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Original poster

Fall out with DP - rat comment

200 replies

bluemoons3 · 03/10/2025 00:05

Hoping for honest answers here - even if it means I am being unreasonable!

Me (F34 chatterbox) and DP (M38 fairly quiet) were watching tv this evening & as our show ended we were joking about me being a chatterbox and I said if I was as quiet as him we would have a very quiet life, he said “that would be bliss” we’re both cuddled up and joking around at this point as this is often something we laugh about. He then sat up a bit and said exactly this “your mouth is moving like a rat yap yap yap”
It really took me back and it clearly showed in my face, and I just was like what on earth does that mean.
he then got all defensive saying it’s a quote from a comedian I’ve never heard of talking about someone talking a lot, “all over TikTok” and why the hell am I acting like he’s said something so bad.
i told him I’ve never heard of that, or the man who said it and to me being referred to as having a mouth like a rat sounds extremely offensive & I didn’t like the comment.
he stormed out the room & is now giving me the silent treatment.

am i in the wrong here because i don’t know the quote, or even still what it means or does he have a right to be acting pissed off that it offended me a bit?

OP posts:
BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:14

warmapplepies · 03/10/2025 10:05

Okay?

Humour is subjective. Just because you don’t find it funny doesn’t mean nobody else does.

Show quote history

Read what I was replying to: 'Watch the video, have a laugh.'

Shessweetbutapsycho · 03/10/2025 10:17

DonnyBurrito · 03/10/2025 09:54

The context of the video IS funny (just pretend it's Steve Coogan being Alan Partridge).
And your partner was just quoting it harmlessly.
Imagine saying "Smell my cheese!" And then your partner getting really upset and confused and making out like you're some dickhead for just quoting something playfully.

Probably best make a joke of it because you did act like a bit of a drylord.

A drylord- never heard this before I love it! (Lots of drylords on this thread by the looks of it 😂)

Myrtletown · 03/10/2025 10:17

Surely once he explained it was a joke from a comedy reel you’d be like ‘oh okay’ and not respond with how ‘extremely offensive’ you find it….no wonder he stays quiet a lot

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:20

DonnyBurrito · 03/10/2025 10:12

Nah she didn't get the joke, and made her partner feel like a dickhead about it. I think he was upset because she has completely misunderstood him, and possibly his entire character, if she thinks he would actually ever refer to her as a rat.

I'd be hurt if my partner thought I was capable of being purposely nasty to him, and then told off for it, and been expected to apologise for something completely innocent... He obviously felt shamed by her.

And yes I might well get up and leave the room.

Show quote history

At her initial reaction, she not know it was a joke. Subsequently, explaining a joke that has not made sense to someone can be excruciating for both sides. He is the one who has handled this ineptly.

RobynRB · 03/10/2025 10:20

Toofficeornot · 03/10/2025 00:29

Yeah its a phrase from a comedian, it went viral and it has been made into a song, played at festivals.
Search up 'Shanese, your mouth is moving a lot like a rat'
I can see how this would seem offensive if you hadnt seen all tbe viral stuff. But it probably popped into his head a funny thing to say and obviously missed the mark.

This is why I am not on TikTok. The utter shite that people find 'entertaining' these days blows my mind.

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:23

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 09:49

That’s fine, not every comedian is for everyone. I don’t laugh at Micky Flanagan or Al Murray but a lot of people would.

Show quote history

Read what I was replying to: 'Watch the video, have a laugh.'

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 10:25

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:23

Read what I was replying to: 'Watch the video, have a laugh.'

Show quote history

Yep, you replied to my response to the OP. And I said it’s fine for you not to laugh.

Arrivederla · 03/10/2025 10:26

SpidersAreShitheads · 03/10/2025 03:26

I think it depends how you normally interact. You say you were both joking around - you had a playful dig about how quiet he is, and he’s joked back? It may well be clumsy but it sounds as if it was in keeping with the moment - and then it’s escalated as you’ve gotten suddenly huffy and he thinks you’re being unreasonable so has huffed off himself.

If the pair of you normally joke with each other it sounds as if you were both being a bit overly dramatic tonight.

FWIW, I don’t really get why the original video is considered to be funny. I don’t find it amusing at all - the bloke seems like a twat. However, if your DP meant to quote it in good humour and you have form for joking with each other, then I don’t see the issue (other than he needs to find better videos to watch!)

And you think it's ok for him to give her the silent treatment?

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:28

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 10:25

Yep, you replied to my response to the OP. And I said it’s fine for you not to laugh.

Show quote history

But you said to the OP 'have a laugh', not 'have a laugh but it's fine for you not to.'

