Fall out with DP - rat comment

[bluemoons3]

Hoping for honest answers here - even if it means I am being unreasonable!

Me (F34 chatterbox) and DP (M38 fairly quiet) were watching tv this evening & as our show ended we were joking about me being a chatterbox and I said if I was as quiet as him we would have a very quiet life, he said “that would be bliss” we’re both cuddled up and joking around at this point as this is often something we laugh about. He then sat up a bit and said exactly this “your mouth is moving like a rat yap yap yap”
It really took me back and it clearly showed in my face, and I just was like what on earth does that mean.
he then got all defensive saying it’s a quote from a comedian I’ve never heard of talking about someone talking a lot, “all over TikTok” and why the hell am I acting like he’s said something so bad.
i told him I’ve never heard of that, or the man who said it and to me being referred to as having a mouth like a rat sounds extremely offensive & I didn’t like the comment.
he stormed out the room & is now giving me the silent treatment.

am i in the wrong here because i don’t know the quote, or even still what it means or does he have a right to be acting pissed off that it offended me a bit?

I had not seen that video clip. There is nothing to giggle at in it. It is a man who speaks bit strangely telling a woman her mouth is moving like a rat and asking her to shut it. If there is context that makes it funny, that requires more in-depth knowledge of the act. I assume from your OP he delivered the line deadpan in the performer's voice, in imitation of the video?

His was the mistake there.

I would have been upset too if someone called me a rat, but after seeing the video I would understand he was trying to make a joke. It just landed badly because you had not been the video.

You may have offended him too though, you were calling him too quiet. I think you sound like a good match but be careful with all
your yapping that you might be offending him too.

Thats part of the humour though. It’s nonsensical and completely random. A rat doesn’t move or flap its mouth about. I would much rather choose to see the humour in things than be professionally offended by everything.

There’s been a misunderstanding but perhaps the most important thing is whether he usually acts like this after a misunderstanding, or if things don’t quite go his way. If not, hopefully you can both move on and agree you’re the chatty one and he’s not and he needs to explain memes if he wants to quote them!

I am genuinely a bit stumped that any woman would find that video funny. It’s horrible. It’s a video of a man being nasty to a woman, nothing more. Why does the man think he’s entitled to tell the woman to stop talking at all, never mind so rudely? And to film it? If that’s the kind of stuff your partner thinks is funny, it’s a problem. The kind if man who circulates this obviously thinks men need to shut women down. It’s really nasty.

YANBU.
if you make a joke which lands badly and upsets the other person, then the onus is squarely on you to apologise. Ok to explain the context but not to get defensive and huffy. Certainly not the silent treatment.
In this case it’s absolutely not your fault, OP, that you’d never heard this ‘joke’ (I’ve not seen it, sounds unpleasant on paper).

Thank you. I don’t see a joke in that video either.

OP, your partner should have apologized to you.

Did you chat through the show? Do you often? Maybe the man would like a little less chat. It would drive me mad. He should have been a grown-up and said so without being insulting, though. All of this could have been avoided.

This. OP, I think the rat comment is one thing, the storming out/silent treatment quite another, and not something you should put up with if it becomes a regular pattern. Does he often do this?

It sounds like you can dish out the bants but not take it.

That video doesn't seem funny but the thing is with memes, they get remixed into other videos which are funny.
I think if you had been familiar with the joke, you would have laughed and found it funny.
Live and learn, move on.

The clip isn’t funny but he was clearly joking.

Don’t let the miserable folk on here wind you up into believing this is something it’s not. Would be my advice.

The silent treatment is unacceptable but someone who talks too much can be very annoying.

If he uses The Silent Treatment regularly he is abusive. It is a recognised sign of abuse...

Yep. And more still on this thread. Depressing.

I would just say that you’ve seen the video now and don’t find it funny, but you accept that these videos are doing the rounds. I’d also say you don’t like the silent treatment and suggest that you should both call a truce and move on.
if he accepts that, I’d just count it as one of life’s blips, no one goes through life without the occasional disagreement and a bit of a sulk, I doubt if he was genuinely insulting you, it was just a joke that went wrong.

Do rats yap? Who knew?!
He’s being ridiculous by storming off but did you chatter all the way through the programme you were watching together?
It'll blow over I’m sure.

this.

I've just watched the video and had a complete sense of humour fail. Just rude. Slightly less rude if you know the context and and possibly just a modern version of 'Rabbit' by Chas and Dave'. Storming out and silent mode? Lovely. Can't bear sulkers. Yuk.

Never heard of the comedian but first thought was misogynistic hidden within comedy. Would he think it funny if you or someone else described the way he spoke as a rat? Also silent treatment is classic abuse behaviour. Any other red flags OP?

It’s a quote from Big Shaq from one of his comedy sketches. It really isn’t personal, he was repeating a comedy phrase as a joke. Watch the video, have a laugh.

Aren't the women in the car acting? It's a sketch, presumably scripted.
Someone asked "why would he film it?" 😅
He's a comedian/rapper (that I've only just learned about).
If he didn't film his content, how would people see it?

This op.

Same.

his reaction after is what’s bothering me most, storming out and silent treatment because I didn’t know the quote?

Agree with pp. 'The silent treatment' is not something I'm okay with in a relationship. It usually foreshadows even less appealing behaviour.

Try to separate things out, OP. You might be more talkative that your DP. That's not a problem, unless you've been told or are aware that you talk over people, talk during a film someone's watching or whatever. Being talkative does not mean you 'deserve' to be admonished.

The second thing is the video. It's unfunny imo. If you feel that your DP used it to belittle you, then that doesn't seem like a jokey, affectionate thing to do.

The third thing is the 'silent treatment.' People refer to this as though it's a normal, acceptable thing to do when conflict occurs in a relationship. It's not.

Normal grown ups don’t care about memes or use the word “bants” 🙄

It was an honest question. If my DH was spending his life on TT I’d be planning how to LTB 🤷🏻‍♀️