Fall out with DP - rat comment

[bluemoons3]

Hoping for honest answers here - even if it means I am being unreasonable!

Me (F34 chatterbox) and DP (M38 fairly quiet) were watching tv this evening & as our show ended we were joking about me being a chatterbox and I said if I was as quiet as him we would have a very quiet life, he said “that would be bliss” we’re both cuddled up and joking around at this point as this is often something we laugh about. He then sat up a bit and said exactly this “your mouth is moving like a rat yap yap yap”
It really took me back and it clearly showed in my face, and I just was like what on earth does that mean.
he then got all defensive saying it’s a quote from a comedian I’ve never heard of talking about someone talking a lot, “all over TikTok” and why the hell am I acting like he’s said something so bad.
i told him I’ve never heard of that, or the man who said it and to me being referred to as having a mouth like a rat sounds extremely offensive & I didn’t like the comment.
he stormed out the room & is now giving me the silent treatment.

am i in the wrong here because i don’t know the quote, or even still what it means or does he have a right to be acting pissed off that it offended me a bit?

No, but it does make them not offended. Just acting offended.

I missed the part where he was spending his life on TT.

But once the poster told you what she meant you still tried to argue with her. I agree with her, you are trying to argue for the sake of it

He would be worried if you were quiet. I like a good yap, DH is much quieter, it works well.
The joke landed badly.

because they are actors acting offended doesn't mean they aren't personally offended, it just means they need the job

Oh typical Mumsnet. Those silly women don't know their own mind 🙄

I only said "does not mean" I did not judge.

@bluemoons3 i think a lot of people are missing the point and getting distracted by whether your BF ‘meant’ the rat comment as a joke or not. The issue to me is more the principle of how he acted when you said it offended you. His response was to get offended himself (!?) and give you the silent treatment for daring to express your honest feelings. You didn’t swear or were violent yet his response is very immature and cold. This is a red flag. My ex behaved like this as well and no way did I want to grow old with someone this sensitive and emotionally unintelligent.

The silent treatment is an abuse tactic.

He said something nasty you didn't like and he got mad that you were offended. That's DARVO, another abuser tactic. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.

Your partner's got some red flags showing.

So much that they’re happy to perpetuate misogyny for cheap laughs?

Maybe yes, maybe they really need the job, maybe they don’t see it that way. All I sm saying is that calling it “humour” doesn’t excuse it.

The gag isn't funny, it's an age old misogynistic trope. Wife/MIL/Women everywhere talk too much and should shut the fuck up. If Bernard Manning had said it, everyone on this thread would be calling it out for the pre-historic stereotypical crap that it is. The fact that the OP's bf repeated it speaks volumes about him.

You both sound like such hard work. You went straight to highly offended when you were both messing around and he went full sulk mode because of your offense

Bants? 🤢 So often a cover for bullying. No thanks.

Or maybe the OP should not dish it out if she cant take it back?

So you are saying the OP is bullying he DP?
I agree, its mean to constantly point out that someone is quiet/shy.

Nope, other way around.

That is a very famous Internet quote. It comes from a video of a taxi driver saying it to a chatty girl in the back and people jokingly say it too each other when they're talking too much.

He wasn't calling you a rat, he was just continuing on with the jokes. What about it touched a nerve with you? Maybe deep down you are hurt that he thinks you talk too much?

Edit: I've just clocked the bit where you said he stormed out and started giving you the silent treatment. Wtf? Is this a man we're dealing with or a child... It sounds like there are deeper issues that you guys should talk about. Unless your reaction to the yap yap yap meme was out of proportion, him storming off tells me there's something else going on. Like he feels extreme defensiveness - I've recently ended things with my partner because of of his tendency to get defensive.

That's horrid

He’s mimicking the clip! It’s absolutely fine, OP!

Does it matter that it was meant to be a joke. From the video clip it’s hardly a funny joke - a man telling a woman she’s yapping like a rat - like fecking hilarious 🙄

The point is if a grown man is told by his partner she doesn’t much like being described as a rat he should apologise and then explain he meant it as a joke. Except this didn’t happen, he had a childish strop and gave OP the silent treatment. She’s better off without this loser. More fool you, if you’d tolerate this nonsense.

Yep, totally agree.

Whether they are male or female, being with a chatterbox can be utterly exhausting. Not accusing OP, but referring to her description of herself and I'm thinking about the occasional people I know who can bang on endlessly and can't do companionable silence. (Remembers ghastly train jouney with non-stop wittering person in carriage!)

Yabu. Chatterboxes are so fucking annoying.

Gotta tell you it’s exhausting listening to chatter boxes, however, he’s known this about you from the beginning. Maybe time for couples counseling.