Page 12 | Never having sex again

usedtobeaylis · 21/09/2025 15:43

Bulldog01 · 21/09/2025 15:40

I have been married for 40+ years, when I was Young, I enjoyed Laughter,Fun,Dancing,listening to music.I enjoyed intimacy.I met my husband when I was 20,Sex between us has never been great, now almost non existent! It's been a issue between us for 40 yrs mainly due to Erectile disfunction.I would think if you are not feeling like Sex, you are not with the right partner! There has to be Chemistry between you.Either emotional, phiscal attraction or both.I still feel those feelings,but not with my Husband. I feel sad now, that I am now old, I will never experience those feelings again.I am married it's just too late! Being needed,wanted, loved, can be such a powerful force,I think anything less than that, is never ever good enough!

It's strange how little we talk about ED. Lots of jokes in society about Viagra but still very little said about actual ED despite it being incredibly common.

ArtichokeAardvark · 21/09/2025 15:44

I'm 37 and would happily do without. My poor DH has a much higher sex drive than me so we do still have sex sometimes, but it's honestly like an item on my to-do list. I've felt this way since having children which is probably the cause - knackered and carrying a ton of extra weight as I never get the opportunity to exercise anymore.

HRTQueen · 21/09/2025 15:46

I just don’t want a man around occasionally I feel like having sex but the feeling is fleeting

as for having a relationship have no interest at all I don’t want to share my space physically or emotionally

i feel I’ve done it all or all what I have wanted to do I had an adventurous enjoyable sex life but the thought for me doing all that again now makes me feel a bit 🤢

Bippybop · 21/09/2025 15:47

Ive had a few sex pest in the past put me off it. And i really cant be bothered with sex.
I dont miss it i dont want it i dont need it.
Im not even 40 yet but i love single sex less life.
If that makes me odd then im odd.

usedtobeaylis · 21/09/2025 15:49

A lot of people mention intimacy but sex and/or a romantic relationship aren't pre-requisites for intimacy. Sex and intimacy aren't the same thing.

FancyQuoter · 21/09/2025 15:53

Crikeyalmighty · 21/09/2025 15:20

It’s the thing I don’t like about marriage or living with someone- ( and I’ve been married twice- currently 30 years and also lived with someone for 4 years between marriages) maybe this is down to ‘who’ you are with and that’s a bit luck of the draw as people can and do change. I certainly don’t feel comfortable about saying I’m just nipping off for a week with a friend and there’s an awful lot of compromise often involved-especially if the other person has much of the financial power. Things that people say they have no issue with can change- in my experience a lot of older men expect to be able to do stuff as and when but get nit picky if you aren’t around to housekeep for them and yet didn’t start that way

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that's a good point. Worth keeping in mind to make sure they are constantly used to be left alone and not make a big deal out of it 😂

I am going away in a couple of weeks, the discussion actually went like that:
"can you work from home xyz day or is it better zyx day? - (someone needs to be home for the kids, no baby sitting as such, but do need an adult presence)
I can do xyz, why?
Great, I am booking my tickets, off to Majorca with my friends for 5 days.

Easy 😁

I expect the same in reverse for the next golf tournament or whatever excuse he comes up for going away with his mates

If I was single, because of the kids, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere ever - or only with them in tow, which is great, but not the same.

Luckyingame · 21/09/2025 15:56

Lowwintersun13 · 21/09/2025 10:26

I’ve not had sex in 4 years. I think my husband will leave me soon. I’ve never liked sex unless we were making a baby and now after menopause I am dead from the waist down. I find sex an intrusive, aggressive act by males yuk. I’d be really happy if I never had to have sex ever again, it turns my stomach just the thought of the act. I know I’m strange but menopause has caused this because if I’m not making babies then what’s the point? I don't need a man me to feel validated. It’s gross!

Very much relate.
Myself and my husband never made babies and he will not divorce me for many reasons,
but I could quote bits from your own post.

