DH kicked off because XH attended deceased DMs home before funeral

[Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft]

Not sure if title makes sense to be honest. But here goes.
I’m really struggling with the recent loss of my DM.
DM was v poorly and kept it to herself, this was normal she never wanted to be a burden or bother (she was neither). Admitted to hospital and died the next day.

I buried my DM 3 days ago. DP has just tore strips off me because my XH attended my DMs house before her funeral. Id just like to add that I had been with XH for twenty years we have 3 DCs, we are amicable and he has remained friends with DB since our split, DB also lived with DM so XH visited regularly and spent a lot of time at DMs house.

I had arranged for family to meet at DMs prior to funeral and follow funeral car to chapel of rest. XH was invited to come to DMs home by DB.

DP is angry, he wouldn’t come in to DMs home prior to funeral. I tried to convince him to come in but he insisted he was more comfortable outside. I respected his decision & tried not to make a big thing of it. The day passed as a bit of a blur to be honest. Today DH said he was made to feel uncomfortable as XH should not have been at DM/DB home and I should’ve banned him.
I’ve told DH he is being ridiculous as it wasn’t my call and XH being there was irrelevant. I also said that regardless of who was there he should’ve sucked it up and been there for me instead of waiting outside and then throwing it in my face at the first opportunity.
I’m absolutely broken. My DM was 66 and we should not have been laying her to rest but he is adamant that I’ve disrespected him and shown him that he is not a priority by allowing XH in to DMs home when it should’ve been just family.
I'm not sure if I'm losing my mind, but am I wrong to expect him to not be a dick right now or was I unreasonable and completely dropped the ball?

Wow what an arsehole

Get rid. Seriously.

I am so sorry OP. I am sorry for your devastating loss. And I am sorry that your DP has decided to make this all about himself when you need to be the priority at the moment. I am guessing that is what is motivating this - another man who cannot stand for his needs to be centre stage, even for a little while.

Sending you a hug and hoping that you have support while things are so painful. It does get better over time- less painful anyway - but it takes a long time.

I literally loathe people like this who offer absolutely no support and then make it all about them and their feelings

Your DP is an emotionally immature bastard and I would finish with him over this

I’m so sorry for your loss.

He has shown his colours when it matters the most. He should be truly ashamed. I’m sorry you have this on top of everything else. x

Throw this one back, your future self will thank you.

Your man is a prick. Sorry for your loss x

Agreed. Also, shocked by how many people have experience of men behaving like this at partners bereavements. I dumped a boyfriend ( of a few months) because he insisted on coming to my nans funeral and then complained I didn't give him enough attention. Absolute dickheads.

I couldn’t read your post without replying, OP.
I’m sorry for your loss. A real partner would offer you unwavering support during this time - he shouldn’t be tearing strips off you for anything!

Get rid of your partner.

Nobody gets to dictate that a man cannot attend his children's grandmother's funeral or his friends mothers.
The prick actually expected you to make a fuss in the days of and leading up to your mum's funeral by banning someone that other close family members would want there.
He's a controlling arsehole and hes showing you this side of him

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. I can sadly relate as I too lost my mum young & suddenly. It is a shock and pain like no other. I also unfortunately had a terrible partner who made it all about himself, was unsupportive & made me question my own sanity at what was truly the worst time of my life. Example - he phoned me complaining that he was bored at home & 'sick of being left home alone' while I was on my way to the funeral home. Although we did separate briefly we did get back together for various reasons but I will never forgive him or forget that time. Your partner should help and support you during difficult times, not behave like a spoilt jealous child & basically turn it on you. I am so sorry again for the loss of your mum, the days do get easier ❤️

*edited for bad spelling

I hope you've left him.

Get rid

I keep coming back in the hope that this man has been told where to go.