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Original poster

Fall out with DP - rat comment

200 replies

bluemoons3 · 03/10/2025 00:05

Hoping for honest answers here - even if it means I am being unreasonable!

Me (F34 chatterbox) and DP (M38 fairly quiet) were watching tv this evening & as our show ended we were joking about me being a chatterbox and I said if I was as quiet as him we would have a very quiet life, he said “that would be bliss” we’re both cuddled up and joking around at this point as this is often something we laugh about. He then sat up a bit and said exactly this “your mouth is moving like a rat yap yap yap”
It really took me back and it clearly showed in my face, and I just was like what on earth does that mean.
he then got all defensive saying it’s a quote from a comedian I’ve never heard of talking about someone talking a lot, “all over TikTok” and why the hell am I acting like he’s said something so bad.
i told him I’ve never heard of that, or the man who said it and to me being referred to as having a mouth like a rat sounds extremely offensive & I didn’t like the comment.
he stormed out the room & is now giving me the silent treatment.

am i in the wrong here because i don’t know the quote, or even still what it means or does he have a right to be acting pissed off that it offended me a bit?

OP posts:
Shessweetbutapsycho · 03/10/2025 06:58

Find the clip on instagram, you’ll laugh. He’s not saying your mouth is like a rat, he’s referencing a well known meme in the context of you both discussing you chatting non stop.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable that your partner thought it was ok to joke about something that you say you always joke about. I imagine he’s feeling a bit blindsided about you reacting so negatively to a topic you regularly joke about together.

Nestingbirds · 03/10/2025 06:59

Shessweetbutapsycho · 03/10/2025 06:58

Find the clip on instagram, you’ll laugh. He’s not saying your mouth is like a rat, he’s referencing a well known meme in the context of you both discussing you chatting non stop.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable that your partner thought it was ok to joke about something that you say you always joke about. I imagine he’s feeling a bit blindsided about you reacting so negatively to a topic you regularly joke about together.

It wasn’t funny. At all.

CanterburyRoadBlock · 03/10/2025 07:00

Hahaha! I can picture the video as you typed it! I've never really found it that funny, this was actually funnier!

Cherrysoup · 03/10/2025 07:02

Bloke is telling her to shut up in the video, I absolutely don’t find that funny. Wouldn’t tolerate the silent treatment.

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/10/2025 07:05

I think you need to toughen up a little. This is just a misunderstanding OP, everyone has them. A simple, what do you mean by that? Would be suffice. He then says it’s from a comedy sketch and you could have watched it together.

You unnecessarily made it into a huge personal attack - so much so you’re asking on Mumsnet. We all argue, it’s a normal part of a relationship. But you should also listen to your partner and allow him to express himself without making everything into a big deal like you did here.

Lolamills · 03/10/2025 07:05

My husband quoted this to my daughter a few weeks ago and I hadn’t a clue what he was on about. (Although I still laughed) and then he showed us both and the fact it had been made into a song 😂

your DP definitely wasn’t saying you’re like a rat, he just needed to show you the video for reference!

StewkeyBlue · 03/10/2025 07:09

Well you were very quick to find it ‘extremely offensive’ and he was very quick to go on the defensive.

He quoted something as a joke and it went wrong.

I was unaware of this TikTok thing, but it was such a bizarre thing to say that I would probably have done a double take and said “what????” in an amazed tone.

Check what people actually mean before taking offence.

I hope it all get cleared up this morning.

Tubestrike · 03/10/2025 07:16

Ah , so that's where my daughter got the phrase 'shut it please' !

Princesspollyyy · 03/10/2025 07:18

I think you owe your dp an apology, and you need to lighten up a lot.

Redpeach · 03/10/2025 07:18

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/10/2025 07:05

I think you need to toughen up a little. This is just a misunderstanding OP, everyone has them. A simple, what do you mean by that? Would be suffice. He then says it’s from a comedy sketch and you could have watched it together.

You unnecessarily made it into a huge personal attack - so much so you’re asking on Mumsnet. We all argue, it’s a normal part of a relationship. But you should also listen to your partner and allow him to express himself without making everything into a big deal like you did here.

He could express himself without misogynistic bants copied from some online tosser. Dh is the one who needs to shut it please.

