MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

Did your MIL get to do ALL her children's stockings when she was the mother of young children? If yes, then she is waaaaay overstepping. (If no, she is also overstepping, but it's more understandable).

You could offer to solve this problem by no longer going to her house for Christmas. She probably wouldn't like this but the compromise would be that you go, but you do the stockings for your own kids.

I agree. They are your children - you get to do the stocking. Mil can give them an “extra” stocking if she likes. I’d try and keep the real stocking (your one) hidden, but there’s no need to worry if your children talk about it. If any of the other children ask about it just act casual. You don’t know why they got two stockings, basically. There are no hard and fast rules about what Father Christmas may or may not do.

Making your kids the brat cousins!

Just say I've brought the kids presents that they asked Santa for. They will open them when they wake up as that's what we want to do.

Can I just say, as a Granny I do the stockings. I suggested it to my three girls and their DHs. They were all thrilled that I’d relieved them of one less stress at Christmas. I make up eight stockings for ages between five and ten. I’m not going to lie, it’s a struggle and I start looking out for little bits and bobs in the January sales. I also look for stuff when I’m on holiday too. The children know the stockings are made up by Granny and the parents are happy because the stocking opening happens in the dead of night, giving them a little extra time in bed.

There must be a compromise here somewhere OP?

Then they all need to chat like I said earlier. It’s not unreasonable to change the status quo, it is to only do so for 3/10 children.

When we travel to MIL for xmas every other year, I let her do what she wants and then when we get home Santa has aways left something at our house and we do our own thing. The kids love it and I get to do what I want.

Can you do them and leave them at home, so when you come home, Santa has left them an extra one to open.

Was going to say leave one at home for when they go home after christmas

I love doing my kids stockings and wouldn’t let anyone take over that. But both my ex MIL (bitch) and my current MIL (lovely) love(d) to do them for my kids too. So they do. Like a bonus one. Always been the way and I can live with this because mine are better. ExMIL scoffed at me for always putting pants and socks in the stockings (it’s a sort of tradition from my own childhood) but she put toothpaste in her ones for the kids. Weirdo.

I would keep it as light as possible but no nonsense: tell her I’ll be sorting my kids stockings this year.

Erm... it gives her pleasure it gives the grandkids pleasure, what's the big deal?
Can you do your own for your child before you go and explain that FC visits all houses? Children keep up the pretence of 'believing' for a long time, trust me as a mum of 5 adult kids...they've told me

As my DC’s got older our trick was if we ever had to endure someone else's Christmas Day, we’d still have our own Christmas Day too where we do all the things our way. It would usually be on Boxing Day or the day after.

As grandma only sees them once a year, weather its her choice or not) let her have the stocking .. she enjoys sewing them, the run up to christmas is exciting for her, she obviously loves doing this part ...

Grandma wont always be here and in years to come wont your children remember the fact that grandma loved doing that, and they loved receiving...

Im on grandma's side sorry x

If she doesn't like how mil does Christmas she has the option of staying home and doing her own Christmas. Perhaps moving the event to her house. Just a thought

I disagree. As OP's MIL puts herself first throughout the year, prioritising travel and holidays over seeing her grandchildren, I'm not sure why she should have priority over OP when it coming to choosing the gifts for the Christmas stocking. OP knows what her children would like, MIL doesn't care.

These replies are mad to me. I would bite anyone's hand off if they offered to take some of the Christmas admin off me!

But OP if you really are set on doing your own then do one for at home and let MIL do one for at hers. Doesn't need to be a big deal.

Tell her you are doing them.

Do them at home.

It's not that big.

I hated this with my mil, it was really overstepping and very insensitive of her. I just did a stocking first and then the extra one was from the grandmother. It caused problems once when another grandchild didn’t have a second stocking, but honestly it’s the parent role NOT the grandparent. I am sorry for you as it caused me a lot of stress and I resented that. My mil stopped when the children were teenagers so she just did it while it was fun. Father Christmas doesn’t do that!

So shes not allowed to prioritise herself because she has grandchildren. She's had 5 children herself, brought them up, why shouldn't she go on holidays or travel during the year. She might not have been able to do that while bringing up her children.

Living 4-5 hours away i guess is also an issue, OP said she does easter too .. she keeps in touch via what's ap etc ..

Im a grandma too .. to a 9 year old & a 1 year old. 8 year old lives litrelly 4 min car drive away & I see her twice maybe more times a week. She comes for tea on a Wednesday when I pick her up from school, and before her mum stopped working, I would have had her daily for her mum to work.

My 1 year old granddaughter lives 1.5 hours away, and I only see her once, or twice a month because I simply cannot drive that far everyday after I have done a day's work ...

So being a grandma is very important for me BUT I also understand that some families arnet the same. If it were me, I know I would be hurt if the tradition we had for the past 9 years was being taken from me ..

Maybe OP could take some small gifts to 'add' into the stocking .. but then that would cause upset to the other 10 cousins .. if OP were to bring their own stockings ... then the other grandchildren are gonna see .. so in my opinion just stick to tradition every other year, its not like its every week.

Tbh id just let her do the stockings. Anything you are intending on putting in your own kids just wrap up as extra gifts or something. It's one less thing to worry about and in a way quite a nice gesture.

Sounds like the stockings are for MIL's benefit because she enjoys doing them, and she's not bothered about what the children would actually like to receive. I would find this very annoying and would do my own mini Father Christmas delivery for DCs to have in their bedroom first thing, so they got things they wanted. If there was any push back I'd just ignore it - you are allowed to buy your own children Christmas presents.

It’s a stocking. I’ve never seen anyone make so much fuss about a stocking! Our kids stockings - and now our grandchildren's are full of funny stuff - tangerine, £5 note, chocolate coins, book, puzzle toy, balloons to blow up etc. my Dm started the tradition over 60 years ago and we’ve carried it on to our kids delight.
Christmas with family is all about shared moments; opening granny’s stockings on Christmas morning every other year is a lovely shared memory that the children will remember for years to come.

I haven’t read other responses but for me an immediate issue is the fact that by insisting on doing your children’s stockings your MIL in taking something really precious away from you. You only have 1 childhood and your children will grow up fast , it’s not something you’ll get a chance to do again as their mother once they are grown adults. At least not in the same „magical” way when you experience their joy and excitement as young children.
if it was me I would very strongly say MIL thank you but you have already raised 5 children, you got to experience this many times, now I would like to be able to experience the same with my dc.

Why don't you phone your MIL and tell her what your DC like so that she makes the stocking accordingly.

Could you not have another tradition for the years you are there? Christmas eve presents/back home presents?

My goodness you are a good person. Doing my children’s’ stockings is my precious job. I always insisted on them waking up in my own house on Christmas morning. You don’t say how far away your in-laws are but assuming too far to do this.