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Original poster

MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

365 replies

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:07

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 13/10/2025 06:40

just give the tamagotchi from yourself
let her do the stockings, it sounds far easier
sounds lovely with all the 10 cousins together, they will remember that far more than whether they got a tamagotchi in their stocking

värskekapsas · 13/10/2025 07:40

maybe you could do christmas eve box instead? so not quite stocking but can put all the same things in there?

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 13/10/2025 07:43

Just put the tamagotchi under the tree? Just because it can fit in a stocking surely doesn't mean it has to?

Judecb · 13/10/2025 08:03

This would be a very hard no for me. Doing my children's stockings was one of the most important part of Christmas for me. Tell her she can contribute if she wants, but YOU are doing them.

thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2025 08:11

Bec1968 · 12/10/2025 19:49

So shes not allowed to prioritise herself because she has grandchildren. She's had 5 children herself, brought them up, why shouldn't she go on holidays or travel during the year. She might not have been able to do that while bringing up her children.

Living 4-5 hours away i guess is also an issue, OP said she does easter too .. she keeps in touch via what's ap etc ..

Im a grandma too .. to a 9 year old & a 1 year old. 8 year old lives litrelly 4 min car drive away & I see her twice maybe more times a week. She comes for tea on a Wednesday when I pick her up from school, and before her mum stopped working, I would have had her daily for her mum to work.

My 1 year old granddaughter lives 1.5 hours away, and I only see her once, or twice a month because I simply cannot drive that far everyday after I have done a day's work ...

So being a grandma is very important for me BUT I also understand that some families arnet the same. If it were me, I know I would be hurt if the tradition we had for the past 9 years was being taken from me ..

Maybe OP could take some small gifts to 'add' into the stocking .. but then that would cause upset to the other 10 cousins .. if OP were to bring their own stockings ... then the other grandchildren are gonna see .. so in my opinion just stick to tradition every other year, its not like its every week.

Show quote history

Of course OP's MIL is allowed to prioritise herself, even if it means that she only sees her grandchildren once a year. What it doesn't do is give her special privileges because she only sees them once a year. The stockings tradition is all about MIL and what she wants. She could use her stockings but let the parents choose some of the gifts. OP is obviously worried about bringing this up so I would imagine that her MIL isn't the easiest of people so OP feels under pressure to conform and let MIL have her own way.

LLM21 · 13/10/2025 08:20

Could you suggest that you will bring the gifts for her to use in her Stockings?

Seebothsides60 · 13/10/2025 09:45

Just let MIL do the stockings and give your kids the extra stuff you wanted to be in them as presents. Most kids are only concerned with what they actually receive. Mine wouldnt have cared less what was in a stocking, as long as they had gifts they liked as well. I feel you are being petty and need to get over this.

LilacReader · 13/10/2025 10:00

Does MIL live so far away that you can't just drive to hers in the morning? My favourite part of Christmas when the kids were young was first thing in the morning - watching them opening their stockings. So, even if it meant waking up extra early to be able to travel to her house, I would have to watch my boys open their stockings from me first.

T1Dmama · 13/10/2025 10:14

This is so tough @Gagamama2 you can’t say the stocking from Grandma is from Grandma if all the cousins stockings are from Santa.
Could you maybe wrap the presents you would have put in their stockings and just leave at the foot of the beds for them from Santa? Tell the others in advance that you’re going to give yours a couple of presents to open from Santa in their rooms, use the excuse that they wake up at 6am and you want them to have something for the 3 hours before everyone else wakes!….

just a

‘Hey everyone, can’t wait to see you all at Christmas. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up that we will be getting our kids small presents to open in bedrooms before we all go downstairs to open main ones and stockings. I know when we did this before the other children were confused so just wanted to give everyone a bit of notice this year that this will be happening again this Christmas, so if you wanted to you can get yours something small to wake up to too…. It will also give my early risers something to occupy them while waiting for the rest of the house to awaken. ‘

Any push back from anyone, simply say.

‘Sorry but our kids wake to a stocking in their rooms, it’s a tradition that we want to continue doing every year regardless of where we are. Thanks’

Or get your husband to ring his mum and simply tell her that your kiddies will be opening a couple of small gifts as soon as they wake up in their rooms at hers and that it’s not something you both want to compromise on going forward, as your kids have to sit on their hands for 3 hours every Christmas waiting for others to wake up and it isn’t fair on them!

if anyone says it’s not fair on the other kids, point out that the reason you’re telling them upfront is so that they can buy their kids small token gift to put at end of bed too! Then it’s their choice whether to or not !

Pr1mr0se · 13/10/2025 10:19

Why don't you talk to her about it soon and give her some guidance on what your children like so the stockings are genuinely personal/ useful / appreciated gifts? Or you could send some small items for it in the post to her house and make it a collaborative effort.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 13/10/2025 10:30

Blimey, the amount of people saying that the Mother-in-Law should be left to do the children's stockings is bizarre. Why, when she's already brought up her own children, and, probably, given them many stockings over the years, should she then be allowed to take over something the OP would clearly love to do herself?
Some parents love to do that stuff themselves, and the grandparents need to realise that they've had their opportunity to do this stuff. If they didn't do it when their own kids were growing up, why on earth should they be given that chance now?
Utterly bizarre the way some people on this thread seem to think that a grandparent's needs should be considered over the actual parents'.

Paganpentacle · 13/10/2025 10:44

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:11

Well I was thinking of doing this but all the grandkids are now that bit older that it will def create questions, not least from my own kids! Like why do we have two stockings? And I’m sure they would mention to their cousins they got an extra stocking then there would be more questions. There are 10 cousins and they are all besties

Show quote history

Your kids can have as many stockings as YOU want them to have.

