MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

I think this is a good idea.

For context I am the grandmother who does Christmas Eve pyjamas and stocking for everyone who stays here for Christmas.
I take DD to choose the pyjamas for her DC, I choose the others as a surprise although very much tailored to their likes.

For stockings I do all the adults, it saves them a small fortune and the year I proposed stopping them as ‘you are all grown up’ there was a mutiny. For DGC if DD mentions something in particular I will offer to pick it up plus I get the sweets.

What I would do is Christmas at home and not traipse to grandparents’ houses every year. These Christmas rotations are tedious.

You might think I’m not answering the question but the strict visiting patterns imposed/agreed to lead to these issues.

Does she send a stocking the years you don’t go there?

They write a letter to Santa saying what they would like. This is part of the problem in that they are old enough now to ask for and be excited about receiving certain things. They know Santa can only fit smaller things in the stockings; we tell them larger things that won’t fit will be bought by us. Santa gives the stockings, we give the presents under the tree.

Gosh - so many Miners love urging OPs into a drama. She sounds generous and kind. Having extra stockings wrecks the family dynamic.

Just take a couple of stocking items with you and ask her to add them on Christmas Eve. If that doesn’t work for her (she might be alarmed at your kids getting expensive kit vs the oranges and mouth organs in the cousins’ stockings) put them under the tree.

Don’t underestimate the joy they’ll all be getting out of being together and enjoying this Christmas tradition: or overestimate the necessity that all children must get their hearts’ desires. You see the results of that in these threads. Just revel in being part of a large happy family. You’re lucky!

I'm not really understanding this.
Why do you only see mil once a year?
When do you see them when it's not their Xmas?

Surely grannies stocking is just part of the kids Christmas? Surely you buy all the stuff they've asked for seperatly so grannies stocking is just a bonus?

So if kids said I want a Switch would you buy or hope granny would get the hint?

How long do you go for?

As a granny I do a Xmas dinner before Xmas to suit us all. I never demand my kids visit on the day. We have a big Xmas day like feel and hand presents out on that day then parents can do what they want on the 25th.

She hand makes stockings for every member of the family and makes sure no one is favourited by keeping the contents the same(ish)for everyone.the amount of thought and time that would go into that is lovely.what a fabulous memory for your children to have in years to come about their granny when Santa is no longer around.if you kick up a fuss you will ruin this tradition for everyone.suck it up and do your own stocking in the room and tell the kids to keep quiet about it.if your youngest is 6 ,and you only go every second year ,you’ll only have two more christmases before they don’t believe and will understand what is happening .

Thats a good idea.

Do they think all presents are from Santa? If not can you give them a small gift bag of presents from you when they wake up? I always thought stockings were to keep children occupied when they woke up early before main present giving

Do all 10 cousins stay the night?

Why not just give your kids a ‘stocking’ but put the gifts in a box or a bag and say they’re from you? Or even better, do a Christmas treasure hunt in your room. You’re overthinking this - it’s just the stocking and they’re forgotten almost immediately after they’re opened.

I’d tell her the truth - that doing your children’s stockings is a highlight of Christmas for you and you really want to do it.

But I also think people overthink how much children question this stuff. They want to believe. And there is a patch where they just want to maintain the illusion, with a few moments of ‘what if it’s true’. So just have Granny stockings as well! It’s fine for them to have two if she wants to do it.

I can't believe you let this happen at all. Your kids deserve to be able to open their stocking at 5am when they wake up!! MIL has had her time with her kids - she shouldn't have been allowed to impose this on yours. But now it's happened there's no way for you to row back without telling them that grandma has been doing their stockings rather than Father Christmas!
What about you get a few extra gifts from Santa and sprinkle them around their beds in the morning and make up some story about how Santa forgot the stocking were downstairs and dropped them on the way??

Have to say I think this is a non problem. Your kids are old enough to learn that sometimes they don't get what they want. It doesn't sound like the stocking presents are awful, just not EXACTLY what they would have chosen or you would have got them with your knowledge of them. But they don't just get a stocking, you can buy them what they want as under the tree gifts. You could do this but you would (a) offend your MIL (b) set your kids apart from their cousins unnecessarily and (c) miss an opportunity for them to learn to be grateful and polite for gifts bought with love if not an encyclopaedic knowledge of their preferences.

