MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

Oh there are MANY chores I would dearly love to palm off on someone (anyone!) but Christmas things for my children are not on that list!

We had home stocking and presents and whatever grandparents have, there is nothing that says there cant be more than one lot of things

Hang on….. I’m all for Grandma enjoying Christmas with her grandchildren BUT…. Kids are only little once, and they are ours to enjoy… @Gagamama2 has clearly stated why she wants to do a stocking herself and let’s be honest why shouldn’t she for HER children?!
Its about finding something that keeps everyone happy, not just saying OP’s wants and feelings don’t matter!

Feelings don’t matter? Time will tell.

Do your kids at home, for example Christmas eve and the others on Christmas day. This will save a lot of questions from the others.

Does your mil think the kids think they're from.father xmas?

I would do a stocking at home with the gifts your kids want, and let MIL continue to do the generic stockings for all of the kids at her house. I would then explain to my kids that FC does the same/similar stockings when a bunch of cousins are together, but their individualized presents from him will be at home. I wouldn't tell MIL any of this, but I would let the other parents know in case they wanted to do something similar.

As a kid we usually went to my grandparents with the wider family and I loved it. It was all about having everyone round and the buzz of a busy house for me. When it became quieter it definitely took some of the magic out of it. Also think it is too late to change traditions now. Traditions are something that you are used to doing and are what the children will remember. A change now will be noticeable and may not be as well received

All the "your children your stocking" replies are missing the value of this super successful communal Christmas experience - it sounds lovely. But yes it's awkward that is the stocking from Santa, when your children are writing to santa.

Surely your kids write letters to Santa. Send her photos of their letters and links to things they specifically want. Say you are happy to bring them for her if they aren’t an easy purchase on Amazon.

I would - & have - institute the Christmas Eve Box. Nice new pyjamas (I usually buy them in red rather than with reindeers or Santas, so they are 'festive' but not so xmassy as to feel weird wearing them all winter), a bubble bath, & the stocking type gifts you'd choose to give them.

Then they can play with those toys at 6am, then go downstairs to Grandma's Stockings with the cousins.

I might make more of a fight of it without the cousins in the mix, but as it's a family tradition for all of them I wouldn't rock the boat...for all you know the BIL/SILs really like not having to arse about with stockings, so it's not worth pissing them off as well as MIL!

This works well for my family as I'm overseas with the kids (now aged 17-21 but still) & they generally spend Xmas with their dad's family, with whom I have no contact. No one's treading on anyone's toes - & if I wanted to be petty about it, I know the boxes are their favourite bit...again because their dgm doesn't really know what they'd like. They still like it that they get a stocking from her - they find the cringey contents really quite sweet.

I'd have thought it would be worse for your DC to watch their cousins have grandma stockings and be left out. You have allowed the tradition of your in laws Christmas for years, and like it or not, that IS now the tradition when you do Christmas at theirs. I don't think its fair on DC to force them to miss out on part of it. There's nothing stopping you doing them a stocking as well. Adults shouldn't be making slight irritations into insurmountable problems. You've let this situation occur and I think its too late to stop it without causing fuss and drama. Just find a work around.

Sneak down in the middle of the night and put a few items into your own childrens stockings and maybe even the cousins as well. Put some some fake snowflakes on the floor around the stockings.
Then never confess to anybody, even to your dh that it was you.

I think YABU to shuffle 3 kids to other people’s houses for Christmas. I don’t know / didn’t read all OP’s posts how often OP’s parents see the kids. Regardless, you don’t owe a person who can be bothered with you once a year a Christmas or any other major holiday visit. If the PIL want to see your family, they can do so on different day of the year or visit you.
i wouldn’t be ok my DC to not celebrate major holidays in their home and not to have my own family traditions.

I'd just make up some nonsense about Santa making sure all stockings are the same when families have Christmas together, to keep things equal and fair. It would annoy me though! As long as DC get what is on their list, I'm sure they won't mind if it's in a stocking or under the tree or from your parents etc.