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Original poster

Fall out with DP - rat comment

200 replies

bluemoons3 · 03/10/2025 00:05

Hoping for honest answers here - even if it means I am being unreasonable!

Me (F34 chatterbox) and DP (M38 fairly quiet) were watching tv this evening & as our show ended we were joking about me being a chatterbox and I said if I was as quiet as him we would have a very quiet life, he said “that would be bliss” we’re both cuddled up and joking around at this point as this is often something we laugh about. He then sat up a bit and said exactly this “your mouth is moving like a rat yap yap yap”
It really took me back and it clearly showed in my face, and I just was like what on earth does that mean.
he then got all defensive saying it’s a quote from a comedian I’ve never heard of talking about someone talking a lot, “all over TikTok” and why the hell am I acting like he’s said something so bad.
i told him I’ve never heard of that, or the man who said it and to me being referred to as having a mouth like a rat sounds extremely offensive & I didn’t like the comment.
he stormed out the room & is now giving me the silent treatment.

am i in the wrong here because i don’t know the quote, or even still what it means or does he have a right to be acting pissed off that it offended me a bit?

OP posts:
Vegandiva · 03/10/2025 02:19

if I were you I would be thinking about making his life very quiet indeed by removing myself from it completely 😒

daisychain01 · 03/10/2025 02:54

@bluemoons3 you have every right to be offended by what he said. That video isn't funny at all,

I agree with PP, it's typical misogynistic shite. Of course everything a man says has to be listened to because it's soooo important, what women say is just yappa. Tedious

the fact your partner treats you like that shows a lack of basic respect for you. Don't waste your breathe explaining why you're offended, he has as much empathy as a ... rat.

notatinydancer · 03/10/2025 03:14

Silent treatment is abuse.

Woompund · 03/10/2025 03:19

I don't think he likes you very much.
My DH is a chatterbox and I'm an introvert who needs quiet time. Sometimes he chatters at me too much about his work or something he's learnt that he finds fascinating- I would never suggest he's bothering me or try to make him feel bad about sharing his enthusiasm with me.

SpidersAreShitheads · 03/10/2025 03:26

I think it depends how you normally interact. You say you were both joking around - you had a playful dig about how quiet he is, and he’s joked back? It may well be clumsy but it sounds as if it was in keeping with the moment - and then it’s escalated as you’ve gotten suddenly huffy and he thinks you’re being unreasonable so has huffed off himself.

If the pair of you normally joke with each other it sounds as if you were both being a bit overly dramatic tonight.

FWIW, I don’t really get why the original video is considered to be funny. I don’t find it amusing at all - the bloke seems like a twat. However, if your DP meant to quote it in good humour and you have form for joking with each other, then I don’t see the issue (other than he needs to find better videos to watch!)

Puzzledtoday · 03/10/2025 03:40

It’s upsetting but perhaps he really is finding you a bit too chatty. Could you wait until hes got over the sulk and then talk about what you both need in terms of chat and quiet time? It’s not wrong to want different things and look for a compromise.

Athreedoorwardrobe · 03/10/2025 04:01

I'd just let this blow over. You've just misunderstood each other and got hurt by each other's reactions.

Clarinet1 · 03/10/2025 04:40

I think this may be one of those cases he is actually angry with himself for upsetting you (underneath it all).

SulkySeagull · 03/10/2025 04:50

It’s a common TikTok ‘sound’ - Shanice, your mouth is moving a lot like a rat, yappa yappa yappa’ - it was a joke

Nestingbirds · 03/10/2025 04:58

He should have apologised when he realised he had offended you. Now the awkward silent treatment is compounding his poor reaction.

It’s not okay that he is using the silent treatment now, rather than talking it out. This means his ‘quietness’ is actually rather unhealthy, and not especially kind to leave you lying in your own bed uncomfortably.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 03/10/2025 05:13

I think its a non issue. You were both laughing and joking about you being a chatterbox, he took the joke off on a tangent that you didn't understand, you got unnecessarily offended which he thought was probably a bit much. He shouldn't be giving you the silent treatment because that's childish but unless there are deeper issues in the relationship its not that big of a deal.

