MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

Do your own, bring it downstairs before the kids get up and hang it with MIL’s efforts………sorted.

Don’t do that, it’s shit for the other kids.

Maybe, but what if those other kids parents want to be involved in Christmas stockings?

This isn't attractive to everyone. We did it once because lockdown required it. I much prefer it with extra people whether that's at our home or elsewhere and so do DC. I would only have another Christmas restricted like that if I had to in another covid type situation.

Or aren't bothered? When we have Christmas with my brother his DC get bigger stockings than ours because SIL goes bigger with presents altogether than we do. Don't think ours have ever noticed the disparity.

If the other parents aren't bothered about doing their own stockings (I wouldn't be) then they probably won't mind OP doing extra.

I was curious about this. There are another 7 kids there - how do their parents feel about MIL swooping in on Christmas day every other year? Do they resent it, are they genuinely not bothered? When do you have contact with them and is there a chance to sound them out?

There must be some disparity in the presents the cousins get.

Surely MIL could be nice enough to make more of an effort with her grandchildren and not take the best bit of parenting for herself!

I think it is very kind of OP to be there every other year, when she would rather ve doing things her own way.

Can you not have it both ways, so you do a stocking from Santa (you) and a stocking from grandma. And it becomes a lovely Christmas tradition associated with her but doesn't take away from the traditions that you are building. I definitely think she should not be taking over the sole role of stocking provider.

My mum does a "Christmas dinner table box" -a pretty little gift box on each placemat with stocking stuffer type gifts inside.

Would MIL be up for doing that instead? It can either be from her, so she gets the credit, or from santa as an extra to the stocking.

MIL’s wishes and feelings about this shouldn’t continue to be prioritised over OP’s.

Just do them yourself. She can give them as another present if she likes.
Youre v nice for making the effort to do alternate Xmas’! I don’t do this.. for me it’s sacred and i do it with my parents every year. I might do a few in future at MILs but I’m not too keen on it tbh.

My Granny was always responsible for my stocking. I expect my mum was pleased to have one less thing to think about! It would be a long grey wool sock of my Grandad's with some inexpensive little presents, the obligatory satsuma and nuts and a Bunty comic (showing my age here!). I remember those stockings (and my Granny) with such affection. It meant so much to her.

So do all 6 siblings and their dc stay with the grandparents at Christmas! Do they live in a castle?!

Oh dear, you would hate me. I do stockings for my grandchildren and still do them for my children and their spouses. In fact anyone who comes on Christmas Day gets one... but my children/grandchildren get one even if they are not with us. In my own defence I would say every item is picked and given with love.... small, personal, often very cheap...that sounds a bit pretentious (sorry). I hope my children don't feel as the OP does, but maybe they do. You have made me think.

I would do your Christmas Eve or Boxing Day… make it your own tradition

I know this isn't what you are doing but this all comes off as if you will do anything for an easy life/to avoid conflict - even if your own child is upset. Your child is family - your MIL is some random woman , only connection being you have sex with her son. Just tell her, she may not care, she may go mental but that's not your issue.

I've never had a stocking so can't quite get the fuss.

@Gagamama2 Wow- once every alternate year your mother in law gets do this and you want to take that away from her! Why not ask MIL to include one of your gifts in their stocking? That way she still gets to carry out a tradition which is clearly something she looks forward to, and your kids get a gift they want.

This is what I would do , does this really matter in the grand scheme of things .

He isn't s scrooge hes actually sensible.
This thread is awful all about how many presents a kid can get at Xmas.
Who needs all these presents and why?
I've an idea why don't some of you buy some presents if you must for kids who get nothing or donate to a charity instead.
Jeez.

yes but presumably you make an effort to engage with them the rest of the year ? This grandma is hogging a key part of christmas but not making any effort to actually build a relationship with her grandchildren

It’s every other Christmas, so I don’t think it’s a hill I’d die on tbh. Could they also have a stocking at your house? So Father Christmas drops one off at both houses and it’s a lovely treat for them when they get home from the grandparents?

Your MIL is being really unreasonable. She enjoys Christmas so surely she knows you will, too. She had five children of her own so had about 100 opportunities to fill a stocking. She's denying you that opportunity. She's really out of order.

Cut mil some slack
She obviously puts alot of effort into the stockings and she is your children's nan

Honestly I'd arrange to not be there for Christmas morning! Can you arrange to arrive later in the day and do opening stockings at your own home?