Swiftie1878 · 03/10/2025 07:19

bluemoons3 · 03/10/2025 00:14

Thanks for replying, so I guess you know the quote then which may be why you’d react in that way? If you didn’t know it do you think it would be the same? And also his reaction after is what’s bothering me most, storming out and silent treatment because I didn’t know the quote?

He’s not annoyed that you don’t know the quote, he’s annoyed that you didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt but assumed he was being mean to you.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 03/10/2025 07:20

Can those who find it funny explain it to me please. The clip was just of a man being insulting and then telling a woman to shut it. I’m failing to see the humour.

SparklyGlitterballs · 03/10/2025 07:22

It was a poor choice of quote because it's not really funny and a bit misogynistic. What is wrong is his reaction to your reaction. He should have apologised and shown you the clip. Storming off and giving you the silent treatment is a huge red flag.

His behaviour this morning will be interesting. Hopefully he will have reflected on what he said and how he behaved and apologise for upsetting you. If he acts as though nothing has happened, or he continues the silent treatment, then please reconsider this relationship.

montston · 03/10/2025 07:23

The quote wouldn’t bother me so much as the silent treatment. I would never stay in a relationship with someone who did this.

StewkeyBlue · 03/10/2025 07:25

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 03/10/2025 07:20

Can those who find it funny explain it to me please. The clip was just of a man being insulting and then telling a woman to shut it. I’m failing to see the humour.

I am coming to this new but I see the man’s awfulness as the joke: I.e it’s on him for being so ridiculous rather than on ‘Shanice’.

Hence the nuances in all this: the OP’s DH being self deprecating for referring to her own part of the exchange, I.e that she chats a lot.

JellyRains · 03/10/2025 07:28

I immediately knew the meme and it makes me laugh as me and DW say it to each other. Sorry you were offended though, it's not nice to feel the butt of a joke.

ClaredeBear · 03/10/2025 07:28

It sounds as if you usually have a good relationship and you were getting on fine until he quoted a line from a video he expected you to have seen, within the topic of the conversation. I guess the question is, does he usually act like this if things don’t go as he expects them to?

CinnamonJellyBeans · 03/10/2025 07:29

It sounds like the comparisons you both freely make about each others' personalities whilst laughing (no offence, honest) are becoming a bit wearing for you both.

MenopauseSucks · 03/10/2025 07:31

TroysMammy · 03/10/2025 06:05

I've not seen or heard about the video but having pet rats who chatter I would say it's cute. I miss having ratties.

Like when rats brux when they’re happy! I miss mine too but couldn’t cope with only having them around for 3yrs.

Not sure whether the clip has not such nice connotations though…

Gingernessy · 03/10/2025 07:34

Redpeach · 03/10/2025 07:18

He could express himself without misogynistic bants copied from some online tosser. Dh is the one who needs to shut it please.

Show quote history

But he used it in the context that to him she talks alot.
I'd be interested to hear how her face changed, confused, hurt, angry?
Maybe the silent treatment is just him wanting to put it to bed and not incur any more drama.

StrongLikeMamma · 03/10/2025 07:35

Is he 15? Why is he on tik tok?

Bloozie · 03/10/2025 07:37

It is a fairly well-known meme, and if your chattiness is something you joke about a lot, it was an entirely appropriate bit of a banter. I can see why he'd be confused if you were cuddling and laughing about the fact you're so talkative, then he made a joke about talkativeness and you freaked out.

But obviously also not your fault you hadn't seen the clip.

He doesn't think you're a rat. The clip is funny because it's so weird - what does that even mean?! He definitely wasn't being cruel.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 03/10/2025 07:38

I suspect he’s fed up not of your reaction to the quote. After a while in a relationship what he might have viewed as you being a “chatterbox” and sweet - as you incessantly talking - were you talking while the was trying to watch tv? Maybe it’s that he finds annoying. Look at his other comments. Maybe he just wants a quiet life and to be able to watch tv in peace.

Notmyreality · 03/10/2025 07:38

You both need to lighten up.

HK04 · 03/10/2025 07:38

I do chatter a lot but not to the point it’s annoying

What’s annoying is subjective though. The rat comment daft but would find it really annoying if a DP talked at me or talked for the sake of it a lot. Not saying that’s you OP just often an element of truth in ‘often joke about it’.

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