HazelBite · 21/09/2025 16:02

I'm in my 70's and I still enjoy it! ( I'm assuming DH does too!)

LaughingCat · 21/09/2025 16:10

I’m 42 and hope I don’t reach this stage. I love my DH of 15 years, and hope we have many more years of silly fooling around and companionship left in us. I also really like people. While I was always perfectly happy being single, I also really love being in a relationship with guys or gals and all the benefits it brings.

My mum felt like you when she and my dad divorced 27 years ago. She put all her eggs into the basket of my brother and I and now has no life whatsoever. We both live too far away to be a regular part of her life, and she has now retired, has no friends or hobbies and barely sees or speaks to us either. She’s so lonely but refuses to admit it.

I’m happy you now feel free, OP. Just remember not to shut something down in the future just because you’re feeling so empowered now.

Cantabulous · 21/09/2025 16:11

I thought it was game over for me and sex when I hit 46, but actually it was that I had grown disgusted by my then husband. I finally shed him when I was 53, started dating like a maniac at 56 and have been very happily shagging my DP for 7 years now. I certainly don’t want marriage or living together, but the best part of our relationship is sex. No one is more surprised than me!

Boomer55 · 21/09/2025 16:13

user043857398 · 21/09/2025 08:29

What age were you when you realised you never wanted to be touched by a man again and saw absolutely no value in a man choosing to be with you long-term?

I'm probably quite young to have come to this conclusion and the knowledge that I'll never have a romantic connection again fills me with joy.

Friends, my children, my home, my future all take my headspace up and it's such a beautiful contrast to spending my youth chasing men and hoping they would 'choose me'. It must all have been due to societal programming. I look back and realise I was always happier when I was single and not interested in someone romantically.

I’m a pensioner, and I’ve never gone off sex. With the right, and permanent man of course. 👍

WeeGeeBored · 21/09/2025 16:31

I have only had one partner who really did it for me. I had kind of enjoyed sex before him but found myself wondering what the fuss was about. With him it just worked and then one night while we were having sex he blew my mind and I realised that even with him the good sex hadn’t been as good as it could be. For a moment he lavished real care on me. After that one night I realised that he knew exactly how my body worked and what would be explosive for me but he just didn’t want to do it. He was selfish. Sex was more about his pleasure than mine. I wondered then how many of my ex partners had the same knowledge but just couldn’t be faffed to care for me in that way. I have never had a sexual partner since and never will. I do not miss intimacy with men. I am not gay so that would not be something I would contemplate. I am happy on my own. I still have wonderful orgasms. Those of you who have found truly caring men: I am happy for you. I have a feeling it isn’t the norm but I hope I am wrong.

FancyQuoter · 21/09/2025 16:41

Cantabulous · 21/09/2025 16:11

I thought it was game over for me and sex when I hit 46, but actually it was that I had grown disgusted by my then husband. I finally shed him when I was 53, started dating like a maniac at 56 and have been very happily shagging my DP for 7 years now. I certainly don’t want marriage or living together, but the best part of our relationship is sex. No one is more surprised than me!

I love hearing this, gives us all hope, thank you!

squidsin · 21/09/2025 16:51

Itsnottheheatitsthehumidity · 21/09/2025 09:49

My brother asked me if I was seeing anyone recently. I am not the type for hook-ups but my marriage ended two years ago and to be honest, after all the terrible things that went on within it, I have put the walls up somewhat. Also, perimenopause (possibly menopause, I’m waiting to see what surprises my body gets up to next). I do want a partner, but at the same time, not. Any man who likes me is going to have to be bloody special for me to let him be intimate with me, put it that way.

Edited

This is how I feel. I sort of want one but also really can't imagine letting one in now.

I had a revelation that I've always viewed partners as yet another person to take care of, which is why I can't be bothered with dating. I'm knackered. I need someone to take care of ME but that never happens. I think that's why my walls are well and truly up. I've got enough things in my life that I'm responsible for, I can't be arsed with thinking I'll be responsible for someone else having sex (with me, to be clear) as well. Let alone having to wash their pants, cook their dinner, etc. Which let's face it is how it works out in 99.9999% of relationships.

