Fall out with DP - rat comment

[bluemoons3]

Hoping for honest answers here - even if it means I am being unreasonable!

Me (F34 chatterbox) and DP (M38 fairly quiet) were watching tv this evening & as our show ended we were joking about me being a chatterbox and I said if I was as quiet as him we would have a very quiet life, he said “that would be bliss” we’re both cuddled up and joking around at this point as this is often something we laugh about. He then sat up a bit and said exactly this “your mouth is moving like a rat yap yap yap”
It really took me back and it clearly showed in my face, and I just was like what on earth does that mean.
he then got all defensive saying it’s a quote from a comedian I’ve never heard of talking about someone talking a lot, “all over TikTok” and why the hell am I acting like he’s said something so bad.
i told him I’ve never heard of that, or the man who said it and to me being referred to as having a mouth like a rat sounds extremely offensive & I didn’t like the comment.
he stormed out the room & is now giving me the silent treatment.

am i in the wrong here because i don’t know the quote, or even still what it means or does he have a right to be acting pissed off that it offended me a bit?

I think it's that Liverpudlian guy Paul something who's all over tiktok.
I think if you were both joking around I wouldn't be bothered might've just lightly bashed him with a cushion and told him to go and put the kettle on to give his ears a rest

Thanks for replying, so I guess you know the quote then which may be why you’d react in that way? If you didn’t know it do you think it would be the same? And also his reaction after is what’s bothering me most, storming out and silent treatment because I didn’t know the quote?

I'm so sorry OP, I can imagine that is upsetting. I have however seen the video (I think it's the man in the car and he says 'Shanice, your mouth is moving a lot like a rat, yappa, yappa'). It is quite funny and I think if I knew the video I would've laughed too and found it funny. Maybe one of those things that got lost in translation. I hope you are okay and can work it out x

I don’t know the comedian or the quote, but I’d be pissed off if my DP likened me to a yappy rat.
Interesting that he also said a quiet life would be bliss.
Do you chatter loads? Eg during a tv show or film?

I think the silent treatment is a bit much.

More context 😅

I agree it's been lost in translation, as soon as I read the OP I knew which video she was talking about 😅

He really wasn't likening you to a rat OP 😅

But his reaction isn't great, he could of just showed you the video couldn't he. Storming off and silent treatment is somthing you'll wanna keep an eye on

Yes agree with this 100% x

Yeah its a phrase from a comedian, it went viral and it has been made into a song, played at festivals.
Search up 'Shanese, your mouth is moving a lot like a rat'
I can see how this would seem offensive if you hadnt seen all tbe viral stuff. But it probably popped into his head a funny thing to say and obviously missed the mark.

Yeah that’s exactly how I took it, and as others have said he could of shown me the video or explained it properly to me but he just jumped on the defence and his reaction is not what I’d expected at all.
I do chatter a lot but not to the point it’s annoying it is just something we joke about normally!
Thanks for replying x

Lol. It was video he was referring to. Agreed, it's lost in translation but it is also really funny 😅

Yeah I realise I’m clearly way behind the times as I’ve never seen it 😂 but I agree his reaction after is something I need to keep an eye on, it’s really not sitting well with me.

I can’t watch it now as I’m in bed next to him - awkwardly silent and don’t want him to know I’m looking at it 😂 but I’ll watch in the morning! Glad it’s at least giving people a giggle

There is a song of it now. Play it loud to wake him up tomorrow 😂

Yeah the reaction is more alarming than the comment! The silent treatment because you don't get the joke rather than showing you! Or even just explaining it and saying he doesn't mean it in that way. He didn't need to change the mood like that.

He hurt your feelings and you were upset.
It doesn't matter if it was referring to some video you'd never heard of.
Its still calling you a rat...
Most people would have apologised and not stormed off and given you the silent treatment.

Has he done this before?

I don't find that video funny at all, and nor do the women in the car. Yet more misogyny.

If you chatter all the time perhaps it was a slight dig at you to stop. You don’t need to chat 24/7 people do need quiet periods .

Yeah, I immediately noticed that they looked upset and offended by his bizarre and rather stupid comment. You’d think that alone would be enough of a clue not to repeat it to someone in real life, especially if you didn’t know if they’d seen the video or not.

I guess I'm old-fashioned, but I don't see what's funny about a woman being told to "shut it".

OP, I'm sure all will be fine in the morning, and you'll both be back to normal.

I've seen a longer version of this video and the woman that it's said to doesn't find it funny either. Unsurprisingly!

Could he have not thought too deep about it, and was linking the jokey conversation with the video rather than intentionally trying to insult you? Regardless, when he saw you were upset he shouldn't have stormed off.
And
He's childish and borderline abusive for giving you the silent treatment.

Apparently it's from a song and it's quite famous, I just found it on Spotify. He wasn't being personal, it was just a knight's move thought to the song which I believe is entitled "shut it please." I couldn't actually hear the lyrics but I don't mind that so much.

In your shoes I wouldn't apologise and I wouldn't ask him to apologise but I would explain why I was hurt and taken aback, not realising he wasn't speaking personally.

Does that guy really think he is a comedian? That clip is as funny as dogshit.

The comment about a quiet life being bliss and the storming off and silent treatment would have me questioning how I see the future of the relationship panning out - that and his terrible taste in comedy.

He was speaking personally though. Just because he used a store bought, off the rack, comedian’s insult doesn’t make it not an insult.

The correct response is "oh sorry, its from a clip doing the rounds on tiktok, I didnt mean to upset you"

His reaction is not ok at all.

I would do more than keep an eye on it, it would really change my view of him that he finds something like that funny (just watched it, about as funny as getting kicked in the tits) and is so deeply insecure that you didnt laugh along with him that he thinks giving you the silent treatment is ok.

As a rat-owner I'm really struggling to make sense of the analogy!