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Original poster

MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

365 replies

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:07

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

OP posts:
Velvian · 12/10/2025 08:21

I think she is seriously overstepping. I would have a big problem with this.

Can you go for lunch and do stocking at home? Or just have Xmas day at home and go over Boxing Day.

She has had her children. It is your turn now.

BunnyLake · 12/10/2025 08:22

If I become a granny I know I’d like to do stockings for the gc but only as an added extra, not in place of their parents doing one as well (unless they were relieved to hand the job over to me).

Could you start a new tradition and give your children their stockings from you on Christmas Eve?

DaylesfordBroccoli · 12/10/2025 08:22

I’ve always told my kids that Santa delivers the presents but mum and dad pay for them, so in your situation I’d be saying this is the stocking mum and dad paid for and grandma pays for an extra one when we’re at her house.

Also I’d be really pissed off with her, she had her chance to do stockings with her own kids, taking over with yours is overstepping the mark.

OSTMusTisNT · 12/10/2025 08:22

Have 2 stockings. One from you/Santa and one from Granny.

Any protests, DH can be ready to tell her that kids parents like doing stockings too.....

I have been known to sew stockings as Xmas fabric is generally so adorable and fun to buy but these are a bonus stocking, I would never insist I'm the main stocking provider.

idri · 12/10/2025 08:23

My MIL started doing this. She did Xmas eve boxes at one point as well and also makes them a Xmas sack (or 2) and fills it.

It really did grind my gears initially as the kids are so young and I wanted to be in charge of it.

I just do my own stocking and Xmas sacks as well as hers. Just try and hide it as best you can from the other kids.

She means well, but they just don’t seem to realise that these are special traditions that YOU, as the Mother, also want to do. It’s just excitement from her end, but fucking annoying.

MIL messaged the other day saying she would be making one for the new baby as well.

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 12/10/2025 08:23

Id bring your own again and do it upstairs. I think that's much safer than adding gifts to the one from grandma- when the other kids see the extra or more personal gifts downstairs they may wonder why their stocking is lacking.

Id say we're doing our stockings upstairs first. And if anyone says anything you say it's important for me as mum to do the stocking- if there's a problem with them having two then he will not do grandmas, it's up to you.

Luddite26 · 12/10/2025 08:24

Is this instead of your presents or is it just a stocking?

Do you take your presents with you? Eg if 1 child wants a bike do you take it or does Santa leave it at home when you get back?

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 12/10/2025 08:25

BusWankers · 12/10/2025 08:11

Just say "we'll do our own thanks."

Honestly, that is so dismissive and unnecessary. I would want to do my own stocking for sure, but I’d find a kinder way to let my mil down.

2chocolateoranges · 12/10/2025 08:26

Mine get 2 stockings, one from Santa and one from their grandma.

always have and still do as adults. It doesn’t cause any issues.

Marchitectmummy · 12/10/2025 08:26

How much stuff goes into the stockings? Couldn't you just suggest you replace one or two gifts she would have put in there with somethihk you pick? All of the families could do that couldn't they.

What goes into them, if it's sweets, a book and a toy then it's easy to replace the book and toy for things you think they would prefere.

ItWasTheBabycham · 12/10/2025 08:28

i had this when I was growing up, both grandmothers would
do stockings in the years that we were at their house. Then when we got home, Santa had left another one for us. Never questioned it, was just pleased Santa was generous…. It’s a nice tradition. If it bothers you do your own stockings too

Ophy83 · 12/10/2025 08:28

Give her a heads up that she doesn't need to get so many stocking fillers for your kids as they have written some very specific things in their letters to Santa so you will be bringing those to keep the magic alive. You may also want to let the wider family know as others may want to do similar. Still use her hand sewn stockings an she can put a couple of things in as well if she wants to.

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 12/10/2025 08:29

Just say you’ve already been squirrelling away stocking fillers so you are all organised this year and she doesn’t need to bother!

Tiredofwhataboutery · 12/10/2025 08:29

I’d just do them a Christmas Eve box with all their stocking bits tbh.

QuantumLeek · 12/10/2025 08:30

Is she from another country, btw? (You say you only see her once a year.) Possibly a different understanding of what a stocking is? My mil was from another country and just saw stocking as a decorative way to give gifts, she never really got the Father Christmas thing (in her country it was St Nicolas on 6 December).

