Woekn up at 3.13am, by DH saying "Fuck's sake"

[fastingforweightloss]

Apparently I was snoring. So he says "fucks sake" out loud, whilst turning on his side noisily. Definitely designed to wake me up. He knows I struggle to get back to sleep, if woken at that time. Small argument ensued, where I am told not to lie on my back. So essentially, this means lying on my side all night, facing the wall, not being able to move around to get comfy. That would be hard enough, but I have something wrong with my upper arms right now (dull ache), so lying on my side is not that comfy as it squashes my arms. He then falls back to sleep, facing away from me, but shortly rolls so that he is facing me (well, my back), and proceeds to snore into my ear for an hour, before I just call it quits and get up (at 4.20am) and get dressed. Now sitting in the dining room, and I am fuming.

For some context, just last week, he woke me up several times in the night. He sometimes gets in from work at 11pm, and has a bottle of wine to unwind. He then gets into bed around 3am, falls into a coma and snores loudly. But that's ok? Seems like a huge double standard to me.

He also has form for drinking on his days off, falling asleep on the sofa with the TV on, and then I have to get up at say 1am, to turn everything off, then I'm woken again when he rolls into bed at 5am. Yes, I have posted about this before if anyone thinks it sounds familiar.

It's now 4.47am, I have a long day ahead of me. Earliest I can go to bed tonight is 9pm, due to work commitments.

Can't edit heading for typos.

I think you’re both pretty unreasonable. I understand your anger as being sleep deprived is awful.
You need to be less passive. Order a new bed and move into the spare room. Get treatment for your snoring and push him to do the same.
Although with your updates it sounds as though you have other issues in your marriage than just the snoring. You need to address those also. It sounds miserable. You might have to accept that the marriage is over.

We have separate bedrooms. Couples who put up with these dramas are crazy!

So enough is enough. Right? He’s punched a pillow near your face in anger about this in the past to wake you up. He’s horrible..

ignore the posters who say you’re not right. Snoring is very disruptive but he’s handling it really badly. If he cared, he would gently roll you over or speak gently. But because you snore, you’re not allowed that courtesy? Bullshit.

And it won’t get better.

Separate bedrooms sounds like it would be the least of your problems. You both have so much anger, surely getting some quality sleep in separate rooms might help?

I’m a light sleeper and early riser, my Dh is not. He snores and I sleep talk. We often end up in separate rooms or I wear ear plugs.

Firstly I would stop being nice and not waking him up when he snores. If it’s ok for him to do then it’s ok for you.

i heavy breathe and multiple people have told me it’s extremely annoying but I’m asleep so what can you do about it 🤷‍♀️ I prefer people to just give me a nudge or roll me.

i think a lot of it isn’t to do with this but multiple offer things that has now manifested in this

I think it's normal and wonderful to each have your own bedroom. Peace! We only ever share a room when travelling, to save money. We are a devoted couple.

So you'd rather cut off your nose to spite your face? How ridiculous!

It only signifies something if you let it.

You have three choices; separate rooms, put up with things as they are, or divorce. Take your choice.

Controversial I know, but sleeping in the same bed day in day out is overrated imo. Sleeping separately is so much better, and I find, the sex is better (because of the separation)

try it and thank me later.

Honestly you are coming across awfully.

Stop being such a wimp, if he is waking you up when you snore, then do the same. Or better yet, clear the spare bed and go sleep in there. It isn't rocket science.

However you have a "poor me" mentality so nothing anyone here says to offer you solutions is going to change.

How about just the nights when you know he’ll be precious about sleep or you have to work? Compromise.

It’s not the beginning of the end, plenty of couples do it. What’s he doing about his ED too? Smoking, drinking and binge eating probably aren’t helping.

and the not brushing teeth thing is DISGUSTING by the way 🤢

So all the things you accused him off, you do too. You're worried about sleeping in separate rooms being the end, but you sound like you hate him anyway.

You need to sleep separately. It's not a big issue (and certainly not the beginning of the end!!), sleep is really important and you'll both get along better if you get a decent sleep. No point persevering and getting annoyed with each other when you could just sleep separately. Snoring is absolutely rage-inducing for the other person having to lie awake and listen to it.

Either separate rooms, or earplugs.
DH snores when he is on his back while gurgling, sometimes stopping breathing.
He needs to lose weight, it's annoying not being able to fall asleep or listening for the next breath.
I always push him on his side.
He doesn't moan.

So? It’s not legally binding just cause you ALWAYS said it. You were wrong. Chalk it up to naivety and now you’re older you can be mature and secure enough to admit it needs to change. If you’re sticking to this in spite of all the crappy sleep issues, it madness. It’s not like the bed sharing facilitates sex anyway, so what exactly is your separate beds stance based on? Do you think snoring and fighting at nights is the key to a lasting marriage?

Clear the spare room. Make up the bed and put his pillow, PJs, alarm clock or whatever in there. If nothing else maybe he will reflect on how
he has treated you and if he doesn’t want separate rooms then will maybe will have a dialogue about what can improve.

Maybe you should sleep in a separate house? He does sound pretty unpleasant

I can assure you that separate bedrooms are far healthier for a relationship than lying awake feeling resentful.

Does no one wear earplugs??

silicone ones or ambient sound work great for us. If it’s very bad spare room or sofa.

you are being a bit dramatic about the swearing, most people are not reasonable when they’ve been woke up in the middle of the night. Tell him not to do it again. You don’t need to cry ?

Just get separate rooms. You both sound ridiculous.

Is this me lol! Similar to you OP, I don’t get disturbed by DH’s snoring but mine would send him batty. I am a really bad snorer too, like a chainsaw. I recently changed two things that has saved our sanity. First is a soft mattress topper. I would get pins and needles lying on my side and restless legs. I now wake up pain-free. It feels like I’m sleeping on a cloud especially when I pop a lovely soft pillow between my knees. I feel as though I barely move all night. I am so comfortable. We also have an expensive mattress but the topper adds an additional layer that is beyond perfect.

Second change is that I had symptoms for a while similar to asthma and saw a doctor. Not allergies, asthma. I was prescribed a preventative and I take it before bed. I feel it’s opened my airways and I don’t wake up as often. DH says he is sleeping much better too.

Separate rooms has saved my marriage. I get a great night's sleep now. Go sleep in the spare room tonight at least, so that you know you'll have a good night.

I remember the thread about him punching the pillow. He sounds unhinged.

This clearly isn’t the only issue given the mess he leaves, the drinking, the gaming, the lack of appreciation.

I’d start with the spare room. Then I’d stop the drink myself. Work on prioritising you. Once you have a clear head and start to invest in yourself you may realise your worth more than this.

Yes spare beds may signal the beginning of the end. In this case that doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.

Do both of you wear decent earplugs. Took me a while to find ones I like but 3M do ones that are comfortable in different softnesses.
DH and I both wear them as we both snore. No problem hearing the alarm.

Separate rooms saved my marriage but you don’t sound as if you like your DH very much to be honest. If you do then buy s new mattress for the spare room and make it yours. I would be divorced now if I hadn’t moved