MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

I just can't get my head around all of the drama about a stocking......

I know MILs are not generally well liked on MN but really if there are 10 cousins staying over at Christmas I actually think grandma doing the stockings is a great idea (as long as she treats them all equally).
It means no children get 'less', if one parent can afford to put a Tiffany necklace in their child's stocking but another parent is struggling to afford a Primark necklace it levels the playing field on the morning (perhaps grandma knows one set of parents are not as well off as the rest?)

Even if none of this is the case I don't think its such a huge deal, they are just stockings.

Could you do your own at home as a surprise for when you get back? Say Santa visited your house too and left a little stocking.

I was surprised when I had children how much my parents wanted to control how Christmas went. My in laws also have their ideas about how Christmas should be. I feel like I’m pulled in different directions by everyone’s expectations.

...but you can see that they are a big deal to many other people.

They are a big deal to me (and DH, luckily), a big deal to OP and obviously a big deal to MIL.

I honestly would never have accepted this. You don’t get the declare what you do for other peoples children on Christmas! But… if you’re not looking to tell her to fuck off, then a more diplomatic way would be to explain there are specific things he’s looking for this year and you’ll bring them with you so grandma can put them in the stocking.

It’s your family and your kids. Do their stockings and do what you want at Christmas!! Honestly you don’t get it back. don’t sacrifice your families happiness and memories for the sake of people pleasing someone the kids see once a year.

Every other year your children (who aren't babies) are finding it difficult to cope with Granny's duff stockings from Father Christmas and they also find it difficult to wait 3 hours to open the duff 'FC' stockings

Honestly? They need to suck it up. It's one tiny weeny part of Christmas which isn't as they'd like it. It's truly no biggie

Take them out for a walk 8 til 9

From 6 til 8 start a special Christmas game tradition which you only play at Grannies on 25/12

I never understand people not having a Christmas at home.
Middle of winter visiting people and not even allowed to make stockings for your children.
Madness.
Stockings were always the favourite part of Christmas here, full of things that they miggt have mentioned, or things i knew they'd love.
I still do them even though they are adults.

i agree it’s nice that the kids get parity from their grandparents.

The point for parents is the actual gift surely - not what the gift comes in. In a stocking or not, a carefully selected present still matters!

I'd go with this idea - 'oh look kids, santa came here too' or some such comment. Kids in car to leave, you or DH pop back in for a last minute wee and stick the stockings on their bed or wherever for when you're home.

Why do your DH's parents only see you and your children once a year? It doesn't sound as though you have a proper relationship with them and they obviously know nothing about your children and what they like and don't like.

Do you have to go and spend Christmas with them every other year? They can't be that bothered about their grandchildren if they don't bother with them the rest of the year.

If you have to go, can't you add some things to your children's stockings? It sounds like a pretty joyless Christmas for you and your kids if you have to abide by their rules.

It’s due to similar things I eventually said I wanted Christmas at home after years of spending alternative Christmas’s between our parents. I love it and we then visit parents before / in between and the kids love it as they have lots of Christmas’s .

We have invited them to ours but this only happened once as both sets like Christmas how they like it which made me realise there’s nothing wrong with us liking it how we want it either.

Tell her

The children are changing and growing older and have particular interests, likes and dislikes we're very familiar with.

We already have a selection of stocking gifts they really want.

We'll add those to their stockings.

We don't want you wasting money on gifts they won't use.

If she refuses, just bring the kids' stockings and have a private, discreet family opening in their bedroom.

Explain to the children that these are the stockings they'd have at home.

Maybe you could consider having Christmas in your own home next year?

Just explain that you've heard them talk about a couple of things they'd like for Xmas, and can you please add them to her stockings? If she or you want to buy them, that's fine by you - all good. They are of an age now that they would express something like that and literally spell it out to her that it's best to get them something they would like.

I would continue with the upstairs stocking you’ve made and then call Grandma’s stockings Grandma’s stocking.

Ah, I think this sounds so lovely for the kids. Growing up having Christmas together and sharing stocking opening with their cousin besties….they will have really special memories for life.

I stopped at the phrase ‘hear me out’, sorry. Can’t bear it, such a pompous, performative phrase. I’m already reading, don’t boss me around, just get on with the story.

Your 9 year old doesn’t believe in Santa. Honestly this is one of the reasons why the faff of Santa is such an issue- the sticking is from you or grandma anyway and if you could just say that- it would make everything a whole lot easier. Here is your stocking from us before you down to the stocking downstairs from grandma.

cant you just give your stocking presents in a wee Xmas sack from you anyway and the kids get the wee things they enjoy? Or just say to grandma you’re doing your own.

How about getting some presents yourself and adding to the grandma stocking? Something you know your kids will like, and maybe something little for the cousins too so noone can say it isnt fair, and just say to grandma as its the last year your eldest probably believes you wanted to be a part of it?

She had her turn to do stockings with her own children, it’s time to hand the reins over now. I doubt she’ll see reason, though…

How do you know the 9 year old doesn’t believe?

I can see that it is nice when the grandchildren are all together for them all to have the same stocking.
We tended to have Christmas at my parents every year, 500 miles away and stopping at the inlaws half way for a few days on the way there and back. It would have been a real hassle to take presents etc with us so we had what we called our 'Family Christmas' before we went.
We wrote to Santa to let him know then we had a whole Christmas Day full of our own traditions. Then when we went away we were happy to do things how everyone else wanted with no resentment as we already had done everything the way we wanted.
We gave the children presents from us at our Family Christmas and then they got so much from Grandparents, aunts and uncles that it was nice to spread it out.
Worked really well for us and when we decided to stop travelling for Christmas it didn't seem strange as we already had all our own traditions just a novelty to do them actually on Christmas Day.

She has had her time doing stockings for her own children.

Tell her no.

I'm so confused. Do they not write a letter to Santa with what they want for Christmas? Is the stocking an extra to their Santa presents or is it the Santa presents?

This is why we spent every single Christmas day on our own! I suggest you do the same and see them at different times throughout the year.