MsWendy · 21/09/2025 16:51

neveradmit17 · 21/09/2025 09:48

I'm over 60 and I get recurrent UTIs. I get a UTI if I even think about having sex, so it looks like that's it for this lifetime. To be honest, I'm not really sad. I liked it ok when I was younger but I don't miss it now. My current partner isn't particularly interested either, it all falls a bit by the wayside as one ages - sad but true. Have loads of sex when you're younger would be my advice.

Me too. Last time I was in a sexual relationship I had tests for ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, cervical cancer and an excruciating attempt at a cystoscopy for bladder cancer - eventually had the cystoscopy under GA. Nothing was found but it just wasn’t worth going through all that again. I was 50. At my most recent smear the nurse said I had a slight bladder prolapse. The medical investigations killed off my sex drive full stop.

squidsin · 21/09/2025 16:52

ObtuseMoose · 21/09/2025 10:12

I hope to never get to an age where having sex and being touched by my husband is repulsive to me. What an utterly depressing thought.

It IS a depressing thought. I didn't think it would happen to me, until it did.

Beddecisions · 21/09/2025 17:07

I am almost 50 and not yet! Definitely went off the boil during peri, but HRT brought it back.
But some of these posts have made me think. I am married, have been for decades but I still feel autonomous? And I don’t feel like I have to make compromises? Perhaps that’s because we like the same things. So either of us going out or on holiday with friends isn’t a compromise because we both enjoy that. Equally, staying at home, with wine and a film isn’t a compromise either, we both enjoy it. He has zero say in interior design (he is terrible at it!) but he doesn’t care so he doesn’t feel that’s a compromise either?

Pinkclouds80 · 21/09/2025 17:14

I’m 45 and I know in my bones that if and when me and partner (father of two kids 6 & 9) part ways, I will NEVER live with or share a bed with another one. They are so rank.

RaraRachael · 21/09/2025 17:15

Sex was always a chore. If I could have done it just the twice to produce my 2 kids I'd have been happy.

I'm not asexual. I just don't get how it's meant to be an amazing experience. Several partners but it does nothing for me.

neveradmit17 · 21/09/2025 17:16

Pinkclouds80 · 21/09/2025 17:14

I’m 45 and I know in my bones that if and when me and partner (father of two kids 6 & 9) part ways, I will NEVER live with or share a bed with another one. They are so rank.

😂

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 21/09/2025 17:17

I’m 75, and still enjoy a relationship with intimacy - I can’t imagine wanting to do without kisses, cuddles and sex.

Gilead · 21/09/2025 17:19

Ten years ago, I would have had sex today. Whether I wanted to or not, because it’s his birthday. I’m free now and have no interest whatsoever in sex. The thought can sometimes make me physically sick.
I love my life with my (adult) children, dog, friends, books and garden, all in my own space.
I Think I may be asexual. Not sure though.

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 21/09/2025 17:20

Haven't had sex for about six years...hormones and libido have disappeared. I'm not happy about it and I desperately want a man in my life but I'm not sure it will ever happen. I dream of meeting the right person and my sex drive returning. I feel like there's not much to look forward to without the prospect of sex.

justasking111 · 21/09/2025 17:27

When I see an older couple still holding hands I feel really sad. I do miss the closeness. DH lavishes all his cuddles on the dogs

Pickledpoppetpickle · 21/09/2025 17:29

I’ve been on my own since my divorce many years ago. I wasn’t bothered till a very unexpected liaison with a younger colleague. It was short lived but amazing until we realised it just wouldn’t work even medium term. Both looking for very different things. We remain civil and I enjoy the occasional cheeky wink over lunch or good morning hug. I now think I would like a relationship so am working on it. No expectations. More companionship and hopefully some at least satisfactory sex. We’ll see.