Moro93 · 03/10/2025 05:43

You sound like hard work and he sounds like a sulking toddler. Unless he frequently ‘jokingly’ insults you and you’re not just being oversensitive; and unless you constantly react like this and he’s not just going in a huff over a one off thing then you’re both very unreasonable and should maybe reconsider whether you’re compatible.

Bringitonicancope · 03/10/2025 05:59

Well i have always had a very low opinion of Tiktok but honestly if that video clip is what passes for humour on it then it's even more crap than I realised. How on earth is that supposed to be funny? If that has gone viral I shudder for civilisation.

Yes OP I would have been offended by the comment.

I would also think that the joking about you being a chatterbox is masking the fact it is a real issue for him and that he does have a problem with you talking a lot. He obviously is not a good communicator if he has to use " jokes" to raise the issue. And if his reaction to you being upset is to give you the silent treatment then that is worrying. Silent treatment is abusive.

I actually wonder whether you are both compatible.

LoudSnoringDog · 03/10/2025 06:03

He wasn’t actually saying that you LOOK like a rat was he?

TroysMammy · 03/10/2025 06:05

I've not seen or heard about the video but having pet rats who chatter I would say it's cute. I miss having ratties.

Boxboom · 03/10/2025 06:10

He was nasty and rude.
So what if he is quoting a rude ignorant comedian.

Giving you the silent treatment and storming off?
Thats your future.
Now you know what he really thinks.
He thinks you are dim and he can insult you to your face and his anger is to shut you down.

Its not sitting well with you because your gut is warning you that he is an arsehole and he has a nasty streak.

You can't say you weren't warned.
His mask has slipped and this is who he really is.
Some who uses jokes to be nasty and insulting and then has a tantrum when you object.

Abusive men often tell women they are "too sensitive" in the early days when the insult, bully and belittle them.

It only get worse. He doesn't really like you.
You don't insult someone you genuinely care about.

Be careful OP and listen to your gut.

NorthernLass2025 · 03/10/2025 06:13

Sounds like your my worst nightmare chatting to much thru a show lol. Anyhow yes seen the clip and it's funny and even if I hadn't if you joke around a lot anyhow I wouldn't have kicked off about it

Theoturkeyflieseast · 03/10/2025 06:14

I've watched the video,still don't find it funny .infact it's insulting.who is he to tell a woman to shut up ..

Boxboom · 03/10/2025 06:16

Only people without self-esteem or respect would think someone telling you to shut up is acceptable.

Nothing funny about that clip.

Luddite26 · 03/10/2025 06:22

ThatDreamyLemonBiscuit · 03/10/2025 01:41

As a rat-owner I'm really struggling to make sense of the analogy!

I'm not even a fan of rats but I don't get the analogy.

JustMyView13 · 03/10/2025 06:23

I don’t know then quote / joke but it’s his reaction I think is the issue. Why didn’t he give you a hug, grab his phone, apologise for upsetting you, and show you the clip so you could understand the joke and (maybe?) laugh together.
That would’ve been the reaction of a real man who cares. He’s made it about himself instead. Low emotional maturity on his part, at best.

itsraining2024 · 03/10/2025 06:25

He found what you said insulting so he insulted you back. Nothing wrong with being quiet. End of. Both need to apologise to each other like adults.

Rainbowcat77 · 03/10/2025 06:28

Ok, giving somebody the silent treatment isn’t great, I also wouldn’t have known what the rat comment meant Op and would have been a bit offended by it so I’m not surprised you’re upset and he hasn’t covered himself in glory here.
BUT
from your account it sounds as if he was actually desperate for a bit of quiet time and you just wouldn’t take the hint and kept on talking. As a quiet person who needs that mental headspace now and then I can see why your DH might have become quite heightened resulting in him “storming off” rather than responding well (showing you the clip and apologising)

I’d suggest that you have a really frank conversation when this has blown over and work out what you both need.

autienotnaughty · 03/10/2025 06:36

Regardless of wether its on tik tok or whatever you didn’t find it funny. He should have apologised and explained the joke.
Have you been together long? If this is typical of him it literally means you can’t ever critique him or find fault without him sulking. Which means issues won’t get resolved.

SirRaymondClench · 03/10/2025 06:56

I must be very old now because I didn't find the clip remotely funny.
Either I'm really old or society has really dumbed down to base level.

Probably both.

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