MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

Shes had her time being mum and bringing magic to her children’s lives. This is your time, why are you allowing her to have this? It’s absolutely a hill I’d die on. We stay home and we do our own thing, in our way. Others can visit if they wish but Christmas if for us and our children. When my kids have their kids, it will be about them and we will fit in with them.

Go to Mil and FIL on boxing day instead. Problem solved!!

Silly Santa has cocked up. When all the car is loaded to go, you have forgotten something. Go back in, put the stockings out and then leave. Go to Grans. Come back a few days later. Act shocked at Santa- Poor Santa must of been so busy he didn't realise that you weren't home. Stockings more personalised explained for doubters as they were delivered to your house rather than random house. You can spend a lovely time opening stockings, playing with new things. Bonus extra presents for children. Everyone happy- kids happy, you're happy, Granny happy ( and Granny does not need to know). Then it is another 2 years before you have the same problem again which by then the younger ones might have forgotten about Santas cock up!!

Maybe many on here do donate to charities at Christmas. Many kids get a lot for Xmas it's the way of the world if you want it to be. Or it's one of life's pleasures - adults buying gifts for kids. Or don't .
The thread isn't really about how much it's the dynamics. OP said she doesn't like mil doing the stocking because the gifts may go to waste.

I really hate this attitude, its so mean spirited, being a nan is a time of bringing magic into a child's life without having to be the bad guy!
My dc adored their grandparents and all my friends have started to having grandchildren and they are finding it such a special time in their lives.

I don't get it. Just have 2 stocking. It's literally presents in a fabric

I think I’d give them a pre stocking before you leave for MILs.

But I think our approach to Father Christmas has always been a bit vague. My mum had occasionally done mine and extra stocking and they knew it was from her and no one was bothered.

Also it allows me to say “I don’t know I can’t keep track of all the presents” when they badger me as to whether FC is real 😂

So I think it’s best if everyone relaxes about other that includes the MIL!

What do the other families think about MiL doing the stocking & how fo they manage this? I see the importance of trying to keep the cousins similar in terms of gifts if they’re all opening them together. I guarantee if you raise this, other parents will feel the same & you can come up with an alternative plan that still allows MiL some involvement.

Ah the annual MN batshittery where someone's overstepped some unspoken boundary and everyone froths at her unbelievable fucking CHEEK. It's almost always an older women who's being frothed about and the poor bugger doesn't know anything about it as no-one's ever mentioned it and she probably thinks she's doing something nice. Merry effing Christmas everyone!

I couldn't agree more.

Some people are so easily offended.

This is such a non event first world problem and not a hill I would die on.

I can't think of any more clichés.

Absolutely tell her this year you would like to do your own stocking. Perhaps say it's your last ever year of DC1 believing and you don't want to pass that excitement of doing the stocking for someone else to enjoy.
Also - off topic but haven't you ever wanted a Christmas in your own home with your kids - that way you can do stockings etc your own way.

You’d have a point if OP hadn’t got into trouble for having the audacity to give her own child a stocking on Christmas morning because the “poor old bugger” can’t tolerate having anything less than everything at Christmas being exactly her way.

Where does it say that? All I can see in OP's post is that when she did a second stocking it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions which doesn’t suggest anyone got in trouble or the MIL was herself put out.

She didn't get into trouble she chose to sneak about hiding it instead of saying hey my kids wake up early so they can have their presents from us then and grannies at 9am.
She really is making a problem out of nothing. It's been a drip feed. But I just think it's completely bonkers to go for Christmas to someone you only see once a year because they have a busy life doing their own thing. Must be weird.

You want this to resolve withiut any form of communication or potential conflict.

Ok.

’frothed’?

FFS

& it’s hardly an ‘unspoken’ convention that parents who choose to do the santa tradition provide the gifts for DC.

I would do a Xmas eve book instead so your kids have the little bits personal to them and leave the stocking that year, may cause issues between cousins and with grandma and just not worth it.

Instead of stocking could you do a present box Christmas morning from yourselves so kids can open bits and play with them before going downstairs to open stockings

I don't think you can guarantee that. I personally would be perfectly unfussed - quite pleased, indeed- if someone else did my children's christmas stockings. While I'm not surprised that some people like doing it more than I do, I am genuinely amazed that anyone sees it as 'the best part of parenting', let alone the multiple people on this thread!

Completely agree. I just see it as a chore I don't have to cover so no, if OP raised it with me I wouldn't be in agreement with her at all and would be a bit annoyed I know had to do something extra. OP can do the extra bit if she wants to. It's so not an issue

Why question her? The absolute insanity of “questioning” a woman buying her own kids fucking Christmas stocking is wild.

I assumed it was questions from the other child, not from another adult.

She’s clearly been made to feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome to buy her own kids Christmas stockings.
That’s not ok

That's not how I've read OP's limited posts. I've read it as she thinks the cousins might realise they are getting less and be annoyed but she doesn't know that. She thinks MIL might be hurt if she rejects her stocking but doesn't know that. It's all mountain out of a molehill. If she wants to biy extra stuff and stick it in MIL's stocking she should just do it if it matters that much to her.

I doubt MIL sees it as the power play it's being portrayed as but just a nice thing she's doing.