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 10:31

Arrivederla · 03/10/2025 10:26

And you think it's ok for him to give her the silent treatment?

Show quote history

Can we just clarify this whole silent treatment part here?

From OPs updates, it looks as though he got up and went to bed. ‘Watching a show this evening’, then a further update ‘we’re in bed’ after she made the post at midnight. He’s hardly not spoken to her all day. I wouldn’t classify removing yourself from the situation and going to bed for the evening to start fresh in the morning the silent treatment. Everyone has their limits.

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 10:33

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:28

But you said to the OP 'have a laugh', not 'have a laugh but it's fine for you not to.'

Edited
Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣 please stop. You just want to argue for the sake of it. OP can come back to me and say she didn’t - I’ll also tell her it’s fine. Your opinion on the video in relation to my post directed to the OP really is irrelevant here.

Pudmyboy · 03/10/2025 10:38

LavenderHaze04 · 03/10/2025 00:20

More context 😅

That clip is really unpleasant, looks like he is bullying the woman, so unless there is much more to it, I would definitely be offended!

godmum56 · 03/10/2025 10:40

deydododatdodontdeydo · 03/10/2025 09:23

Aren't the women in the car acting? It's a sketch, presumably scripted.
Someone asked "why would he film it?" 😅
He's a comedian/rapper (that I've only just learned about).
If he didn't film his content, how would people see it?

Show quote history

because it was scripted and invented doesn't make it ok.

Namechangerage · 03/10/2025 10:45

Sounds like neither of you communicate well to be honest.

You could have said calmly “what do you mean, where’s that from?!”

Then he might have explained it calmly, maybe even showed you and all would be well.

Instead, you went from zero to 100 and got angry, he got defensive and it all blew out of proportion. Silent treatment is never ok though. He could have still explained better and not stormed out.

What’s going on that you both act this way? Money stress, not getting on, work stress?

Twinmum345 · 03/10/2025 10:47

very much an over reaction

LittleOwl153 · 03/10/2025 10:51

The silent treatment is unacceptable. He should have apologised for offending you and you both moved on. He is is continuing the silent nonsense this morning then you have a much bigger issue.

warmapplepies · 03/10/2025 10:51

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:14

Read what I was replying to: 'Watch the video, have a laugh.'

Show quote history

Are you always so serious and literal or is it a special occasion?

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:54

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 10:33

🤣🤣🤣 please stop. You just want to argue for the sake of it. OP can come back to me and say she didn’t - I’ll also tell her it’s fine. Your opinion on the video in relation to my post directed to the OP really is irrelevant here.

Show quote history

I wanted to argue your implication that the OP should not be offended because the video clip is funny. You did not consider that OP might not find it funny. You can only contend that the clip is meant to be funny and therefore not meant personally.

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:59

warmapplepies · 03/10/2025 10:51

Are you always so serious and literal or is it a special occasion?

Show quote history

Not always, but I imagine the insult, which is a bit niche, presumably delivered in the same accusatory tone as the clip, would have landed really badly. 'Have a laugh' fails to account for that.

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 11:00

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:54

I wanted to argue your implication that the OP should not be offended because the video clip is funny. You did not consider that OP might not find it funny. You can only contend that the clip is meant to be funny and therefore not meant personally.

Show quote history

I wanted to argue your implication that the OP should not be offended because the video clip is funny.

so you decided to ignore the majority of my post where I did say to your point “the clip is meant to be funny and therefore not meant personally” and pick out my invitation to have a laugh to argue with.

warmapplepies · 03/10/2025 11:01

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 10:59

Not always, but I imagine the insult, which is a bit niche, presumably delivered in the same accusatory tone as the clip, would have landed really badly. 'Have a laugh' fails to account for that.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣

BrickBiscuit · 03/10/2025 11:01

TY78910 · 03/10/2025 11:00

I wanted to argue your implication that the OP should not be offended because the video clip is funny.

so you decided to ignore the majority of my post where I did say to your point “the clip is meant to be funny and therefore not meant personally” and pick out my invitation to have a laugh to argue with.

Show quote history

Yes. I felt that minimised the OP's concerns.

Iwishthiswasnottrue · 03/10/2025 11:04

"He stormed out of the room", what is he, 12?

Thebigonesgetaway · 03/10/2025 11:05

I think this was a joke and he didn’t realise you hadn’t heard ir, and then you got all offended, he got all offended as you thought he was being offensive, and now you’re on Mumsnet doubling down trying to get folks to say he’s the issue,

ldnmusic87 · 03/10/2025 11:11

I think he was just trying to be funny, let him apologise then move on.

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