Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

[Wardrobemarker]

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

I want to know why I've never bumped into a couple like you .
I'm always striking up conversations on holiday .

Please ask for the money!!!!

We know of so called friends who never get to the bar first, somehow can't find their card or pop to the toilet. We go away and pay for accommodation and advise of the cost but no money is ever offered. We don't make the same mistake again. There's generosity and kindness and there are tight fisted arse holes. Avoid and don't repeat.

I can’t stand mean, entitled CF’s. I’d not be prepared to see these people again. Absolutely disgusting behaviour. They should have brought you a beautiful gift, taken you guys out and paid for their own tour! People like them aren’t worth your time.

They are totally selfish freeloaders. Maybe they think that the English are the most generous people on earth. I would be furious if I were you. But try to forget it now and just drop them.

Yeah I would definitely keep them at arms distance!
totally inconsiderate of them to let your husband pay ! Cut them off & forget about them xxx

If they are that mean they are not friends. Don't see them again

I think some people are just takers, I know one, pleads poverty, let's others it well off pay fir things/buy her things then goes off on holiday abroad. You know what they say, once bitten twice shy. Don't offer them a free holiday again.

Well done you and your DP for asking for the money of the tour THAT THEY WANTED ! Their response has absolutely confirmed their level of cheeky fuckery. Horrible pair and undeserving of your generosity.

these people are users. Not your friends.

let it go. And move on

Both of you seem really kind generous people. It hurts when you realise others aren’t the same. Usually one of a couple will be embarrassed by the mean one, but in this case your visitors seem to endorse each other and they are both mean, insensitive users.
Yes, put it down to experience and be safe in the knowledge that you’ll never invite them back!!

That's not being unreasonable. The host was being a great host, however you stump up without having to be asked. It's what decent people do and not be expected to pay for everything.

Have a coworker who I really get along with, we are both remote. I traveled to his State, rented a room and set up meeting for lunch next day. He arrived late, I paid for the lunch. We met for dinner, I paid for dinner and drinks after. I left the next day out approx. $500.00.
He came to visit a few months later. I put him up in my home, bought dinner that night. Went to DC the next day paid for lunch, paid for tickets to Space Museum. Stopped on way home to pick up supplies for dinner, added a salad to order. Got home and as my wife and I were grilling the burgers and corn on the cob, he ate the entire salad. Could not wait for him to leave. Still friends but no repeats.

My in-laws are like your dh & you, kind & generous to a fault, hosts with the mosts etc BUT at the same time they have some so called friends that are in our opinion complete users & take total advantage of their generosity every single time. It's very frustrating as it upsets them yet it happens again & again.

Well done on messaging them.

I had a similar situation this year. Friends we haven't seen for 4 years announced they were coming to see us 'and you can pick us up from the airport'. I tried to explain picking them up was a 2 and a half hour round trip so perhaps get the train, also explained we were working so it would mainly be them on holiday staying in our house. Next thing, we have flight confirmations!

They didn't bring any wine ' because we're on the plane'. We fed them for 3 nights, they drank a bottle each. They had no plans for their visit, we ended up ferrying them around. We paid for all parking and petrol.

They did take us out for dinner but it ended up costing us £200 to host them, as well as taking them to and from the airport. On the last night they went to the off licence and bought some cans of gin and tonic for themselves ' I'm sick of wine' she said. Unbelievable.

I find so called wealthy people the meanest there are. My husband says that's why they are wealthy but sorry they are just mean in every sense of the word. They don't impress me because daddy paid for this, got a house because of inheritance etc. I have everything because I worked for it and pay my way.

This relationship only works because you and mostly your husband are prepared to put up with LOSE WIN. This couple aren't interested in WIN WIN (the basis of all successful long term relationships, no exceptions). Hint: this doesn't work - you have to swallow too much resentment. I usually never advise ditching people or ghosting without some effort at repair but with this pair, I'd do that in a hearbeat. They aren't worthy of your generosity, not by a long shot and you can do much much better. You know that, of course, but persuading your husband is the real work!

Could it be cultural? I’m Polish and we have a completely different way of hosting (something I learned the hard way while living in London for a few years and making British friends!). We wouldn’t expect to pay for anything while being hosted - in fact we would be worried about offending the host by offering. In return, when we host, we wouldn’t accept a penny and try to do all we can to do what the guest likes, down to providing the food they had mentioned they liked etc. So maybe see what happens when they invite you back before you write them off?

You sound delightful

So £70. That is nothing in comparison to what they really owe you. I hope they pay up right away. What a terrible pair of users.

OP please ignore the abusive knob heads on this thread.
I think you and your husband sound lovely and the two cretins have taken advantage.
unfortunately there are horrible cunts in this world. Some of them are on this thread

I don't know why posters are asking whether it's cultural that they didn't contribute to anything when being hosted. these people were tight when both couples were on holiday. That's nothing to do with culture. Also I don't know any culture where people don't bring gifts of some sort for the hosts.

@Wardrobemarker did you feel disrespected by your husband when he ignored your wishes to stop spending on these tightwads on holiday? I think i would have a problem with that.

I was once befriended by a woman who was part of a community thing I was involved with. She seemed nice enough, although a fair bit older than me. One day she came round to my house and in the course of conversation told me about some people who had 'invited' her to lunch. As it turned out, it was a case of a few people at a meeting deciding to go out for a bite to eat afterwards and asking her if she'd like to come too. She was then horrified when expected to pay for her own food. According to her, the person who issued the invite should have paid for her. She was outraged! I just stared at her, thinking 'wth?'

Our 'friendship' didn't last long; shortly after that she announced it was her birthday soon and she wanted to spend it with me and my young child. When I asked what she had planned, she said she'd leave it up to me. Haha. Not a chance. I'd never met such a blatant freeloader in my life, but given your experience it seems there are plenty others. I discovered later that she made a habit of trying to insinuate herself into other people's families and be included in activities for free, while claiming poverty.

I should have quietly dumped her after the lunch story, alarm bells were ringing but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Silly me.

Your husband sounds lovely btw. A generous man is a treasure. I got burned because I tend to be generous with people but I've learned to follow my gut feelings, and notice the red flags more quickly now. It just takes a little adjustment.

They sound absolutely awful. I would never speak to them again, absolute pair of leeches, learn lesson from it. Your hubby is very kind and generous & been taken advantage of

Agree- both of these things are true. I dont understand why an honest conversation couldnt be had- you are supposedly friends with these people and holiday together and yet you cant simply be honest with them and say "hey guys, we got the last one, this one's on you!". It doesnt have to be said nastily, you can say it politely but honestly. Also, BEFORE you say "we didnt want to be rude"- consider the fact that THEY are being rude first by assuming you'll pay for everything.

Surely an honest conversation is better than seething resentment and cutting off all contact.