as such. Have you been invited back to their country? Who knows they might expect to pay for everything when you stay with them. Is it possible there are some cultural differences here that have led to misunderstandings.

Even in the most generous host cultures, guest offer to pay for some things, bring gifts etc. What kind of shameless culture this couple could be from where they expect host to pay for everything including the tour they demanded to do and then let host be satisfied with imaginary carrot dangling in front when they would visit shameless freeloaders? 😂

ThisCheekyHazelSheep · 19/10/2025 04:12

Wow, you hear about people like this but imagine how relaxing their life must be, just bumming around taking holidays willy nilly on someone else's dime... Feigning ignorance whilst people ferry them around like royalty and prepare them feasts.

Your husband sounds like a nice and thoughtful person and it should not be up to a kind person to change who they are because of shitty people that take advantage, just avoid them in future and if they ask why tell them they're cheap.

Maybe no one's ever called them on it but I doubt it.

SandAndSea · 19/10/2025 05:02

"They had mentioned on numerous occasions that they would like to visit our country but accommodation costs and general expenses would be very expensive. My DH then invited them to stay in our rental free of charge."

OP, you and your DH sound lovely. Sadly, I think they saw you coming and set you both up. The various negative comments throughout the stay are part of that, I think; a way to devalue what you gave them to free them of any uncomfortable feelings.

The only way this might be more OK is if their transport costs were particularly high, in which case, perhaps, friends who want to see each other could argue that overall, the cost to both parties was roughly equivalent. (I'm stretching.)

ChikinLikin · 19/10/2025 05:06

newnamehereonceagain · 19/10/2025 01:27

Drop them, irrespective of whether you receive the tour payment.

Agree.
And if they ask to meet up, be frank and factual: "We'd rather not meet up, because in the past we paid for all the drinks, meals and taxis and you did not reciprocate. To be honest, it hurt."
I wonder what they would say?

Dancingsquirrels · 19/10/2025 06:16

SpudsAndCarrots · 17/10/2025 13:21

If your husband is very flashy with money they may have either assumed he's very rich, or don't want to offend him by offering when he seems to enjoy paying for things.
Could be that they're cf's, but it depends how your husband has come across and whether they've ever heard you say "DH you shouldn't be paying for everyone" etc. They could've easily taken him mentioning the cost of the daytrip as an ego brag rather than a hint for them to pay.
My DB is well off and enjoys paying for things, at times I've pushed that ill pay (we can easily afford to as he knows, though not at his level of wealth) and he seems offended if the point is pushed.

Yes I have a friend who is way richer than me. She loves to treat people. I've previously tried to pay my way but she wouldn't hear of it. Now, I just thank her profusely

Janicchoplin · 19/10/2025 06:56

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 13:32

I do agree that it's our fault and we were naively hoping that they would buy something. I just dont understand how you can be so mean though. My DH is not flash with the cash at all, I was actually really saddened by the whole experience. Lesson learned though.

Depending on what is considered normal for them. You invited them to stay the weekend. They might of thought that meant you were hosting them. When I've gone to visit family/friends at their residence. They have bought all food etc. I bought personal items or a "bottle of wine" for the meal. When I've hosted them I've done the same. So again. Not much information on where they are from or what is expected.
Communication is key here. If your inviting them be clear that your only allowing them to stay they have to provide for them.

Blueberrymuffinsforthewin · 19/10/2025 06:56

I think I'd have to reply back after your latest update and say you asked for us to book the tour, it's not something we would have done but it's something you wanted to do with a puzzled face back!

it wouldn't be so bad if they'd bought you a nice bottle of whatever you drink and some expensive chocolates to say thank you for a lovely trip. Absolute CFs.

kkloo · 19/10/2025 07:09

Wardrobemarker · 18/10/2025 12:45

So an update. Myself and DH spoke last night and he read some of the posts here. He agreed it was the right thing to ask for the money for the tour.

Text message was sent at 9pm, something along the lines of " Hi Bill and Ben, just remembered I didn't give you my bank details to transfer money for the tour. I will send them now, thanks. He then sent a screenshot of the booking with the cost.

Literally instantly the cheerier one replies with a puzzled face emoji. We didn't respond to that. They then sent a message saying, if they had of known the tour was not what they had imagined they wouldn't have bothered because its not worth the money in their opinion.

We didn't respond to that either just sat tight. Thirty minutes later another message questioning if we knew if there would be bank fees involved if they did a bank transfer.

DH replied that he didn't know.

Another message, "probably be just easier to buy you a round of drinks next time we meet up" and a laughing emoji.

We didn't reply and went to bed.

This morning DH text and kept it light. Laughing emoji, "no thanks, you can just transfer the money . Wardrobemarker and I are not sure of our plans for next year so bank transfer be best, thanks.

No reply as of yet.

Bearing in mind a round of drinks for me and DH is literally 5 quid. The tour was 35 quid each.

They must not have done a bank transfer ever in their life 😅
Cheeky fuckers!

LBFseBrom · 19/10/2025 07:23

No doubt they are very grateful for your hospitality. They may even write and thank you effusively. Perhaps, in the future, they will try to reciprocate in some way. That's how it usually goes.