PullTheBricksDown · 12/10/2025 08:30

MIL is incredibly lucky you've all gone with it so far. Tell her what you've explained here, kindly but firmly. You will do the stockings this year and put the gifts in her stockings.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 12/10/2025 08:30

She had her turn at being mum. She doesn’t get to take away the special things from you just because she’s struggling to let go.
She can do her children’s stockings and you can do yours and if there’s an issue, you can have Christmas at home.
She monopolised your Christmases enough.

MonteStory · 12/10/2025 08:30

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:11

Well I was thinking of doing this but all the grandkids are now that bit older that it will def create questions, not least from my own kids! Like why do we have two stockings? And I’m sure they would mention to their cousins they got an extra stocking then there would be more questions. There are 10 cousins and they are all besties

Show quote history

Do they think they are from FC? That’s the most important point surely. Do they know grandmas are from grandma?

i really think you’re over complicating this. Just say ‘I know you love your stocking when we’re at granny’s and I/FC want you to have the same at grandmas. But grandma loves to do her stockings so we’re not going to talk about your other stocking with the cousins ok?’

Or give it to them before/after the trip to grandmas.

Honestly when you’re allowed a tradition to go on this long, you can’t really change it without causing issues. You should have carried on with your own separate stockings after that first year - the cousins parents can deal with the questions, that’s not your problem.

Dozer · 12/10/2025 08:31

MIL has overstepped and you and DH let it happen when you don’t like it.

DH should tell her what will be happening.

tragichero · 12/10/2025 08:32

How long are you staying at MIL's? If you are returning home Xmas evening, or even potentially Bixing Day morning I guess, could you sneakily leave the stockings in your own house just before you depart (tell the kids you are nipping back in to grab something when they are all in the car ready to leave).

Then when they get home, go oh look, wow, Santa visited us here as well!

OR tell DH's siblings your concerns, and see if they are all up for doing stockings for their own DC in the bedroom at MIL's house, As long as the kids are all opening these separately it doesn't really matter if their is some disparity, so even if others are happy to just do a basic one with some sweets and other small bits, all good.

I know some people are saying "Your kids, your choice" etc, but really it would be unkind to just unilaterally change the arrangements when it is clearly something MIL gets a lot of joy from. And to be fair to her she probably hasn't realised in any way that the stockings she provides are a little substandard. And if you suddenly voice this now, it will kind of sour all the memories of the stockings of Xmases past in the way.

So I think you are right to be careful how you go about this, to avoid being cruel.

And yes, in a sense she is overstepping, but I doubt she sees this at all if nobody has ever voiced it before. She probably thinks she is being generous and saving you all a job.

It's the sort of thing my MIL used to do when I was married - and despite spending a lot of time with DD she somehow, bless her, had no idea of what did liked - DD wasn't a "girly girl" at all but MIL desperately wanted her to be. I remember DD once struggling not to show her disappointment when she got a pink fairy themed card game and her male cousins got some cool plastic dinosaur toys......

Velvian · 12/10/2025 08:32

BunnyLake · 12/10/2025 08:22

If I become a granny I know I’d like to do stockings for the gc but only as an added extra, not in place of their parents doing one as well (unless they were relieved to hand the job over to me).

Could you start a new tradition and give your children their stockings from you on Christmas Eve?

Don't do this unless the parents want you to. Parenting young children is relentlessly hard work, with few nice bit, don't take the nice bits.

Offer the parents some money towards Christmas, that would be the really kind thing to do.

AudHvamm · 12/10/2025 08:32

I get the tussle with MIL on things like this and generally advocate for standing your ground, but tbh if she sees them once a year I would go with this. Can you buy 2-3 things extra for your kids to bring the stocking more in line with your usual and either add them to their regular gifts or add to their stockings?

MidnightPatrol · 12/10/2025 08:34

Honeyandwine · 12/10/2025 08:11

Could you say that you have a few gifts you would like to add to the stocking so you do it together this year?

I’d do this, to avoid the conflict.

But I broadly think… she’s had her fun doing the kids Christmas stockings etc with her own children, and it’s OP’s turn to get that pleasure now…!

Helpwithdivorce · 12/10/2025 08:34

Can you just say there are some quite specific things the kids want this year in their stockings so I can get those and add them if you like? Or would you like to get them? Then she gets to do it and the kids get what they want

tragichero · 12/10/2025 08:34

Also, just wanted to say in your MIL's slight defence, that buying each child a book but ensuring the content of the book is tailored to their interests IS, in my opinion, a really decent attempt at personalisation. I don't really see how she could personalise more than that to be honest, in the particular example you gave . Unless she isn't quite getting the book choices right for each kid.