VeneziaJ · 13/10/2025 12:36

Sounds like MIL is taking over a bit! How do the other DIL/SIL’s feel about it? Surely out of 5 siblings and partners you cant be the only one who would like to do their own childs gifts? Maybe speak to the others and see what other people think?

Pumpkin71 · 13/10/2025 14:43

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:07

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

Ask her how much joy she got from doing it when her own children were small then gently say that you’re missing out on experiencing that yourself and would like to do stockings for your children your way.

Autumnleaffall · 13/10/2025 15:52

Oh dear, MIL’s are are getting too stereotyped on this thread.

almay · 13/10/2025 17:05

I think it’s kind of sad that your children don’t get what they’ve asked Santy for from him. Defeats the purpose really!

MyLittleNest · 13/10/2025 17:09

They are YOUR children and you shouldn't even have to negotiate anything about your decisions with a grandparent. She had her fun with her own kids. It's your turn now.

You only get so many Christmases with your children when they are still children. Why hand one more over to another woman?

From what I've read, you have already sacrificed enough. You can never get those moments back and trust me as a mom of a teen who let an overbearing grandmother rob the first eight christmases....you WILL regret not reclaiming all the traditions you want as your own.

Don't feel guilty. The regret you will feel will far exceed any guilt.

ShamedBySiri · 13/10/2025 17:15

The more I think about it the more I think OP is frankly pretty ungrateful. Mil hosts a huge Christmas for 20+ people. Presumably money isn’t an issue but still there is a LOT to organise. Decorations. Food. Sleeping arrangements.
How much do any of the adult guests contribute - either in kind eg baking the Christmas cake or mince pies to bring or in practical help when there?
The children have a fantastic time running around a huge house with each other, building lifelong relationships and memories.
I think it is very sensible of mil to do largely similar stockings for all, it avoids any jealousy.

OP either bring one small item per child as requested of Santa and say to mil that they wrote such a sweet letter requesting x would she mind adding it to their stocking. Or do your own stocking for them to find when you return home and make up some guff about wondering if Santa realised you would be away.

And make each of your kids write a proper nicely written thank you letter to add to the envelope containing your thank your own letter when you get home.

Life is too short for all this drama. Who knows what the next two years will bring? Be grateful for the happiness your mil seeks to give at this time.

LuLuLemonDrizzleCake · 13/10/2025 17:17

Just do a stocking and leave it at your house for the kids to open when you all get back from the in laws. That will be a nice surprise for them to get back to.

Original poster
Gagamama2 · 13/10/2025 18:40

We wash our own bedding when we leave the house. We ALL cook the Christmas dinner together (MIL doesn’t help with this anymore). Each family has a night of cooking in the lead up to and after Christmas Day so actually no hosting is really needed. Mil and fil are not hosting type people (which actually I prefer) so there’s no “what would you like to drink?” Etc like there would be at my parents house. We all keep the kitchen clean and tidy, do the dishwasher etc. The kids all put up the Christmas tree a few days before Christmas. Apart from that and some outside lights that stay up all year there’s no real Christmas decorations up so there’s no prepping the house.

that you would think 25 people would descend on the house and expect a 70 year old to wait on them hand and foot is laughable 😂. That’s not the type of family we are.

and thanks for the tip about the thank you letter but mine have been writing them since they could hold a pencil. And before that I wrote them for them.

OP posts:
schoolrundashsprint · 13/10/2025 20:15

Our children have two stockings every year. One from us and one from my parents. It's not a problem. The children open our stockings on the bed and their grandparents stockings in the living room. My mum makes adult stockings too and when my dh remembers to do one then I also get two stockings too Grin. He always gets one from me and another from my mum. Nothing extravagant, but useful, practical gifts.

It's hard with navigating these things, but see if your dh can get on board with the idea of a stocking tradition, explain why this is a lasting memory the children will have of Christmas morning and that's why it's important to you. Maybe he'll be more on board with supporting you with this rather than focusing on the gifts you'd prefer mil filled her stockings with. It's just a different way of presenting how you're feeling but ultimately makes the point you want to get across.

Autumnleaffall · 13/10/2025 21:45

Christmas is about sharing and love, not selfishness. Why shouldn’t MIL relive some of the joy, just a little. How would you feel in years to come if you were excluded?

Christmaschildcare · 14/10/2025 09:41

Gosh people are better than I am, you’d have to wrestle my children’s stockings out of my
cold dead hands 😆

Askingforafriendtoday · 14/10/2025 09:41

schoolrundashsprint · 13/10/2025 20:15

Our children have two stockings every year. One from us and one from my parents. It's not a problem. The children open our stockings on the bed and their grandparents stockings in the living room. My mum makes adult stockings too and when my dh remembers to do one then I also get two stockings too Grin. He always gets one from me and another from my mum. Nothing extravagant, but useful, practical gifts.

It's hard with navigating these things, but see if your dh can get on board with the idea of a stocking tradition, explain why this is a lasting memory the children will have of Christmas morning and that's why it's important to you. Maybe he'll be more on board with supporting you with this rather than focusing on the gifts you'd prefer mil filled her stockings with. It's just a different way of presenting how you're feeling but ultimately makes the point you want to get across.

This

DappledThings · 14/10/2025 09:43

Christmaschildcare · 14/10/2025 09:41

Gosh people are better than I am, you’d have to wrestle my children’s stockings out of my
cold dead hands 😆

Other way round for me. All of you who care about it are better people than me for not seeing it just as another chore you'd be happy to palm off!