I think you have to write this off now and chalk it up to experience. Don't dwell on it any more and if they suggest staying with you again, don't be available.

Umy15r03lcha1 · 19/10/2025 07:30

Wardrobemarker · 18/10/2025 12:45

So an update. Myself and DH spoke last night and he read some of the posts here. He agreed it was the right thing to ask for the money for the tour.

Text message was sent at 9pm, something along the lines of " Hi Bill and Ben, just remembered I didn't give you my bank details to transfer money for the tour. I will send them now, thanks. He then sent a screenshot of the booking with the cost.

Literally instantly the cheerier one replies with a puzzled face emoji. We didn't respond to that. They then sent a message saying, if they had of known the tour was not what they had imagined they wouldn't have bothered because its not worth the money in their opinion.

We didn't respond to that either just sat tight. Thirty minutes later another message questioning if we knew if there would be bank fees involved if they did a bank transfer.

DH replied that he didn't know.

Another message, "probably be just easier to buy you a round of drinks next time we meet up" and a laughing emoji.

We didn't reply and went to bed.

This morning DH text and kept it light. Laughing emoji, "no thanks, you can just transfer the money . Wardrobemarker and I are not sure of our plans for next year so bank transfer be best, thanks.

No reply as of yet.

Bearing in mind a round of drinks for me and DH is literally 5 quid. The tour was 35 quid each.

Well done for the diplomatically worded email and follow up.
They are such rude people and I hope they're squirming at being asked to repay £70 for the tour which was something they asked for.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/10/2025 07:48

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 21:39

Definitely not a third world country. There is a disparity in finances but as I said on the last night after a few to many drinks we found out how much they actually earn and have in savings. At the end of the day even if we asked for 400 quid, half of what DH spent that is incredibly cheap for 3 days and nights in a very popular and expensive city. I have never paid 400 for food, drinks and accommodation for two people for three nights.

Show quote history

They sound hideous!!

As you no longer want these people in your life... :

I'd just bill them £400...as they clearly pretended to be less wealthy than they are.

I'd be very low key :

Dear CF.

Forgot to settle up before you left! Please transfer your share £400 to bank a/c * (this was for the tour and your share of eating out /whatever).

Don't imply you're dumping them... Actually I'd put pressure on them for 400 if they don't cough up...

If they do pay... Great.. Then ghost them.

If they don't after a few attempts... I'd be more upfront... Weve asked you 3 times for the return of the money you owe us, please don't expect to be hosted by us again ever.

And don't have anything more to do with them.

Primmyhill · 19/10/2025 08:09

When we’ve gone away with friends we’ve all put an agreed amount in a kitty for food//drink/outings etc which saves any awkwardness when the bill arrives and everyone is contributing equally. Been stung too many times before by freeloaders!

Strawberry53 · 19/10/2025 08:20

I do find is astounding how many people are out there taking advantage of others kindness based on this forum there are just so many! I can’t even comprehend it to be honest, I would never show up without a gift if people are hosting me and I’d be so embarrassed to not cover my share! Sounds like you are very lovely generous people, chalk it down to experience and don’t spend time with them again because they clearly are taking the absolute mick with this behaviour. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. I’d also send a follow up message about paying you back for the tour on principle. Just keep it straightforward send bank details and “please send across X amount for the tour thanks” no ifs ands or buts I say.

ExposedCankles · 19/10/2025 08:57

Well done to your DH. You both sound lovely and do not deserve the way your “friends” have treated you. Pleased that you asked for the money for the tour, it’s not a good feeling to know that you have let someone walk all over you. They wouldn’t have had to pay transfer fees had they stumped up at the time so no sympathy for them. And obviously they should be buying a round of drinks next time anyway! Awful behaviour from them.

Annonymiss123 · 19/10/2025 09:02

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 20:07

British

Show quote history

The OP has said that the CFs are British.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 19/10/2025 09:02

Lockdownsceptic · 19/10/2025 00:35

I beg to disagree with the general consensus here. I find nothing wrong with their behaviour. They came as your guests, they expected to be treated as such. Have you been invited back to their country? Who knows they might expect to pay for everything when you stay with them. Is it possible there are some cultural differences here that have led to misunderstandings.

Nope they are cheap, when asked directly for the tour money they showed their true colours, fancy asking if there are bank fees. How tight is that, thinking of anyway not to pay and then offering a drink instead, unbelievable.

ScrollingLeaves · 19/10/2025 09:14

I think they think you are (literally) millionaires and happy to spend money on them, your new ‘friends’!

newnamehereonceagain · 19/10/2025 09:22

I gather they are British. I apologise on their
behalf. Please please don’t think this is the typical behaviour of a Brit - the whole thing is extremely embarrassing to me.

Missj25 · 19/10/2025 09:40

AnxiousD · 17/10/2025 13:15

Lesson learned.... forget them! Your generosity has been taken advantage of and you will have others around you who deserve your kindness and generosity more ❤️

I couldn’t agree more OP ..
You & your husband are good kind people, Shame they’re the kind of people who take advantage of others ..
Forget them , friends don’t behave like that .. x

Swipe left for the next trending thread