MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

Do your own regardless. Don’t stop her, your children and DH might not thank you for it. There is no rule to say you can only receive 1 stocking.

The most baffling thing about this thread for me is the definition of Christmas stockings.
I've never done them as I hate waste. I've just bought main presents for kids/grandchildren.
I thought a stocking was a small thing to stuff sweets, fruit maybe bubble bath small toy. I didn't realise stockings meant everything a child put on their Xmas list.
OP hasn't come back to define it, others seem to be infering stockings are the whole set of presents?
When I was a kid we had a stocking with sweets and fruit and coins or chocolate coins.
A pillowcase for presents like Sindy dolls ( yes I'm that old) and bigger presents were in the room possibly assembled.

My mil used to come with presents that I would define as stocking fillers which was nice of her but too much packaging for my taste.

So to me it's the parents job to ensure the list is fulfilled and presents that anybody else chooses to give are extra?
Have I been doing it wrong?
Surely OP is buying the main presents?

And if I hadn't had loving, involved, kind grandparents we wouldn't have received anything at Christmas. And all my childhood Christmas good memories are of my grandparents home.

Do kids think or go along with the stockings are from grandma or father Xmas ?

It’s probably very kindly meant, but ask to either add your stuff to it so it’s personalised or just say you’ll fill your DCs. Not worth falling out over but equally if you don’t like it you can say so.

I,m not quite understanding this… we buy sacks and fill with toys,games, chocs,books etc to open xmas Morning, we,ve never done a stocking, is this for beside the bed xmas eve for nicknacs! if m.i.l is,providing pressies in a stocking, fantastic,lucky kids.. luckymyou to have a considerable m.i.l…then they have two lots to open, not understanding the palava?

In our family, stockings, or small sacks are left at the end of the beds, father Christmas comes in overnight and fills them, when you wake up, you feel the weight on your feet and know 'he's been'.

The DC write letters to FC for smallish things; a small lego set, some plastic figure from a show they like, Harry Potter (or whatever) stationery.

We also fill with pants, socks and Pyjamas that they need, so it is not at all wasteful.

All the stuff downstairs is under the tree before Christmas and is from parents, family members and friends.

Because we save up a lot of stuff we would need to buy them anyway to put in the stocking, we get slightly more expensive PJs with characters or branded stuff so they are genuinely pleased with it.

My mil used to always say to the grandchildren “oh let’s see what Santa left for you here”. I soon put a stop to that, Santa only delivers gifts to our house, the one we wake up in on Christmas morning, any other gifts are from that person. Kids used to say “ silly *granny” 😂

Just let granny do it. You can still give them presents and do other traditions.

I’m torn on this one.

If your PILs have a big family get-together every other year and enjoy giving everyone stockings. I wouldn’t make it a big deal. It’s a lovely memory for the DC. They’re lucky to have big family gatherings. The GP’s stocking gifts could be explained away to the DC by saying GPs ordered the stockings from Santa because you’re staying at their home. Then, give the ‘stocking gifts’ your DC have asked for as part of your gifts, so they can open them as soon as they wake.

On the other hand, sounds like MIL is viewing it as her one big family and doing what she’s always done, perhaps without giving enough thought to the needs of the individual family units and the traditions they’re creating.

It’s your DH who should have a gentle word with his parents to try to find some compromises. If your gifts must be in stockings, could you buy some of the PILs stocking gifts, delivered to their home to include, if that won’t be unfair to other GCs.

Once kids are teenagers and young adults, they prefer to spend Xmas in their own home so they can have a bit of their own space and see friends. So, try to enjoy the big extended get-togethers while you can.

This is a brilliant idea!

Just coming back to say thank you for all the replies, there are far too many for me to individually reply. I really just wanted a show of hands as to how people felt about the whole thing and it’s surprised me how 50/50 it is…if it had been unanimously “your mil is being unreasonable” then I would have had more confidence to bring it up with her but given the responses I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do. But that was the whole point of the thread so thank you.

answers to questions that have been repeatedly asked:

1. we live 4 hours drive away so can’t do Christmas morning at ours.
2. yes my parents in law live in a ridiculously big house that can fit all 20-something of us when everyone is together
3. because of this i can’t offer to host instead as there would be nowhere for anyone to stay
4. The stockings my mil does are from Father Christmas and no one else’s kid gets an extra one. My children all currently believe in FC, even the 9 year old (who is AuDHD if that makes a difference)
5. Stockings in our house have stuff off the kids lists in them that are smaller and can fit in. Eg my daughter has been asking for a tamagotchi and I’m sure that will be on her list when she writes it, so I would put that in there even if it isn’t a super low value item. It’s just small enough to fit. Last year my son had a (knockoff but looked legit) football kit in his which he wanted and was so excited for. Etc etc. items on the list that are too big for the stocking / big ticket items go under the tree and are given by us. Maybe 3 or so per child.