Of course there may be a huge backstory where MIL is an evil witch in multiple ways or deliberately buts them things they hate, but otherwise I think you should suck it up and your kids can do the same. It's every other year, it's their granny, she won't be around to make them stockings forever.

It’s a nice idea and even if she isn’t getting the best sticking fillers does it really matter. I’m sure you make sure your kids have a brilliant Christmas. A slightly sub par stocking isn’t going to change that.

People (usually women) get so uptight about Xmas it’s crazy.

Came here to say this. It's not a hill to die on. Explain to your child about Grandma's house. Do your own stocking on the morning of Christmas eve before you leave or when you get back.

Surely the other siblings dont want this either?? There is no way id want my mother/mil doing my children's stockings especially if they don't know them well. If the siblings cant all say they dont want this and your husband cant tell his mum you'll be filling the stockings she's made. I would absolutely bring your own and do them upstairs first. Your husband should tell his mother in advance.
To be honest though, I would be thinking about their fact that they only see their grandparents once a year??? If its at Christmas with the other 5 siblings and their children, they have no chance of ever building any relationship.
If the grandmother is warm/nice but just overbearing/controlling wouldn't it be better to go at a different time so they can actually spend time with their grandparents. Why do they only see them once a year if they live in the same country? Sorry, this isnt the point of the post but what jumped out to me.

We used to get those ready-made stockings from Santa.
Remember the ones? Wrapped in a sort of netted plastic.

But Grandad always selected the gifts for his stockings…
Little soaps, stickers. Fancy paper, nice pencils. Satsuma.

I agree this is frustrating, especially because it's every other year which makes the situation more complicated.
How old are the cousins? Can all the siblings have a chat together to explain to them that these are Grandma's 'special' stockings. Do the others alternate with their partners too so have the same problem every other year?
I think it's wrong for her to be saying they are from FC, especially because they will be so different on the years you don't go there.
Is she giving all the children the same things like a generic stocking? Does she get them something they actually want as well?

YANBU, obviously.
Speaking for myself, I'm very glad I don't have to deal with these and similar situations in life.
They just are not needed.

Thank you everyone for all the replies. I think what I’ll do is say I’ve bought the things off their lists that they’ve requested and send her a list of the items. They haven’t written the lists yet but my daughter has been going on about a tamagotchi for the past couple of months and there will be other things they will have on the lists when they write them. So maybe I’ll pick 4 items each. Then grandma can pad this out with whatever she is getting for them all, sweets and other generic bits.

part of the problem is I hate waste and to see nearly an entire (large) stockings worth of stuff per child mostly unused and binned throughout the year is galling. Also 3 kids with Christmas, birthdays, little Easter gifts each etc etc - our house gets v full v quick and it’s me who has to constantly cycle things in and out of it so we don’t get swamped. I would prefer most of the stuff they receive at Christmas to be stuff they want or need. Maybe that’s controlling / unrealistic though

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It's a hill I would die on and DH would too. We are so lucky that we are completely aligned on Father Christmas. 😅

We are both very anal about it in completely the same way with the same rules. Anyone trying to fuck with that would not get very far.

To be honest, I'd let it go. She enjoys it and it's clearly important to her. Unless the kids hate it or the other parents do too, you'll just cause major ructions.

Now this is bonkers - 9 am on Christmas day?? I mean her house her rules but you should totally do them something in the bedroom (Christmas eve box or something) to keep them busy from the crack of dawn! My kids could never wait until 9 am either 🤣

My parents split when I was very young. Dad would arrive on Boxing Day when I was with my Mum, “Father Christmas couldn’t find your stocking, so he jest this box for you.”

Could you set something like this up? Hang the stockings at home for decoration, but they get filled while you’re away? Its not the same as the excitement of the 25th, but I’m sure the children will love it anyway!