MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

I would have said no right from the start - I absolutely love doing the stockings and would never let someone else take over. Just tell her you want to do them this year. She already got to do them for her own children! And still has a load of them to do for everyone else.

Sounds really draining. If I were you with 3 DC I’d just want to do it at home and stop the tradition of alternate years at grandparents. Your home, stockings of your own, your own new traditions, see family on another day.

so Santa gives 2 stockings one and gran’s and another on the end of your bed at home for when you get back.

As others have said just do another stocking from you . please don’t spoil her fun. or what about one of those Christmas Eve boxes that some people do ?

Well I don’t do stockings so it would cause great confusion with my dc…😂😂 I would stay home and do my own Christmas if I were you

Well that would be a very rude way to speak to his own elderly mother who is kind enough to offer to host you all and buy you gifts every other year.

Maybe instead he could speak to her with kindness and sensitivity to see if it's possible to work out a solution that keeps everyone happy?

If in the future I am lucky enough to have grandchildren, and my dd decides that being a parent gives her the right to "tell me what is happening" in my own home, I won't be impressed - in fact, I'll be hurt beyond belief and also confused as to what she could possibly think gives her the right to talk to me like that! But I don't think she would....

So she only sees them once a year ? And she has tried to create a festive tradition that she does. Which she goes to a lot of trouble to do (hand making stockings) which when all the grandkids are adults they will look back and remember. But what they won't remember is the content of the stockings.
Just that they shared that moment with family. And the grandma they saw once a year was made up to do it.
But she doesnt exactly put in the stuff your eldest would like ? Even though let's face it stockings are meant to be just random stuff you could take or leave .
Couldn't you just give him the bits you think he would like as Christmas presents?

Or as someone else has posted you could start a new tradition like a Christmas box or something.

No all the grandkids (mine included) think the stockings that grandma is filling and leaving by the fire are from Father Christmas.

my kids are hyper and and awake at 6am on Christmas Day…they then have to wait until about 9am when all the other kids are up to go downstairs and open their stocking (the one from grandma). This is another issue I have with it 😂😭. Because it causes frustration as they just can’t wait nicely. When we are at my parents house they get their stockings from FC on their beds and can open when they wake up

No. She’ll just say “We’re not coming to have Christmas YOUR way. We’re a family and want to have our own traditions so will stay in OUR home to have Christmas OUR way. Thanks”

as you will see happening on thread after thread after thread in the upcoming months.

I’d be doing my own kids’ stockings. Actually can’t get over you alternating between grandparents’ houses every year and your kids never getting to wake up on Christmas morning in their own beds. You are a more selfless woman than I!

Stay home. Honestly. It’ll be the best Christmas you’ve ever had.
Just remember when your children are adults with their own children to give them the same grace.

It is not really on to see your GC once a year and take the very best bit of parenting for yourself. I would be much more upset about this than OP. It's all about Gma's vision and nothing about the individual DC.

I would be going at a different time to avoid this entirely.

This. I can’t understand why you never stay at home. And how do you get away with only seeing your mil once a year?!

I’m assuming you meet up with your DH’s siblings more often as you say the dc are all besties?

Time to start staying home and making your own lovely Christmas traditions. It’s what we did and have never regretted it.

If the whole family are there, you'll cause pointless rows trying to alter Granny's stocking. So tell your DC Grannys stocking isn't really from Santa, but your stocking is but they have to pretend for the "little kids".

I would be honest and say that as your eldest is now 9 you are feeling a bit sad that you haven’t been havjng the fun of filling their stockings so this year you would like to do it… say it’s the natural progrsssion, she does her adult children's stockings , you do your childten’s

Be nice about it, obviously, say you have seen how much fun she has had and you feel envious, and nothing beats her beautifully hand made stockings

I would be staying home. Christmas morning in your own house is much better than somewhere else.
How far away is it? Could you travel on the day and arrive for Christmas dinner?

Who did your husbands stocking when he was growing up? MIL or his Grandma?
But I think you've let this go on too long now to change it really, you should have discussed it year 1! I think I'd go with mentioning that you have seen some bits the kids would love for the stockings so could either bring along or send her the link.

No I wouldn’t dream of doing it unless the parents were ok with it. I’m about as far from a mil from hell as you can get 😁

Aren't stockings meant to be little nicknaks of bits and pieces and pretty low value hence I can't see the issue if theyre getting main pressies later.
Maybe be helpful and suggest you'll bring a few bits that can go in all the stockings to help personalise them.

Break away. Do Christmas at your own home, your way.

Can’t you just buy some of the things that you would have put in their stockings and give them more than 3 presents each?!

I think MIL is trying to do a lovely thing and maybe she is also trying to ensure that all 10 cousins get a similar amount of gifts etc

I personally think it was bad form to take your own stocking in secret… I believe that when you are with family then you need to think of all the children present and not just your own, but that’s just my personal opinion.

As some other pp has suggested I would speak with the other parents and between you agree to say to MIL you’d like to contribute to stockings this year, ‘we have spoken and will bring along 2-3 personalised gifts to each stocking’ And that you’d also like to do her stocking too so she gets some surprises?

Good luck 🍀

I'll ask the awkward question, how come you only see her once a year?

Or have i read that wrong?

I would do two. If you insist on doing your own, are all the other grandkids going to be going down to find a stocking at Grandma's except yours? That won't be fun for them. Or are your kids going to find extra items in their stockings that the other grandkids don't have? That will be noticed and create a division among them. Even if the presents aren't the best, it is a tradition that all the grandkids will remember when they are grown and which unites them as a family. So I think you just make your own stocking and give it when you are home again. I wouldn't bring them with you, as the other kids will notice, as you say they already have.