YANBU. I would hate this alternating between grandparents houses. Don’t you ever spend Christmas at home? Tell her you want to do your kids stockings. Your MIL had her chance to set up Christmas traditions with her children. Now is time for you to set up your own. Tell her beforehand in case it causes issues with cousins.

Erm... it gives her pleasure it gives the grandkids pleasure, what's the big deal?
Can you do your own for your child before you go and explain that FC visits all houses? Children keep up the pretence of 'believing' for a long time, trust me as a mum of 5 adult kids...they've told me

For heaven sake let her have that small pleasure and give her a heads up in a kind way about what to include unless it

Is your intention to hurt her.

I’d let the elves deliver a pre-Christmas stocking to home. Make up a story about why they do that. You can have your own little thing before you leave.

I think perhaps a bit of it is the “pressure” for the stockings to be special as it’s the only thing Santa leaves for your kids ? With their cousins is that the same ? Or do they get gifts under the tree from Santa too ? Just wondering is there an explanation you could use there about extra stocking gifts or another stocking at home because you guys buy the “big” items and so Santa gave extra stockings as you’re getting bigger / you’re so good etc
in terms of any potential disappointment with the stocking contents at MILs house you could
chat about how you’ve noticed Santa likes to keep them very similar and fair when they are alltogether with their big cousin family so there’s no jealousy etc … this might manage expectations ? And maybe if you want to keep the peace and let MIL do the stockings for all, then you or Santa may have to leave some additional gifts under the tree or the other stocking at your house ?

How long are you at MIL’s for Christmas? Is it just Christmas Day or a few days? When do you give your children their main presents from you and dad? Can’t you make their stocking and leave it at home to open when you get back?

I'd hang mine downstairs and open them in public so everyone can see how to do a good stocking.

I'd also start staying home 50% of Christmas Days because you all deserve your own Christmas traditions.

What a lovely tradition for her to keep up. Don't stop it it would be a huge loss.

Could you leave a stocking hung up at your home so the kids find it on their return?

Random woman lol
Hardly
What a strange way to look at it

I think people should be grateful for the family that they have. I would have loved to have gone to grandparents for Christmas and received a lovely stocking that was filled with lovely things. Your children won't be little forever so I think you should let your MIL enjoy this time to do something with them like that and plus she won't be around forever either so I think you should cut her some slack. Maybe this tradition that she has with the stockings is something that she looks forward to all year and makes her Christmas that bit special too. If your children enjoy it then I don't see she's doing any harm. There are a lot worse things that could happen. Merry Christmas everyone 🎁 🎄

I have been so overinvested in this thread. But work was a bit slow yesterday!
So much so I read it out to DH to see what he thought.
Sorry OP on the face of your posts he thinks you just are a bit peeved with mil. He thinks you are making a non problem and could just give your kids a stocking before you go / when you get back/ while you are there.
Leave mil to get on with making her stockings and don't rock the boat as the family memories are what's important. Or just end things and have Xmas at home.

I have sympathy with you simply because mil isn't really involved with the kids the rest of the year. Visiting maybe feels like a chore/summons. But I personally wouldn't kick up a fuss. Have you not spoken to sister in laws about how their kids are changing as they get older?
Personally I would do a Christmas day at home before you go if work permits so the kids know they're getting what they asked for and you're not carting a car load of stuff up and down the country.

Honestly Mil obviously doesn’t have to scrimp and save for Christmas. Does she do all the cooking? Or how is that organised with so many people present?
The most important thing is the children alll forming their cousin tribe and having a great time which will be a lifelong gift for them long after mil and their own parents have gone. Enjoy being saved all the pressure of catering, have a good time and be grateful. You’ll miss this when your mil isn’t up to it anymore.
If you must have stockings at home that Santa left as he didn’t know you were away.