Never having sex again

[user043857398]

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

Me too.

All the fluids and smells.

Some people are describing it being about having children, and losing interest after that has been achieved. It has never been that for me so I am not sure about that. I never wanted children with my first H. When he lost interest in sex with me (unbeknownst to me he had moved on to having sex with men) I had a series of short affairs/one night stands which were a lot of fun. Tried out all kinds of different things sexually, had one incredibly passionate affair at 40, then met second H (he was a one night stand originally). Plenty of sex then and continuing after our son was born a few years later. Now, not as often (because of the usual things, busy life, tiredness, aches and pains, medical issues etc etc), but I enjoy it just as much when it does happen.

Maybe because I never associated sex particularly with "cuddling" or comfort, I have different tastes? "Love" was never a prerequisite. I agree that "romantic love" is a con that has been fed to us. Sex is however a completely different thing...

This was me! I suspect it’s our bodies reaching the end of their reproductive ability and having a last hormonal hoorah to ensure pregnancy before it’s too late.

I’m mid 50s and whilst I enjoy sex with my DH very much, the “urge” to seek out sex has gone.

Shed him 😂😂😂

Yes I assume the same. I also strength train like crazy and take creatine (which I've only started doing since I turned 40), and feel it also may partly be due to that.
I'm enjoying it while I can though!

Was that a decision you made together or did it just never happen and again and nobody has brought it up?

Do you, or did you, ever talk about sex before it stopped?

@MsWendy Agree. There nothing like a hysterectomy, cancer in the pelvis ( with it attached to the vagina) to kill the sex drive, beyond dead!

We talked about it a lot and about our relationship, what we wanted, what we saw in our future,

It started with feeling there was something wrong with not wanting sex. Like we ought to do it, what did it mean for us if we just never bothered again. Did it mean we didn't love each other?

The message you get from everywhere is that you're supposed to want sex and there's something wrong with you and/or your relationship if you don't.

It's hard I think to shake that off and think about what you actually want.

I'm envious of those who can separate love and sex. I would have had much better times with my one nighters! You've had a lot of fun good for you.

I always thought that if, god forbid, something happened to my husband, I would not take on another man, doubt anyone would be interested tbh. I think the peace and quiet of one less body to orchestrate would be bliss!

"What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?"

You've asked two questions here but conflated them into one. When I was 57 I knew that I saw absolutely no value in having a male partner, but I would not rule out having sex without complications with one.

I hear ya sister 🙂

I agree.

I’ve no problem with getting down and dirty with a no strings ‘friend’ - I just no longer have any interest in dealing with men and the supposed ‘partnership’ they bring to the table - it’s all far more hassle than it’s worth, it’s generally a one way street, it’s shit in general for women’s mental health, and it’s a massive disappointment.

I’m with you OP. I separated from my DH last December. What a difference a year makes! I have so much headspace. I haven’t shaved my legs in six months 😂 I stopped bleaching my hair. I’ve hung out with my friends. I’ve got so much more time for my children (not his). I got a kitten 🐾 no more UTIs 😂 it’s been funny though how much interest I’ve had from the opposite sex … and how little interest I have in any of them! I don’t want to start dating again …and they don’t want to be my friend. So it’s been a hard and very easy NO from me.

I always had a super high sex drive in my 20’s & 30’s.

Once perimenopause hit however, that started to dry up. And now at 48 I have zero sex drive.

enjoy it while you can… wait for the menopause!

About 7 years ago I decided I never wanted a relationship again , I had a great home , career , kids dog , sporty car the lot made me happy .
I never not wanted sex , honestly o can’t contemplate that but I dings w at a fixed relationship. I was about 35 when I decided that .
Fast forward to now and I’m married together 6 years one more kid , great sex and I’m sure I’m married to an amazing man .

In my 30/40’s married and dreaded sex with my ex. Divorced and had brilliant sex up until recently. The best being around 58-60.i remarried and I’m 67, and happy either way.

Plenty of women enjoy sex all the way through the menopause. There's no one size fits all. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it either way.

i haven’t had sex for over 25 years and I couldn’t care less Im not interested one bit , my fella understands and if he didn’t I still wouldn’t care I don’t like it I never have had any interest in it even when I was in my 20s think I was born without a sex drive

Cause or effect?

Me, too, but that's also the age when I started antidepressants. Given my life circumstances now, it's convenient that my libido's gone awol. It pops by a few times a year to see if the bits still work (answer: yes, but not like before).

I'm just glad I had full and varied experiences before it all stopped! The very thought of doing all that again's exhausting - my sex memories are filed in the same place as swimming in the Amazon, clubbing all night before work and going to the gym every day. Not to mention the amount of effort you have to put into relationships! Nah, done that, thanks.

I’ve never enjoyed sex (tho have had plenty over the years but probably nothing for the last six years).
But. I’d still love to find the one who can push the right buttons. It’s just all the faffing about dating and getting to know someone that I can’t be bothered with. Guess I need a gigalo 😆

I am not even 40 yet and have zero interest. Friends are surprised as in my 20s I had too much interest if anything - but actually, on reflection, I didn't actually enjoy very much of it.
I've always been happier single too, though. I did have a long term relationship but due to his work we spent very little time together despite living together, and I think that's the only reason it worked - I used to be disappointed if he came home on a night I wasn't expecting him!!

Love this! I'm 48 - single mum - 6 years out of a really shit marriage - I've had a couple of short lived fuck buddy situations which were disappointing. I can't enjoy myself if I barely know the person and I also don't like how I feel when I'm 'attached' to a man in anyway. I don't think I'm healthy in relationships as I tend to focus on others rather than on me. So being on my own means I love my freedom, I love learning to love me, I'm planning a relocation in a year, I did think maybe I'll meet someone when I've moved but then why would I want to ruin it :D I want to join groups, get a couple of hobbies, make a lovely new home and meet loads of fun people.